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Archive for the ‘30 posts on Health’ Category

The man behind me at the checkout counter had NO idea what he was getting into when he asked me how to cook asparagus.

Let me tell you ALL the ways!!!”

True?
Most likely.

Health Blog Posts 056

#asparagusaddict

You may be a little “off” if you love asparagus enough to pose with it and post the picture on the internet in a ridiculous fashion. Ain’t nobody want to see that.

True?
Most likely*.

There may be something strange about a single-girl in a one bedroom apartment that owns two vacuums (and has a Dyson on her wishlist for lottery days).

True?  Most likely.

Health Blog Posts 059

My sudden insatiable olive consumption is probably my body’s way of telling me it could use some fat and salt, please. Cannot. Stop. With. Them.

True? Most likely.

Health Blog Posts 061

The fact that my beloved Peanut Butter and Jelly has been sequestered to my cupboard** for an unprecedented amount of days (weeks?) may explain the salt and fat cravings.

True?
Most likely.

 Health Blog Posts 063  

The absence of Peanut butter interest as well as a waning appetite may be substantial cause for my concern. After all, this is not the first time this has happened and …cause and effect arguments aside… it’s telling.

True?

Most likely.

But.

That part of me that should be concerned? That part so charged up and full of moxie? I’m having a hard time locating it. Searching has become exhausting. The mojo is so illusive. I find myself wondering if I imagined it?

#tiredlosinghopeicantdoubtfearetc.

And I mean…after all. It’s just peanut butter. It’s food. My weight is stable despite and all I have to do for now is maintain and the holidays are coming up and …and…. but.

Anything “after-but”  is sh*t.

Lately – as I have many times over the months – I’ve been channeling the words of my awesomest inspiring friend, Mel.

She is the one who passed along these bracelets. I wear them everyday since.

With them, she wrote me an incredibly moving letter. 

One part just…struck me. Stuck with me. It left a mark. For the better.

Health Blog Posts 064

“Some say recovery is a continual journey. I say that is bullshit. Recovery either is or is not. I chose “is.”

Yup.

Whatever I do…It will be my choice. So…about this peanut butter situation and the jaws theme song I hear playing in the background? I either decide to stay in the water and ignore the lifeguard…..or I start swimming toward the beach.

(Funny how what’s dangerous seems safe and the safe harbor seems scary. Fear is imaginary. Fear tells us what is like-ly, but it’s not. It’s like-lies.)

I have a choice:

1) Flirt with getting eaten alive and drowning after a life of fear or struggle…or

2) Work my azz off and swim against rip tides toward shore (and hopefully a hot lifeguard.)

But I need to take responsibility and OWN my decision.

I choose. I decide. 

I better choose wisely.

It’s a choice between life and death.

Is that even a choice at all?

One of the Optional Prompt for NHBPM is “Write about life and death” .Previous posts can be found here. Also – I will not be doing the 30 in 30 thang. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Or…okay fine, I just can’t hack it. Not for me.  LOL. So many bloggers I love posting everyday and – that’s probably why I like them because they are more interesting than I am.

 

 

*Totally True. Posing with asparagus? This whole blog? LOL. Ridiculous.

** (yup, I say cupboard, and cabinets are where the plates go and pantries are big like closets.)

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I must be doing something right…

there’s that.

 

 

Today’s Optional Prompt for NHBPM is “Use a picture or video to inspire a post” .Previous posts can be found here.

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Hey, hey, hey.

One of the prompts for NHBPM is “Write about something taboo.”

I thought about many things that may be considered taboo– but as far as ED  recovery communities I’ve been a part of …there’s not much off limits. As for me personally with friends? l’m willing to open the book and lay it on the table.

I’m not a fan of the whole “ED-PC” thing, though I am sensitive to it and censor myself as I can.

As always – I like to keep things light and humorous so please remember that as I broach a subject even I find taboo.

So what do I think is taboo?

I think pretty much everyone has a common though at least once or twice in recovery, but it sounds so silly it’s hard to say out loud.

I’m lucky enough to be in recovery rooms amongst people suffering from ALL forms of eating dis-order and food addiction. The whole spectrum: from restricting-only featherweights to obese binge eaters,  and ALL combinations and variations between. Many people experience the entire spectrum throughout their live. I relate to that.

At the end of the day – it’s the same demon. The same Hell.

So…I guess you can say a typical meeting may look a little something like this.

We all different.

