Birds of a Feather | We’re all Peacocks

I have such beautiful friends.
And yes, if you are reading this count yourself in.

Because without blogging…

It takes a good friend to read my ridiculousness – and if you enjoy it?
Well then you’re just as special as I am.

We obviously have something in common, which is why I want to share this amazing gift my friend Debbie surprised me with.

Debbie stopped by randomly with the sweetest, encouraging card and one of her favorite photos (she’s a great photog).

 

I was so touched by the beautiful message in the card – but blown away when she explained what she saw in the picture.

The peacock is looking at it’s reflection – but look at what he sees.

Despite seeing the beautiful colors in the world … his image remains stark. In shadow.
Just take a moment and look at what he is seeing of himself.

  

And yet….

There is so much that he is missing.

Don’t we all have a little bit of that Peacock inside?
We, as humans, are so easily deceived by our own self-evaluation.

It’s heartbreaking how we can be so blind to our own amazing beauty. And how sometimes that blindspot can leads us to behaviors and attitudes that harm us.

We are all Children of God, or for those who prefer –

Birds of a Feather.
What I’m saying is….we’re all unicorns peacocks.

Unless….you can be a unicorn. Then for sure do that.

I hope you remember this whole “peacock thing” at a time when you feel anything less than WHO you really are and what you’re capable of. 

Also —

You need to know that while contemplating a clever title for this post I naturally thought of incorporating Peanut Butter …….

but then:

Pea(nut butter)cock.

I’m ruined for a while. I know I say “peanut butter on ALL the things!” but…no.

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Read This and You’ll Know Why I Can’t Think of a Title

I’ve been lacking desire and motivation to get out of bed in the morning blog lately.

And really? Nothing to see here ….

 

Except replace the laptop with shameful amounts of reality television and vino. No shame in that game.

(Actually, I don’t watch the Kardash–iansanity but you get it.)

But the point remains: GET.OVER.IT.

Speaking of getting over it, it’s taking pretty much every ounce of energy I got to exist beat this funky-dunk.

I need intervention.

What I have been doing ……

……is not helping. Too much of a good thing is binge eating not good.

I’ll get back up soon.
I am sure.

No, really. I’m sure.

See? Still giggling.
I’ll find my way.

We all have to find our own way, you see… … to THE way.

(Oh look at me…come for the pickles and butterflies and stay for the deep philophosophical shiz and yes I know that is spelled wrong say it out loud and pretend like you are talking to me and now you know I talk in run-ons when I want to.)

 

We all have different ways of finding our way to THE way…

I’m glad I know which direction to head in; and glad to know I’ve a hand to hold, a steady path to follow, and a lamp to guide my way there.

But you know…I have to get out of bed and face life make a lot of changes in order to “pick up my mat” and walk.

 

• I like to  close comments when I write such a nothing but a sad hag update because…really?

  However, if you would like to comment please tell me your “not-so-shameful-except-really-they-can-be” indulgences? Are they truly indulgences or have they become vices?

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Epiphany

 

I’m flattered when people wonder after me when I don’t blog, especially since most of us are all best friends on the Facebook where I continuously litter the news feed with crass modern hip-hop, peanut butter & jelly, and the occasional enlightening or funny meme.

You know, just my typical ridiculousness overflowing on the interwebs.

Who’s bad?

Anyways, in summary I am alive and well (and BAD) thanks for asking. 
I’m still on holiday, though. My blog is too.

I celebrate the Christmas season until January 6, the day of Epiphany. 

The Epiphany celebrates the manifestation of Christ into flesh and his baptism.

In my words: it’s when we think about how lucky we are to have an accessible god both WITH us and WITHIN us. A God we can talk to without fancy lingo or even words at all….A God that understands our human nature and temptations.

 

A God that hipster youth-group kids can call their “homeboy” via ironic ringer tees. (That was a joke and I am hilariously irreverent).

It also means I get to have twinkly lights up 12 days after Christmas.

Twinkly lights make everything better. Everything.

Even ugly food.

I say keep the Twinkly lights, decorations and pretty bows around a while longer….little reminders of how lucky we are and loved.
 

Because we are gifted and loved by God.
Like, SO gifted ya’ll. *wink*

But I’ll be around next week.

Here is a picture because I like to look people in the eye when I talk to them.

Also there is almost no visible bra strap in that one and I wanted to show off.

Not trying to flaunt my “no visible eyebrows” in the picture, however but vanity and shame are not activities I excel in.
Obviously.

• When do you officially snap out of Holiday mode? Decorations up till when?
  I think it’s borderline tacky to stick it out till the 6th so they FOSHO come down quick afterward. But that’s just me.

  Oh…I found this and think it’s hilarious.

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Thinks You Should Know Thursday

I’ve been thinking and guess what?  There are some thinks I think you should know. Because.

