So…. maybe I ought NOT to shut down comments huh? After writing my last post, which was in and of itself so relieving, I received such heartwarming, encouraging and logic-dropping support I feel buoyed.
I’d been drowning… trying to fight a rip tide all alone. Not smart.
Just who do I think I am?
Anyways – Just wanted to drop a quick line of thanks…
Izzy Bear, Leslie, Brick House Katie, K-Jo, Sherpa Windsay, Erin, Lex, Dara, Zuza, Jill and Andrea. Of course my everyday peoples Jozzelle, Rachel, and Jessie Jeans.
And last but not least, Sooz.
I can’t. I can’t put words to how awe–mazing she is and so much more.
Beautiful beyond description or comparison – she’s good people.
She ALWAYS rocks my world with her words and I wanted to share the email she wrote – with her permission of course. I added in pictures, but the last one is her’s.
Bee, how long did it take you to starve your body?
Do you really think it’s all babiebutts and roses just because you feed it a GDA of cals a few days/weeks/months? That’s not how it works and I know your logic brain knows this somewhere. When someone has been a general ass to you for YEARS, scolded you, bullied you, hit you, talked behind your back. FOR YEARS. Do you really think a box of chocolates (<–See what I just did there?) will make up for it? Or even two, and a card the week after?
That’s not how it works.
Trust is a homeostasis. Something that is achieved over a LONG period of time. You can’t make up for years of maltreatment by a single smile, baby bee. It will take years more to rebuild that relationship.
Relationships are a two-way thing. Just by feeding your body now doesn’t mean it instantly trusts you again.
Before the mutual trust is reestablished, your body needs to be able to really know it can rely on you.
That takes ages bee. Ages.
And it is TOTALLY worth it.
Purging? -> Trust? Uhhhh… yeah. No.
Bee, if there is ANYTHING to focus on right now, it is to stop the purging.
STOP THE PURGING.
I PROMISE you, for realz, that the bingeing is workable on with others. With therapy. With body-trust-you-re-establishment mutual stuff-ness. But the purging will take everything you have worked so hard on and are working so hard for and smash it all.
I am the QUEEN of binges
(no you aint taking that title I can promise you. For real. You’re NOT doing it any worse than I ever have, I can promise you that. For real Melis, I dont mean that as a funny competitive joke. Your binges are NOT worse than mine and I am sure we are not the only ones either).
And I am still here. And I am just accepting the possibilities to intervention by others. I am on that same road.
But the key point is; I am still here.
Hey you, I AM STILL HERE.
Despite of all the binges. It is NOT the end of the world and it will NOT be the death of you. I promise you. The purging will Melis. Please, please, if anything, whatever it takes, stop the purging. Scream, cry, smash the table wear Greek-diner style, claw a pillow apart, I don’t care. But find ways to sit through it, to howl through it. But don’t purge. I beg you
Howl to me if you need to. Bark. Wag yo tail(feathers). Anything.
You are not alone in this Bee. It’s just part of the ride. It’s doable. No fun, but doable. And worth it.
- Isn’t she just the cat’s meow dot com?