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Relax…..take a deep breath and empty your mind….get ready for another round of OMMM- On My Mind Monday. Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much.

Here are some random thinks I’ve thunk this past week. In no particular order. For no particular reason. Because.

SPOILER ALERT!

(Or..more like SPOILED alert. As in: I am.)

My thoughts of late have been a pretty steady loop of:

So excited to move in two months! I will find the perfect home.

Funny-House-Design

Clear ALL THE JELLY!

 

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Three letter word that starts with the letter F.

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Where am I gonna LIVE in two months?

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Clear ALL the jelly?

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Hmmm…Jelly.


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Hmmm….Peanut Butter.

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I eat way to much peanut butter. 

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I’ll NEVER find a condo I like.

NEVER!!!!!

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MF Jelly

.

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Screw ALL the dream houses!!

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Bah. Whine. Blah.

All the first world problems.

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My typical ridiculous ponderings continue, of course, but none really outperformed the above cacophony.

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So I wasn’t gonna blog today. but Christine texted me and gave me the itch. I opened up livewriter, sat down and this came out.
And I feel much better.

And I only have 3 minutes and 32 seconds left until my next life!

Freaking Jelly.

Wheeee!
Look…
I’m flying!

fly

Maybe I should wing it more often.

  • Should I wing it more often?
  • What’s on your mind?
  • Do you play Candy Crush?

    PS- Hopefully y’all know to take my self-deprecating fat talk in stride. It’s meant with a wink.  I joke around. That’s just me. Also, You should know my peanut butter guilt lasts like 0.03 seconds… about the time it takes me to dip my spoon back in the jar.

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Deep Breath. Inhale….and….exhale. Ahhhhh… Ommmmm…..shanti…शान्ति.

OMMM- On My Mind Monday – Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much.

Here’s what it’s like inside my head:

Why does McDonald’s call their hamburgers sandwiches?

This is a burger.

This is a sandwich.

Actually, let me do better than that… THIS is a sandwich.

 

That would be peanut butter and mayo and lettuce and yes it is MF delicious and shut up you jealous mayo-haterz. (Okay, full disclosure I am not a mayo fan but I LOVE vegenaisse and am convinced it can turn anyone on).

I digress.

In pursuit of an explanation, I went to the interwebs where the plot thickened. McDonald’s online menu has a section that is burgers AND sandwiches… mainly using “sandwich” for the chicken items.
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Yet in advertising and company literature “sandwich” overrides “burger” as an umbrella term encompassing both.

The marketing geek in me really wants an explanation.

It’s a meal disguised as a burger described as a sandwich…

Which one is it? Can we just pick one?

It’s all very confusing.

The burger vs. sandwich thinks were brought about by a McD’s radio commercial. The word “sandwich” was repeated so much my brain cells fixed onto it. Suddenly it was all I could focus on. (And for once it wasn’t due to starvation…lol).

You know, like when you are listening to someone speak and notice they say “Ummm” or “like” a lot. The rest just fades into Charlie Brown Adult interspersed with”like” or “Ummm” or whatever filler word they’re into.

Or when you are listening to Evangelical Christians pray and suddenly all you can hear is “Just” and “would” and “would just.”

I’ve been thinking about that too.

I wish I could say it’s because I’ve been going to church thrice weekly but mainly it’s due to my reality television fixation.

Preacher’s Daughters anyone? Can I get a witness?

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil…but feel free to exploit yourselves all you want. Oh… that show. I love it. I hate it. It entertains the heck out of me.

  • Would you rather have a burger (turkey, vegetarian… whatever) or a sandwich?
  • Is their a filler word you say often? I am guilty of “like” but in the way that most people my age are.
    A co-worker of mind used to say “go ahead and” before ALL the things and, bless her heart, some of us wanted to choke her
    but that’s probably because in general she was…um… challenging. Bless her heart. *wink*

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Deep Breath. Inhale….and….exhale. Ahhhhh… Ommmmm…..shanti…शान्ति.