Sometimes (not all) the physical implications of dis-ordered eating effect the body in such a way the recovery would naturally produce a shift in body weight either up or down the scales. Sometimes people maintain a weight when their behavior ceases.

We are ALL gaining health and sanity. Period.

Weight is part of some of our stories, however. Some people who are further along in recovery share their story during a meeting – weight loss is often a part of it. The pounds lost, the clothes getting looser…etc.

While I sat in meetings or read online-community forum posts I have, from time to time, half heartedly thought with a silly sigh,

“Recovery would be easier and more comfortable for me if staying abstinent from food meant losing weight rather than gaining.”

Not that I want to lose weight technically, just to not have to go through the painful nerve-ending mindscrew of weight gain. Again – it is a silly silly thought.

I’m not alone.

For some people – they think half-heartedly  “Heck – recovery would be much easier for me if food abstinence meant gaining weight…just eat more and exercise less and meanwhile not have to worry about the social implications of being overweight whilst doing it (thanks, society).”

I KNOW these are flawed notions in so many ways – I think we all know that. Recovery for us all means pain. We have to relinquish and surrender it ALL….the focus on food and controlling the shape or appearance of our bodies and weight.

That means withdrawal. BIG TIME.

Whether that means gaining OR losing -  you’re going to suffer when your food gets taken away from you.

 

Again- same demon, same hell. It’s silly that we imagine one version of it would be more comfortable to handle than another.

Even though most out-of-denial people know these fleeting thoughts are just silly…..I bet we’ve all though them for a millisecond.

Look….eating disorders are not about weight or food. They’re not NOT about weight or food either. Nobody that suffers has it easier or worse  than another. NO ONE.

We all know this. I know this. I want to reinforce that so as not to be misunderstood.

It’s just a little stupid thought.

Have you ever had it?

“Don’t you wish your recovery was “easy” like “theirs?”
LOL.

The grass is never greener…in hell.

There you have it. Two days in a row missed. You’re allowed two days off but I can tell you right now there will be MANY more where those came from. #gettingold.
Previous posts for NHBPM can be found
here.

 

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There’s nothing better on a Monday than spilling your most random or ridiculous thoughts on the internet.  (I lie. LOTs of things are better.)

Hence I commence (rhyme!).

 OMMM- On My Mind Monday  BS edition.

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Today’s Prompt for NHBPM is:

Call BS on something. What’s something that is just ridiculous?”

That’s an easy one. Health-related BS abounds.

I could write about the absurdity and potential danger of food labels.

I could write about the hidden names of sugar and the truth about “sugar free” products.

sugar-free 

And that’s not nearly all. For the list that I refer to (just for reference) click here.

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I don’t think there is anything in the world with a sugar free LABEL that is truly sugar free. And that’s fine. My beloved “sugar free” preserves? Polydextrose, maltodextrin…  Both of which are why this item was forbidden on my sugar free meal plan.

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Glad I got over that one(!), but it was hard work after an Eating Disorder treatment center tells you to avoid it.

Which brings me to…

I’m calling BS on people who claim there is ONE right way to eat for every body. (Or even the claim that there is a right way to eat PERIOD.)

 

Or how people chase “healthy diet” models the same way other people chase the latest diet fix (pills, powders, cabbage soup..etc)  rather than settling down and figuring out what suits THEM best. Veganism was the trend for a while…now it’s Paleo…what’s next?

I could write about how “Fitspiration” in many instances (not all) is a thinly veiled version of “Thinspiration” and a bit problematic and flawed to begin with.

 

Here is something I know for SURE is Fitspiration but you aren’t going to see much like this on Tumbler or Pinterest. See what I mean?

Just sayin.

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But…..

As I was thinking about all of this….it occurs to me that I REALLY need to call BS on myself.

What?

Yup. I’m calling myself out. You see….I obviously think about food, food marketing and nutrition a great deal. I’m not even interested in losing that. I’m also fully aware that I deserve a GREAT deal of side-eye when I start talking about ANY of it because….well.

 

I really need to be focused on thinking LESS about Food & Co. I need to take a break from the Food Network and the nutrition books and the recipes and grocery lists…..because – although it’s a genuine interest of mine….. it’ll be there waiting while I gain some sanity.

Because it’s JUST FOOD and my brain apparently thinks differently.

I want to love my food … but I don’t want to LOVE love my food.

I should NOT enjoy grocery shopping as much as I do. Lol.

There is too much more to live for.

God. Love. Peace. Glitter.

The perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

OoPs! I just did it again!!!!

*sigh*

Previous posts for NHBPM can be found here.

