Recently God fastened a word on my heart.
I was so tired and weary, so sick of being sick and trying to recover. I wrote about it —> here.
And that’s when I heard (not audibly)
When I hear from God I spend some time with what he has told me. This is not hard. God’s Post-it notes are made of super-sticky stuff.
I go to the source.
I consult Webster’s. (Love the dictionary) Did you know gentle is also a verb?
Let’s not forget the thesaurus.
I visit L’Academie de Google.
I found this quote from Charles Lamb (so apropos for my asparagus eating self) and felt the need to share.
I doodle over it in my doodle-book.
I basically just keep thinking about it…but God does his work and throws real life examples in the mix.
I got sick and realized how UN-gentle I am with my body.
I wrote about that –>here<–
I also realized something else….
I am INCREDIBLY hard on myself.
I never noticed.
I basically abuse myself in my head ALL DAY LONG. I suppose I got used to it after a while. Now I notice it, and I can’t stand it.
Every time I hear the incessant rant of my messed up mind I feel physically battered. Its like nails on a chalkboard. It’s not gentle, I don’t like it, and neither does God. I felt, for the first time, like screaming “Shut UP!!!”
One day I was sitting in my car near tears and God literally flooded my mind with this:
HE LOVES ME.
I kept saying it, thinking it, trying to accept it… because I know it’s true. I want to feel it’s true. If he loves me so much what stops me from loving myself?
HE LOVES ME!
God wants us to love ourselves as much as he loves us. He hurts when we hurt. It hurts him when we hurt ourselves.
He wants us to love others as much as we love ourselves…not more than we love ourselves. I need to feel his love…I need to feel that.
The more trapped I am in my eating disorder the less I can feel it. His love for me, I believe, is the answer to unlock the chains I am bound in. I need to feel it.
So now I’m focusing on that…
My screensaver has changed…for starters.
and learn to love myself.
- When do you feel God’s love for you? What do you love about yourself? How do you show yourself love?