OMMM- On My Mind Monday – Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much.

Here’s what’s what.

Suffice it to say my peanut butter fast is no longer an issue.

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Serious pickle and peabee domination went down on Saturday night. #rockingsociallife

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I finally broke into that un-opened jar and proceeded to relieve it of over 1/2 it’s contents. A piece of my soul sinks every time I succumb to such peanut butter abuse. Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of like that. Thank goodness it’s such a forgiving friend. It’s all like … “I know, I know. I’m just THAT awesome you can’t help yourself. I’m used to it by now.”

What else…

Thanksgiving came and went …awesome day. Good times with the family. We definitely did not have enough food. Every year- same thing. Will we ever learn? (0;

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That’s one of those faces you get when you are smiling FOR DAYS and your nephew can’t get the camera to work.

We got my nephew the Celebration roast and my mom baked it up. I tried a bite of the meaty stuff between the breading and the filling and it was delicious. Sausage-y almost.

As for myself I ate …oh probably a pound of shrimp.

 

 

 

My nephew also delivered some shocking news that night – he only told me. It has had me a tail-tizzy ever since and I’m losing sleep over it. I’m just concerned, worried…trying to help etc.

So —as for what’s really on my mind this Monday — it’s that. I can’t help it. It’s very troublesome and I’m giving it up to God … like 80,000 times a day. (0:

That may also explain the 3/4 jar of peanut butter affair.

But actually? That’s just me. (0:

 

  • How was your thanksgiving? Try anything new?
  • Ever been obsessing over a loved one’s difficulties when you need to be focused on your own?

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Deep Breath. Inhale….and….exhale. Ahhhhh… Ommmmm…..shanti…शान्ति.

I’m now entering the realm of OMMM- On My Mind Monday – Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much. Here are some random thinks I’ve thunk this past week. Welcome to my inner sanctum of silly.

silly > sad.

I weigh and measure 99% of my food. I also have a love affair with peanut butter – which I prefer to consume in increments of 1/2 Tablespoon.

Peanut Butter. Me. Obviously, I use the pants off my 1/2 Tablepoon. Like everyday. Naturally, I lose them, break them, garbage disposalize them, and *blush* mindlessly throw them away at 3am in kitchen lit only by the light of the refrigerator door.

 

So my problem: I have like 15 sets of spoons and one 1/2 Tablespoon. That’s a lot of drawer space. And ca$h money. Every time I lose one I have to replace the entire set.  For some reason it is SO difficult for me to find a set of measuring spoons with the 1/2 T measurement. I always have to go to like two stores at least. I don’t know why. Can they not make ALL sets have the 1/2 T? So rude. Also why can’t they sell individual spoons. They probably do. At the spoon store.

Whatever. I have a difficult life.

I need a vacation.

All this picture needs is unicorns. And peanut butter.

If you really REALLY for-real-deal wanna know what’s been on my mind…I will share with you the email reply I got from a friend yesterday. It made my day.

Fat =

Fabulous Attitude Train

Fancy Acrobatic Toad (I know, I remember.)

Fluffy Ass Toot

Flaming Apple Tort

Finely Attuned Theorist

Flickering Asteroid Trail

Frilly Alpaca Tail

Friends Always Tell

[I didn’t mean for the last three to rhyme, but they did. Now it’s your turn. GO! Get your F.A.T. on!]

But that’s all I’m gonna say about that.  No sense indulging insanity. If I can avoid it…..because I may be a little insane.

Exhibit 8,954,326:

crazy lady 001

What in the actual what.

I HAD to snap a photo when I found myself going for my afternoon walk in this get up. Don’t even ask. There is hardly any reason or excuse.

I’m having issues with my feets and hence the compression socks…other than that? I got nothing. So, yeah. This is me. Just a free crazy lady spirit OR…THAT weirdo freak in the neighborhood. You decide.

I will tell you I walked around like that…and yet it is REALLY bothering me that I am showing you my dusty mirror and  sloppy PJ pile down there on the right. I make sense.