  • Your turn! Call BS on something or…somebody.

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Today’s Optional Prompt for NHBPM is “How I take Time for Myself” .Previous posts can be found here.

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You know what they say about laughter….

 

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(You do it too. You know you do.)

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Of possible interest: I wrote here regarding eating dis-order humor and what I think about it.

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Today’s Prompt for NHBPM is “LOL Post. Write something funny or share something you found funny” .Previous posts can be found here.

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The PBJ one is so ME it creeps me out. Like uncanny valley and shiz. Like…am I being watched??

  • Which one of these can you relate to?

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Thank Goodness Yesterday Was Thursday Or, TGYWT! <—with necessary exclamation point. It’s that time again. Because TGIF is so 1989.  Because I love me a good acronym.

I then use each letter to write about something and post it on the internet. Because that makes sense.

Tell me how lucky I am -  I won this new phone on Katie’s blog!! Sometimes I like to take a break from winning and win some stuff. LOL.

I finally get to do the cool phone things all the cool-phone-having people do.

Health Blog Posts 

Glitter wallpaper may be too much of an awesome thing.

I probably shouldn’t even know about this…

These, on the other hand, are dazzling. I mean….stop it. Make it stop. *swoon*

You. Just be you. Find out who you really are – not who you want to be. Cultivated personalities are painfully transparent.

When you just CAN’T EVEN with somebody….

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Thanksgiving is coming and I want to share a memory. It’s going to be long – get your scroll finger ready. LOL. (I’m pretty much bearing my soul here and I’m not going to scrutinize what I write for how it might be interpreted. So bear with me). 

Holiday dinners can be complicated for those with eating dis-order. As for myself? They’re not that big of a stress…. perhaps because I’m not tempted much by the traditional fare and I’m always offered “Missy friendly” options. That may be a controversial approach, I understand, but I don’t think of it as family enabling. I think of it as kind – and really a non-issue for me in my pursuit of recovery. But who knows? My mind is always open.

What does trouble me to think about is how my niece and nephew have grown up witnessing my food choices in tandem with my eating dis-order.  I just don’t know what to make of that. Well, there’s nothing really TO make of that. Yes, it motivates me to get better but dang if this mess isn’t hard to beat.

It bothers me particularly when it comes to my niece. I can’t explain the special place in my heart I have for her… it is like a soul connection.

2004

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I stumbled across this picture a few years after it was taken and it immediately took me right back to the moment.

Besides the sheer joy and privilege of sitting next to my niece (I lived in Texas at the time and didn’t see her as much), what I vividly recall is a moment when she spontaneously took her little finger and traced the prominent vein in my arm while we were sitting. (You could press on it and watch the blood fill the vein back up #stupidhumantricks.)

I was (and still am) ashamed of “the vein-thing.”  It’s not normal and it’s freaky looking but mostly because I know why it’s there. My flush of embarrassment quickly turned to the realization of the gravity my eating dis-order may have on a growing young girl. It pained me then and … it pains me now. My motivation to recover has still not eclipsed the stronghold of what holds me back.

To think she has never – in her LIFE – seen me eat a “dessert.” Ever.
It’s just….what would that be like? What does that do? T
he entire situation really weighs me down even though I know as an Aunt and a person I’m super awesome. There is always gonna be that element in my life-file. I watch what I say very carefully and I will smack her silly if she ever goes on a diet and I’ve always told her how beautiful she is…etc. But…at the end of the day actions speak louder than words.

2010

To this day, I still scramble to sit beside her at the table. There is always plain difference between my plate and the other plates at the table and for the most part? That’s just me and I’m at peace with my dietary preferences (the ones that aren’t “behaviors” that is).

There’s one spinach casserole that I struggle with (which is a behavior because DANG I love that stuff) and challenged myself with last year. I’m looking forward to having it this year, as well.


This year I am also planning on making dessert for my vegan nephew. I’m thinking — even if I don’t have a sweet tooth – maybe it would be nice for my family’s sake to see me eat a dessert and taste whatever it is I’m gonna make.

I’m not able to be a healthy role model now – but I can make an effort to be with little actions in the meanwhile. 

My niece, by the way – and you know I watch her like a HAWK – seems perfect. I think there may be NO better person to detect the smoke signals and warning signs of dis-ordered eating than someone who’s lived it.

Today’s Prompt for NHBPM is  “Tell a descriptive story about a memory.” I chose to take one of my two days off yesterday as I needed a serious reconnaissance with ME.

Previous posts can be found here.

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