Last year I wrote that I never wanted to forget how I spent Memorial Day Weekend. I was weak, ill, and contemplating going to Urgent Care or the ER. Scary sick. I wanted to cement that fear in my memory – I knew my tendency to get glossified and gitterized — distracted when it comes to the severity of my situation.
I didn’t forget.
I thought about it a lot this weekend…
When I swam 2500 meters (that’s 100 laps).
When I contemplated what classes I might register for…because this might actually happen.
Unlike last year, I have more than enough energy to get out of bed. Physically. Yet it’s pretty much the last thing I want to do.
I need to be honest.
I in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM feel this weekend was any better than last. Really.
My body is no longer close to death – but I feel like I am. Emotionally, spiritually, socially… I am devastated. Going into details here won’t serve me any good, I have plenty of outlets to express this stuff.
But it’s important that I let some of it show on my blog, lest I make it all look too easy. I am going through TORTURE. Everyday.
BUT I am here doing it.
Seeing Beauty and Light.
That’s just the way I am.
PS- My eye feels better. Must have been a rogue scratch or something from the chlorine?
PPS- I am not closing comments like I normally would because… what is there to say, right? But you can take my quiz!
1. Ever taken dance classes? (I have taken acro, ballet, tap, jazz and bellydance. I’ve popped in to a few Zumbas but couldn’t last because I was too weak. )
2. Do you swim for exercise?
3. Any big changes between your last Memorial Day and now?