This post is getting too long.

  • What is your favorite F.A.T acronym  (from above)?

 

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Relax…..take a deep breath and empty your mind….get ready for another round of OMMM- On My Mind Monday. Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much.

Here are some random thinks I’ve thunk this past week. In no particular order. For no particular reason. Because.

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I’ve been a fan of Parenthood since the get-go. I absolutely adore the show and LOVE Jabar. He’s pushing maximum capacity on adorable. I can barely stand it. I want to eat him. I hope this kid’s career goes far.

Last episode another character was introduced — and he’s giving Jabar a run for his money in the cuteness factor with the added bonus of being extremely HOT.

Extremely. Hot.
I mean…

Ouch! I love him. I can barely stand it. I want to eat him (gasp!). I hope he sticks around.

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Yesterday I was in target and saw this:

I’m seriously considering investing in one to tackle my bloated swollen belly as well as my decreased ability to fit my pants. I think it could be marketed to the general public for Thanksgiving Dinners and stuff like that. Or for the entire months of October – January. #marketinggenius

I’ve had my eyes on these for a while, too. It’s time I lay my $ down.

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No matter how many YouTube videos I’ve watched and Google searches I’ve read – no matter how many times my mom shows me, I cannot for the life of me fold a fitted sheet. It never comes out right. I get kind-of frustrated.

Yet? I refuse to admit defeat and attempt it every.single.time.

What’s wrong with me?

ain't nobody got time for that

 

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I watched this video and I think you should too.  Her amazing spoken word poem about the struggle and triumph over an eating disorder not only describes it stellarly but also addresses social stigma. I love it.

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Everything I eat is a FODMAP. I’ve been thinking and researching the FODMAP diet  because I need to solve the riddled puzzled flusteredcluck of a situation going down with my GI system.

The problem is that most of the possible irritants are basically everything I eat (except the dairy and grain). Can I possibly survive without my asparagus? My….gulpKimchi?

At any rate FODMAPS has been on my mind — my consumption of hummus and onions has dwindled a great deal as a result. I’m sure those around me are quite appreciative for the diminished stank.

Of my breath.

Fluffing is never the problem – I trap Gas.)

See? Now you understand the need for the BellaBand. LOL.

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  • Anyone a Parenthood fan? Incidentally I am loving the addition of Ray Romano and already loved so many of the actors and now Matt Lauria? I’m super psyched for this season.

  • Any experience with FODMAPS? I’ve followed Elise’s blog Hungry Hungry Hippie for a long time but only recently considered FODMAPS.
  • I know I am not the only one who wanders into the Maternity section at Target and starts admiring the clothes before they realize…I think every woman has done that at least once.

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Deep Breath. Inhale….and….exhale. Ahhhhh… Ommmmm…..shanti…शान्ति Get ready for another round of OMMM- On My Mind Monday. Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much.

Here are some random thinks I’ve thunk this past week. In no particular order. For no particular reason. Because.

Boy Scouts Need to Step it Up a Notch

Every year the Girl Scouts come correct with a limited-time-only panacea for the masses: those dearly beloved cookies. We fawn, we drool, we flock, and we spend. We spend a lot. Girl Scouts also team up with ice cream and candy bar companies, securing a portion of America’s retail dollar too.  $Cha-ching$

Let’s be real. The “for a good cause” factor is probably responsible for …oh… 15% of all proceeds. Because really? We’re just hooked.

The Girl Scouts know profitability. They also know what sells.
crack mints

Then there’s the Boy Scouts. What do they sell? Microwave freakin’ popcorn.  Usually outside a grocery store selling the same thing. Big incentive. 

boyscouts

They don’t even sell the pre-popped or flavored varieties anymore. No. Just popcorn. That’s it. Ends there. Seriously?

There is no “immediate gratification” or “impulse temptation” factor at all. You can’t rip into a box of popcorn kernals before you even get to your car…much less devour 1/2 the box before your home, thus necessitating a return trip tomorrow to buy more.

