Ready for some “Real Deal Holyfield” heavyweight-style honesty?
I used to have a “hop aboard the rollercoaster railroad of recovery” mentality.
Yeah. About that….
I have completely derailed.
I’m a train wreck
waiting to happen in motion.
I desperately need to get back on track but I don’t even remember what that looks like.
Each day begins with a commitment to do better, to try harder.
Each day ends in disappointment, shame, and a desperate hope that tomorrow will bring success.
A hope shadowed by terrifying dread of what tomorrow might bring instead.
More Failure. Derailure. <—It’s a Missy word.
From bad to worse to worster. <—Not a word, but it rhymes.
I’ll spare the details because they‘re always the same – no matter what our trappings are. The fundamental cause of all emotional and spiritual aches is an absence of love.
In my case? It’s a profound and shocking rejection of self.
Profound because the fact I do not love myself effects every aspect of my life.
Shocking because I am just now realizing this.
I mean…I’m not exactly a doom-and-gloom-suicide-risk type of gal. I smile at strangers and sing in the shower and all that good schtuff.
I see love everywhere.
—> Really. I do. <—
I love my neighbors, but not myself.
If I can’t love myself how can I hope to do anything positive? What is my motivation to stop this self-annihilating behavior and battery?
Today I‘m praying for God to give me the ears, the eyes, the mind and the heart to see, hear, understand and feel His love for me so I can cultivate my own.
- Have you succeeded in getting back on track and overcoming derailure? How?
- Have you ever had to cultivate a love for yourself?
- Is anyone bidding today? If you have money to spare you should!