1. Unicorns are real. This I know.

This I know, for the Bible tells me so. Tells me so 9 times, in 5 different books, by at least 5 different authors. (Google it.)

So there.
Take that however you want, but now you know. Just in time for the world to end tomorrow.

It’s still not to late to repent and accept Jesus into your heart and believe in unicorns.

2. Wine Glass Sippy Cups. I think you should know I do not approve.

I won’t go into it again. 

3. Stainless steel appliances may not be the best way to go if you have even slight OCD or neat-freak tendencies. I think more people should know this.

Why? This.

You can’t even clean it with “normal” cleanser because that makes a fog.

ANYWAYS….I think there should be a washable “sticky” type of decal (in black) you can place on handles and “high frequency” areas. You’d be able to peel on and off to wash whenever you want.
Why is there not something like this on the market? 

Closest I can find is this:

which is pretty clever and I thought you should see it.

I also think you should know that yes, these are the things I think about.

2. Because this…..

4. I don’t understand these. I think they are wrong…or I’m getting it wrong (but I’m not.) 

5. I think you should know that I am fully aware of how ridiculous my blog is.

So what? I have fun. And sometimes, maybe I have some good stuff to share like…

6.  I think you should know:

I think you should do this ….many times… on Christmas day.

Love, Jesus, is always available to us. Always here.

Be present and experience His Presence. If only for a moment.
Give praise.

*And for those of you who don’t jive with Jesus, or unicorns… please let the message stand. Absorb the love this Christmas. It’s all around.

Peace, Blessings and All my love (mean it!),

Missy

     

Ps- Sorry for my busted-ness in this pic. (not to be confused with bustiness) Rough week.

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Simple Pleasures

 

It’s the little things in life.

Rainbows. (I always share them).

A free lunch. Who says there’s no such thing?

Feeling strong enough to ride the elliptical. 

Even if it’s on the lowest settings….

and you last 5 minutes. Because:

One less thing to worry about.

A relaxing read in the sauna followed by an endorphin replenishing swim.

Having the pool all to myself while swimming that swim.

A client randomly (?) handing me a bag full of snacks I know and love.

Colored pens to journal with. Always.

Especially when they have glitter!

 

I’m going to let this one speak for itself. Yes, I’m going there.

Inheriting a Christmas tree, doing a horrible job putting it up and being able to say….enough for one night. Whatever. Totally Fine.

 

Letting the imperfections be…and being content to curl up in the warm glow of the twinkle lights, with my girl by my side.

I’ll eventually fix it. And guess what? The pass-along bulbs are sparkly and the white ones have light interference like bubbles.

Speaking of bubbles, or “fairy globes,” my friend emailed a picture that gave me a little a moment of awe.

It’s the little things.

The little moments.

It’s being Present, in God’s Presence…wherein we can experience Him and his abundant love.

Being filled with gratitude no matter the circumstances.

• What have been some of your recent moments of simple pleasure?

*Praying for those whose lives have been inexplicably and inextricably  altered today as a result of the shootings in Connecticut*

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12.12.12

For me, the coolest thing about it being 12.12.12 today is that it’s 12 days until Christmas too!

That’s using my logic and my math – both of which are highly questionable.

I like it that way.

I intend to fill the next twelve days with moments of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

There’s been a serious lack of fruit in my life lately.

Most likely due to a drought in my spiritual time with God.

What better time to correct that?

I intend to.

And…

I intend to live more from intention and less from habit.

That’s the hard part.

Stupid habits. (0;

So I intend to keep my focus on doing the next right thing.
And then the next.

I intend to keep my focus on BECOMING.

I need to straighten up and act like I got some dang sense, for God’s Sake!

For His Glory.

(Still not old. Not sorry).

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Fill Your Mind and Breathe

I thought today’s only writing prompt for NHBPM was “Redesign a doctor’s office or hospital room.”

Yeah….

I was going to use one of the the two optional days off but I’m trying to avoid that so I sat down and gave it a college try.

And…..

I got nothing. I was going to call that good and leave it at that. “Whatever. Totally Fine.” It is Wednesday, after all.

But then I caught this announcement on facebook.
A second option.

Being mindful and centered in the present (or trying to be at least) is something I have many thoughts on.

When I think of mindful – I tend to think of it as “mind-FULL.” I have compulsive tendencies – none of them healthy – and when I am consumed in them I am absolutely mindless. The object of the game is to avoid that as much as I can.

I try to keep my mind full of thoughts that remind me of what I really want; what is really important. In order to help me do so, I rely on lots of visual cues in my workplace, car and home.

 

 

 

It works….some of the time. *wink*

As for being present….well… it’s something I aim for not only daily – but continually – moment to moment to moment….

Being present to me is being in God’s Presence…something beautiful and vital. One sure way to connect with that is to just notice my breath.

