Frustrating. Because I’ve been spending a lot of emotional energy on “taking care of myself” . I made some steps in the right direction.
For example, I barely left my apartment on Sunday and even watched a movie in the middle of the day (it is very difficult for me to sit still and just veg, so this has been a goal of mine).
But still, I feel cruddy. Yesterday I called in sick but after a couple of hours I had to peel myself out of bed — even though the boss said stay home — my wonderful work ethic guilt/compulsions wouldn’t let me stay down. I was miserable all day and STILL had to fight myself from going to the gym, which irritated me because that is… INSANE! (No I didn’t go).
Maybe watching a movie or having a snack or taking another nap isn’t exactly gonna cut the mustard when it comes to “taking care of myself.”
Today, I am feeling beleaguered by my own body. It is sore and tired and shaky and, basically, forcing me to GIVE IN and TAKE CARE OF IT.
It is God saying — “you said you wanted to learn to take care of yourself –here’s a little encouragement.”
He’s hilarious. Isn’t He?
So. How to deal. My mind is already playing tricks on me telling me “a workout is just what you need, then you need to go to the store and vacuum when you get home….” and I can’t state for certain I won’t listen to it.
But *sigh* if I DO give in that does not mean I am giving up. Maybe I don’t go home and collapse into bed. I can still do certain things to take care of “me” tonight.
Thank-you, Jesus, for working your will in my life and giving me the opportunity to learn and grow and improve and be more of the woman you would have me be. I pray that you show me why my body is so unhealthy right now — illuminate those things in my life that I need to work on.