Dear Mr. (or Mrs.) Person-in-Charge-of-All-the-Boy-Scout-Things:

Your popcorn needs more sex appeal. 

Invest in a few tons of sugar, salt, and fat. Go to town in a test kitchen.  It doesn’t matter what comes next. All the basics are there. Layer sugar, salt and fat on anything and it’ll sell.

I personally recommend marketing a popcorn/trail mix “bar” of some sort. Disguise the fatty sugarbomb with words like “wholesome” and “nutritious” or “energy".

Make them really small and “only 200” calories. Or make the ratio of serving size to servings per bar inversely proportional. Set up shop outside of places like Curves or something. BE INVENTIVE!!

I can’t believe I’m actually promoting this kind of thing, but heck – it’s for a good cause. lol.

While I’m on the topic of delicious addictive food….

triad

Paula Deen is Selling Diabetes.

I know Paula’s diabetes is old news….the jokes have been made, critics have weighed in, etc. Yet, only recently did it dawn on me that she is, effectually, selling Diabetes. 


paula-deen-diabetes

I think of it like this: She profits from her show/cookbooks which are rife with uber rich foods. It’s fine in moderation, but we don’t live in a moderate society. We live in an obese society. Lots of Diabetes going on.

The way I see it, now that Paula’s Diabetes is out of the closet, her show is basically pitching let me show you all the food to eat in abundance if you want to get diabetes.” 
$Cha-ching$

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And then….Paula turns around and sells you what you’re gonna need once you actually have Diabetes. $Cha-ching$

Just put a band-aid on it, y’all.”
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Life with Diabetes can be DELICIOUS and I want to tell y’all about it.
With Love.

I don’t harbor any resentment against Paula. I don’t think this is some manufactured plot – but the whole thing is just wrong. She could be promoting diabetes prevention. She could grab another spot on Food Network cooking her trademark comfort food in a healthier, Diabetes-friendly way.    

But, Whatever. Totally Fine.

Well then. I’ve gone on FAR to long and really? There’s only so much a girl with an eating disorder can blather on about unhealthy and healthy food and obesity and whatnot before it becoming entirely laughable.
I’ll leave it at 50% laughable.

  • What’s been on your mind lately?

    Also, you should read this book. (If you want). 

http://www.theendofovereatingbook.com/

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Deep Breath. Inhale…exhale….Ahhhhh… Ommmmm…..shanti…शान्ति

Let’s play OMMM- On My Mind Monday. Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much. Here are some random thinks I’ve thunk this past week. In no particular order. For no particular reason. Because.

1. Why am I just now learning you cannot microwave silverware?

Oops.

duh...

Also? I need to find a microwaveable peanut butter spoon.

2. Yesterday the man in front of me at Whole Foods was purchasing tofu and I knew there was a coupon for it in the “Whole Deal” circular. I told the man and the cashier to wait and was out the door running to get one with a quickness. I felt such glee. I saved him $1.25!

Am I weird? Vicarious coupon exhilaration may be a sign I have a problem.

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I should probably get a bumper sticker.

3.  These things:

balls

Detest-icles.

Someone in my apartment complex has a pair dangling from their truck and each time I am forced to see it I feel accosted and filled with YUCK. Totally interrupts my zen. HATE.

4. I was thinking…if I were a grocery bagger It would be a highlight of my shift to find a scooter car in the parking lot. You have to ride it back to the store and I take my cheap thrills where I can get ‘em.

Electric_Shopping_Cart_Mobility_Scooter

5. I LOVE living in South Florida because I CANT take cold. I’ve come to realize I don’t think ANYTHING could make me move northward. Not my fantasy job nor a million dollars or meeting the man of my dreams.

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That’s kind-of an unsettling realization. But, seriously.

I just can’t handle cold.

  • What’s been on your mind lately?
  • Anything else I should know about my microwave?

 

 

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