Ever have a Paint by Number kit?
(Shouts Outs to Bob Ross and his “Little happy Cloud”)
They can be relaxing. Teach you good technique. Give you good practice, and a sense of accomplishment. Sure.
“I painted it myself!”
But they don’t make you an artist.
Your simply following directions, recreating someone else’s vision rather than using your own.
It kind-of sucks the joy out of it.
That’s how I feel about
my meal plan****
Like a paint-by-number, my meal plan was necessary in the beginning. It allowed me to practice eating & develop my technique, so to speak.
But I want to be an artist.
I want to move beyond the black and white
and add some color of my own. <—-
I want to eat in a way that naturally expresses how I feel, what I want, what my body needs, and what will satisfy me.
I don’t want to consult an instruction manual while deciding what’s for dinner.
I want to open the fridge and ask myself what do I want?
Sorry about the butt shot.
I find myself in a place where meal plans seem more eating disordered to me than just, well, eating!
For me, recovery means being a lot more normal-sauce.
I mean, come on now. Weighing out 6 oz of an apple? Really?
Just eat the dang thang! It’s an apple!
Two months ago I ditched the meal plan in favor of a more intuitive way of eating.
See this?
It’s a spoonful of peanut butter.
Not a “Tablespoonful”.
Not my “snack”
Not “a” anything.
I just wanted some peebee!
So I had some.
Then I made post peebee face. <3
My move toward intuitive eating was not taken lightly. I’m well-read and knowledgeable about nutrition, and I’m keeping my feelers up – on the lookout for signs of relapse.
So far, so good!
It has been difficult, yes.
Mostly, it has been joyful.
A whole new world has opened up to me.
I have gained a new respect for food and my body.
Speaking of gaining….guess what?
I am gaining finding weight. <——
I’m more comfortable with my weight gain
I am able to tolerate my weight gain
It’s a teensy bit easier to deal with my weight gain knowing I played a “part” in creating it.
What can I say. It’s still a bee-otch.
Le Sigh.
But I like food. Food tastes Good.
I’ll deal.
-
What is your relationship like with your meal plan?
-
Since entering recovery, have you studied or become more interested in nutrition?
-
Do you like crayons and peanut butter? *giggle* Please drop me a line I love to hear from you.
****Three years ago I was given a rather restrictive meal plan, which I latched onto in a disordered way (I plan to reflect on that in future posts but you can read more about it here<—–).
I am not discouraging meal plans, encouraging intuitive eating, recommending anything at all for anyone reading this right now. I am simply sharing where I am. For me, the meal plan I was given eventually became a mechanism to control my eating and inspiring me to restrict ****
