On November 4, 2009 my brother passed away unexpectedly.
One year later; today has been difficult. I am flooded with penetrating sadness, memories, and that deep sense of loss unique to each of us who loved him.
He is my hero. He is my Inspiration. He is my reason for carrying on this beautiful struggle to LIVE.
I think about him everyday.
And I have so much to write, so much to say….but today I just can’t fight my way through the fog.
Making this video helped.
I got the opportunity to speak at Greg’s service and what I wrote then was from my truest heart. I might let that speak for itself tonight.
I don’t believe my brother ever truly grasped how much I look up to him; and, as I’ve grown, developed a deep and profound respect for him. (He was a humble man).But…I know he knows now.
Greg is an inspiration to me and – our mother called it first – a real hero. And now, when I am doing life, and I feel lost…or afraid…or confused and weary…I still have him to look up to –and take a deep breath and keep moving.(And I better, too! He’s big brother, after all! I know he was a coach to many on the soccer field but he was kind of like my life coach…
When I was small and crying, he would come to my bedroom door and grab a small, pink porcelain bear he had made for me in art class. He’s kind-of wave it back and forth…like a white flag…and just stand there smiling. Within seconds we would both be laughing. I couldn’t resist.
Greg’s laughter –his spirit—it’s infectious. Right?
That image of him with the bear, smiling expectantly will be with me forever. I think we all have those images of Greg. And, in times of pain or when life might be getting the better of me (because I do struggle…I think we all do) —In those times, Greg’s spirit can help lift me up and make me smile. (And I better…he’s the big bro)
But I think he will be doing that for each and every one of us. We all loved Greg – and respected him.
He was a hard worker….ambitious and responsible. Greg handled his life very seriously –but—knew better than to ever take life too seriously. He made us smile a whole lot. With laughter and pride. And he’s gonna be able to keep us smiling.
He’ll have the biggest smile of us all.