Ever have a Paint by Number kit?
(Shouts Outs to Bob Ross and his “Little happy Cloud”)
They can be relaxing. Teach you good technique. Give you good practice, and a sense of accomplishment. Sure.
“I painted it myself!”
But they don’t make you an artist.
Your simply following directions, recreating someone else’s vision rather than using your own.
It kind-of sucks the joy out of it.
That’s how I feel about
my meal plan****
Like a paint-by-number, my meal plan was necessary in the beginning. It allowed me to practice eating & develop my technique, so to speak.
But I want to be an artist.
I want to move beyond the black and white
and add some color of my own. <—-
I want to eat in a way that naturally expresses how I feel, what I want, what my body needs, and what will satisfy me.
I don’t want to consult an instruction manual while deciding what’s for dinner.
I want to open the fridge and ask myself what do I want?
Sorry about the butt shot.
I find myself in a place where meal plans seem more eating disordered to me than just, well, eating!
For me, recovery means being a lot more normal-sauce.
I mean, come on now. Weighing out 6 oz of an apple? Really?
Just eat the dang thang! It’s an apple!
Two months ago I ditched the meal plan in favor of a more intuitive way of eating.
It’s a spoonful of peanut butter.
Not a “Tablespoonful”.
Not my “snack”
Not “a” anything.
I just wanted some peebee!
So I had some.
Then I made post peebee face. <3
My move toward intuitive eating was not taken lightly. I’m well-read and knowledgeable about nutrition, and I’m keeping my feelers up – on the lookout for signs of relapse.
So far, so good!
It has been difficult, yes.
Mostly, it has been joyful.
A whole new world has opened up to me.
I have gained a new respect for food and my body.
Speaking of gaining….guess what?
gaining finding weight. <——
I am able to tolerate my weight gain
It’s a teensy bit easier to deal with my weight gain knowing I played a “part” in creating it.
What can I say. It’s still a bee-otch.
But I like food. Food tastes Good.
What is your relationship like with your meal plan?
Since entering recovery, have you studied or become more interested in nutrition?
Do you like crayons and peanut butter? *giggle* Please drop me a line I love to hear from you.
****Three years ago I was given a rather restrictive meal plan, which I latched onto in a disordered way (I plan to reflect on that in future posts but you can read more about it here<—–).
I am not discouraging meal plans, encouraging intuitive eating, recommending anything at all for anyone reading this right now. I am simply sharing where I am. For me, the meal plan I was given eventually became a mechanism to control my eating and inspiring me to restrict ****