Uh-oh. I’m about to get personal and stuff.
I’ve been feeling stupid overwhelmed for a while.
Yes, stupid overwhelmed. Because really? I have it easy. My life is underwhelming if anything. It’s stupid. Yet- I can’t deny it.
I’ve been overwhelmed something stupid.
Rendered useless. Frozen. Paralyzed.
By…what? By life? Really, Missy? Get a grip. I know. Yet, the feeling remains. I can’t explain it, I don’t know why I’m writing about it, but there is release in expression.
I have a feeling this overwhelmity has a lot to do with the changes I’m faced with and the actions I’m taking to move toward recovering my sanity around food and getting my life back.
More specifically, how I feel about them. I’m more determined, more willing to face the fear, more disgusted with what I have allowed myself to become then I’ve ever been. That’s overwhelming in and of itself.
This is the back of my food journal, where I tear the previous day’s entry off and start “fresh” because I messed up. I’ve done this every day so far. Yup. Not even one day under the belt.
I am motivated, hopeful….. and terrified.
I am making goals and plans, gaining knowledge …. and – I have no idea what to do. I do good things for myself and feel pride… and feel incredibly discouraged and devastated with each slip.
It’s a bunch of contradicting – though not conflicting – emotions and thoughts.
Then there is life.
Time with God. Bills. Food. Zoe. Decisions. Filing. Peace. Recovery. Friends. Chores. Food. Family Drama. Kimchi. Nutrition. TV. Food. Internet. Glitter. Therapy. Netflix. Food. Meetings. Blogs. Work. Yoga. Exercise. Food. Facebook. Apartment fees. Peanut Butter. Emails. Food. Food. Kimchi. Gas prices. Butterflies. Haircut. Dentist. Food. Crayons. Food. Car making Funny Sound. Work. Career. Swimming. Organizing. Meal Plan. Nutrition. Money. Savings. Food. Reading. Laughing. Body. Rainbows. Food. Sparkly. Blessings. Poop. Vacuum Repairs. PB&J. Church. Smiles. Tears.
I feel like my brain is multi-tasking – which we all know is only efficient until it crosses the line and renders you entirely incompetent.
So in order to avoid a Breakdown,
I’m going to Break It Down and Break Me Off.
(No…not like that you dirty birdies)
In other words – I’m prioritizing and cutting off the things that bear no fruit in my life until I feel a bit more grounded and balanced.
Bye Facebook. Bye Blogs. Bye Pinterest. I’ve got to let God do some pruning.