If you know me well, you know I’m all about breathing. (You too? lol.)  But I’ve already written about that here.

Besides, sitting in front of this screen is not the best way I can achieve the whole “being centered in the present” thing.

So with that I’m shutting her down for the night.

I bought a bottle of vino to celebrate the end of the election. Well, not to celebrate the end of the election but….the fact that it’s done and over. I have dinner to fix, a dog to walk and many moments full of opportunities to be mindful and present ahead of me.

Nitey nite!

Other NHBPM  posts I have written can be found here.

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This Ain’t Real | Video

Can anybody see the light?

Did you realize no one can see inside your view?

Did you realize the world inside belongs to you?

Just set aside your fears of life….

It ain’t real.

Lyrics from “Strangers” by Portishead.

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2

Our eating disorders are not reality.
Recovery, restoration is possible.
It starts in the mind, by changing the way you think.

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Eyes Wide Open

Moved to tears.

The first song I heard this morning (in the car on my way to work) got into my heart pretty quick. Sometimes the music is more background sound as my thoughts take center stage (and sometimes the music is the Ricky Smiley Morning Show).

Sometimes I get to have an all encompassing worship session (or a fantastic voyage on the jam pony express).

Today I had a moment of Truth. A word from my Father. Something.

It was from above.

And then the tears. My heart was so warm and I felt such understanding, compassion and encouragement all at once. I felt the presence of my brother very strong in my entire being.

I’ve already cried twice more today just – by the emotion of it.

You want to hear the song?

Because I want to share it.
(I like this version with lyrics, the original video here).

Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown

So tell me you’re strong, tell me you see

So show me your fire, show me your heart
You know I’ll never let you fall apart if you
Keep your eyes open, my love

This song is where I’m at. (If you want to know where I am.)

How am I? I am.

I am striving to get to the place I belong, the place that reflects the totality of my being. Away from the shrouds and darkness and traps and chains of disordered eating. incomprehensible demoralization. Unrelenting disappointment* and hope deferred* while I wait for a tomorrow that never comes.

*Prov 13:12

 

The time is today. Everyday. The time is now. Every moment.

Keep your eyes open.

PS- I’m going to be be writing again! I’m gonna get warmed up and then next week it is on!

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Break Me Off Some

Uh-oh. I’m about to get personal and stuff.
I’ve been feeling stupid overwhelmed for a while.

Yes, stupid overwhelmed. Because really? I have it easy. My life is underwhelming if anything. It’s stupid. Yet- I can’t deny it.

I’ve been overwhelmed something stupid.
Rendered useless. Frozen. Paralyzed.

By…what? By life? Really, Missy? Get a grip. I know. Yet, the feeling remains. I can’t explain it, I don’t know why I’m writing about it, but there is release in expression.

I have a feeling this overwhelmity has a lot to do with the changes I’m faced with and the actions I’m taking to move toward recovering my sanity around food and getting my life back.

More specifically, how I feel about them. I’m more determined, more willing to face the fear, more disgusted with what I have allowed myself to become then I’ve ever been. That’s overwhelming in and of itself.

 
This is my food journal. Where I write down what I eat everyday.

This is the back of my food journal, where I tear the previous day’s entry off and start “fresh” because I messed up. I’ve done this every day so far. Yup. Not even one day under the belt.

 

I am motivated, hopeful….. and terrified.
I am making goals and plans, gaining knowledge …. and – I have no idea what to do. I do good things for myself and feel pride… and feel incredibly discouraged and devastated with each slip.

It’s a bunch of contradicting – though not conflicting – emotions and thoughts.

And Fear. Always there. Always coming up again. Terrified.

Then there is life.

Time with God. Bills. Food. Zoe. Decisions. Filing. Peace. Recovery. Friends. Chores. Food. Family Drama. Kimchi. Nutrition.  TV. Food. Internet. Glitter. Therapy. Netflix. Food. Meetings. Blogs. Work. Yoga. Exercise. Food. Facebook. Apartment fees. Peanut Butter. Emails. Food. Food. Kimchi. Gas prices. Butterflies. Haircut. Dentist. Food. Crayons. Food. Car making Funny Sound. Work. Career. Swimming. Organizing. Meal Plan. Nutrition. Money. Savings. Food. Reading. Laughing. Body. Rainbows. Food. Sparkly. Blessings. Poop. Vacuum Repairs. PB&J. Church. Smiles. Tears. 

I feel like my brain is multi-tasking – which we all know is only efficient until it crosses the line and renders you entirely incompetent.

So in order to avoid a Breakdown,

I’m going to Break It Down and Break Me Off.

(No…not like that you dirty birdies)

In other words – I’m prioritizing and cutting off the things that bear no fruit in my life until I feel a bit more grounded and balanced.

Bye Facebook. Bye Blogs. Bye Pinterest. I’ve got to let God do some pruning.

 

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