Hang with me on this one. It’s lengthy and personal but I have to get this out. Let this be a cautionary tale.
Vegan Recipe for Disaster
The first ingredient is a hefty amount of cottage cheese (not vegan). What?
In explanation, during the month of November I consumed MASSIVE amounts of cottage cheese. I never knew I liked it so much but that was all I wanted. I went with it. I RAN with it. I figured my body was craving calcium or protein.
Ingredient number two cannot be purchased – persistent tummy issues<—. I didn’t have a belly-good day the whole month of November.
Finally enough was enough.. I decided to examine my diet.
Then it hit me like a ton of…Cottage cheese!
Eliminating food seemed “wrong” for me. A Big NO-NO in recovery. I tried scaling back. I tried lactose free.
Seriously what is this stuff? Not clean.
Belly boos persisted. I decided *light bulb*
Maybe I can handle RESTRAINING myself from certain foods without RESTRICTING.
I thought I could.
I happened to be reading an amazing book touting a vegan, high-raw, alkalizing lifestyle. It was additional inspiration to clean up my diet- not only in terms of cottage cheese but all dairy.
Which meant goodbye to my staples: egg whites, veggie burgers, yogurt and seafood. Just for a little while!
Some veggie burgers are vegan, but highly processed.
Missing my beloved egg whites worried me most.
I drank my green juices for breakfast and carried on.
Just for a little while…
Place all ingredients in one big pot of Eating Disorder Recovery and mix.
Continue mixing, keeping an eye on the consistency of your recovery….
Until you get entirely mixed up.
Mixed up in the head.
It happens fast.
I started feeling wonky, weak and sick.
I wrote about it here <—
See my facebook status?
*Interesting side note. My Mom’s comment on my FB status that day was “Where’s the Beef?” Hee..larious.
I kept making excuses, “Maybe I’m detoxing!” Yeah, right.
All the while, I was pumping toxins in my body via artificial sweeteners and other unmentionables. Not Clean.
I came to think of certain foods as dirty and yucky. Labeling them good or bad. Dairy seems mucousy. Cooked food was so much less-than. I felt restricted, but at the same time I didn’t WANT those foods. Kind-of like when I fell into this whole anorexic mess.
I began thinking of food in terms of Black & White.
Day and Night
Not a fun way to live life.
I felt like crap. I confessed to my Mom at one point…”I need to stop this vegan stuff but I feel like I can’t.”
It was weird.
Like my eating disorder put on a beret, adapted a French accent and disguised herself as her Parisian cousin.
I wasn’t restricting myself calorically and actually added a lot to my diet during all this. I wasn’t losing weight. Yet, I knew my feelings were not healthy. They were almost pre-orthorexic. *dundundun*
I knew what I needed to do… and am slowly taking my nipping-stick and beating this bud of insanity into oblivion. I’m starting to see in color again.
I admit, I’m still screwy from the whole experience. Maybe dairy products have lost their appeal forever. For “normal” people that’s fine. As for me? I’ve lost my privilege to cut anything from my diet without ensuing chaos (for now.)
SUCK. Yet, what a learning experience!
Eating disorders can transform in recovery; adopting new disguises, vices, obsessions and trickery. Let this be a cautionary tale.
****edited to include….I have gone vegan before in college (1999-2000) so it was nothing new. I do not drink milk and eat a bit of cheese, yogurt and I am a pescatarian who eats turkey twice a year (maybe not anymore though). So the switch was not as extreme as it may seem but it made me nuts.
- If you’re reading this I would appreciate any feedback or maybe just warn you it may not be a good idea to switch your diet whilst recovering from ED.
- If you are not in recovery…ever modify your diet only to recognize your body just wasn’t having it?
- Can anyone help me with my eye make-up? (0: