Life hands us stuff: lemons, blessings, unfortunately located piles of dog poo, rainbows….etc. Not all of it is tasteful, but our job is to make do.
And sometimes that means thinking WTF and moving on.
WTF as in: WHATEVER. TOTALLY FINE.
Life’s been handing me WAY too much reality than I care for this week. I need to unload.
This WTF Wednesday is a bit of an overshare.
I prefer my reality with a side of glitter and more cowbell, but all I’ve got is bare-skinned truth served up raw. Reader beware.
Before I begin, here’s a rainbow. See it? I feel more balanced already.
My flu-like symptoms and I went to the Doctor yesterday. Guess what guys? I have anorexia. Who’d have thought?
In other words, he took one look at me and told me my body was malnourished despite what my bloodwork might indicate.
I have the BEST Dr. in the world. He knows my history, my diagnosis…he knows that I know. He knows my entire family actually. He grasps my hands in his, gives the best hugs and tells me he loves me (all of which make me cry like a baby). He told me it hurt him to watch me destroy my life when I was capable of such happiness.
The thing is, I thought I had the flu. But no. I do this to myself, evidently.
“You’ll be lucky if you reach the age of forty,” he said.
“Your brother died of a heart attack on the soccer field. You will die alone in your bed in the middle of the night.”
There is absolutely nothing Totally Fine about that.
I left with a prescription for Prilosec and Glucerna. I told him the Glucerna wasn’t going to happen but I’d think about it and try to make my own version.
My unwillingness really bothered me. I kept asking myself “Why Not?” and I didn’t like the sound of my answers.
So I got these:
Question is will I drink them? If not – WHY not?
It’s just a 160 calorie, dairy-free protein shake. That’s it!
Someone needs some WTF lessons.
Just drink the dang drink. Whatever. It’s totally fine.
Continuing on in my atypical Tuesday…..
I went back to a support group that I have not attended in many months. It was wonderful. It was another 1.5 hours of being acutely aware that I have a major problem.
Let me be clear: I know I have a problem and I think about it everyday. I just mix it with a hefty dose of sparkles and rainbows. I have a pre-programmed auto-escape.
Oh and Friday?
Friday will mark two years gone by since my brother died.
Two more years of taking up space he’d be filling with so much more.
There is absolutely nothing Totally Fine about that.
I’ve been anticipating this date for months. I knew this week would be rough but….wow.
Now, if you don’t mind I’m gonna finish up work, go to church and then come home and crawl into this:
Yup. I’m 33 and I built a fort. Whatever. Totally Fine.
Don’t be jealous. I’d let you in.
