Flat Out Eggz

I’ve been eating lots of eggs lately – or eggz, rather. Since my “eggs” come from a carton most of the time,  I refer to them as eggz. Because.

I’ve been hooked on eating them a way I call flat-out. I think I may have invented it but probably not.

I received questions about it when I showed then told about my pickle and PeaBee “Pizza” thing. Thing. *giggle*

I eat “things.”

Here’s the deal behind the egg part of that thing.

I fill a Pam sprayed 9” cake pan (or two) with 1 cup of eggz. Preset oven to 450…bake for 20 minutes…flip for a few more and boom. 

You can continue to bake to get a firmer, crispier, chewier* flat. You can also play around with the amount of eggs and cooking times.

*Rubberier? I make no claims for my peculiar taste preferences so if you try this and hate it …*shrug* then I don’t know what. lol.

I put them on a rack to cool. I do not know why I do this. It’s optional.  Sometimes I cut them into quarters and halves.

Sometimes I cut them in small squares or strips…

Sometimes I leave them full and make pizzas or fold some beans and stuff things inside and eat like a soft taco…

And sometimes…

Don’t tell me you didn’t see that coming.

 

It’s like a PBJ sandwich except one thing…it’s totally NOT like a PBJ sandwich. Nor a tortilla wrap, nor a pizza crust.

It just is what it is.

Flat Out Eggz.

I like them things.

I eat things.

****Aside:

I just thought to google this before I hit publish (because this still hasn’t gotten old for me) and look what I found…

This blog writes itself.

• So let’s “talk” … what are your HONEST thoughts about my flat out eggz.
• How do you like your eggs or do you eschew them?

 

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Canoo Canoodle?

I spent last night canoodling in my pajamas.

No, I haven’t “met someone” and relinquished my single girl status.

I canoodled my radish. <— oh dear. that sounds naughty.

*ahem*

 

I made daikon-noodles.

What’s it takes to turn this:

**

into this?

Mad skillz for starters. Or a mandolin.

(I’m mandolin-less but madskillz-full.)

**

And LOTS of canoodling.

 

Thrilling.

Here the deal:

You julienne your daikon, sprinkle it with sea or kosher salt and let it sit. The salt extracts water from the radish and it begins to soften. The daikon gets sort-of noodley. Noodlish?

Every 20 minutes or so canoodle your noodle…..or massage your radish.

(Oh good grief.  I swear I am typing this just shaking my head and wondering where this stuff comes from. )

Give it a juuzsh.

The longer you let it sit, the softer it will get. (Oh dear. This could get ugly but let’s not.)

Um…rinse the salt from the radish, drain and … boom. Delicious daikon “noodles in the raw.” I like it just like that, maintaining some of the crisp-crunch. (I plan on fermenting this batch into kimchi.)

You can also boil julienned radish until it gets super-duper soft and much more noodle-esque. Top with marina sauce and nutritional yeast or peanut sauce. Yum.

Noodelicious.

**

Daikons are good canoodlers.

PS- Add calories and protein and fat and all that….

**not my picture

 

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“Na-cho” Mama’s Chips & Salsa (Corn Free, Gluten Free, Flour Free, Sugar Free, Vegan, FDA Approved)

If you take the corn out of a tortilla chip, can you still call it a tortilla chip? Hmm..good question.

Either way – I found some corn-free chips that make me smile.

You read that correctly. No Corn. It’s a chip even Clean Eating Chelsea can eat. Hooray!

I found Beanitos on the interweb and instantly fell in love. First of all, the company is based in Austin, Texas where cool people live. (I used to be one).

I also love the idea of taking corn out of the equation. Corn is ubiquitous in our diets. Avoiding it is kind-of like socking it to “The Man.”

By using beans and rice in lieu of corn, these chips are a source of complete protein. Score!

The ingredients list is super clean.

Check out those flax seeds!

They taste a bit like a deep-fried Mary’s Gone Cracker. Sounds good, right?

Yes, they’re fried. Fat-free they are not. (Thank goodness. One more “free” and they’d look like a healthy-label whore.) 

Anyways, it’s apple season! Why not pair a non-traditional chip with a non-traditional salsa?

Here’s how I made mine, so you get the idea.

Apple-Cucumber Salsa

 

• 1 cup diced English (Seedless) cucumber
• 1 cup diced Macintosh Apple (Macs are firm, crisp and tangy sweet)
• 3/4 cup diced red onion (I LOVE onions…use your judgment)
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
• Cayenne to taste
• Cumin to taste
• Sea Salt
• Optional – sweetener of choice (I used a packet of Splenda)
• Optional – couple dashes of light olive oil or canola oil.
• Fresh cilantro or mint would rock this salsa out; I didn’t have any.

Put everything in a container and stir. (Duh). Surprisingly the apples stay crisp and do not brown for days in the fridge. The longer the flavors have a chance to wed,  the better the salsa.

Any interesting salsa concoctions you’d like to share?

PS- I still can’t believe I used the word whore. What has come over me?

PPS- The people from Beanitos were kind enough to send me these chips when I could not find them locally. (Thanks guys!)

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Brass(ica) Monkey Salad

I’m crazy about Brassica.

“Readers who came here for fun not for fancy-word learning say WHAT?”

 Brassica is the family of vegetables us common folk refer to as “greens.” Spinach, Kale, Collards, Brussels, Broccoli…etc. It’s one big happy family of nutritional powerhouses and I can’t get enough.

I love ‘em like a fat kid loves cake.*

*Raise your hand if you think I’m hilarious.

I’m a bit of a BRASSica Monkey.

Beastie Boys anyone? (Click here for the soundtrack to this recipe.)

Brassica Monkey Salad

Vegan, Gluten-Free, Sugar-Free, FDA approved, Dentist Recommended

 

Basically, this is a massaged Kale salad with cannellini beans, tomato, onion and steamed broccoli. But I gave it a name. That makes it mine.

First you have to massage your Kale (<—-it helps to say this in a seductive voice.) Tear the Kale into bite size pieces (no stems).  Add dressing and sea salt and *seductive voice* Massage.

I used this dressing:

I LOVE this stuff. Check out the ingredients.

Can you spot the Brassica?

 

I also used nutreast.

When your done working the Kale, let it Chill in the fridge for a while.

Rinse, drain and dry your beans. Steam your broccoli. Chop your onion and tomato. Then…make a salad!

This salad has fats, carbs and protein. For a heartier meal, add grain or pasta and tofu, fish or veggie burger. Quinoa would be an excellent addition; adding protein and carbs in one fell swoop.

 

By the way, if you eat Brassica Monkey Salad here’s how ya feel:

“You put your left leg down, your right leg up”

  

Tilt your head back

and finish it up!”

 

That Funky Monkey.

• What’s your favorite salad combo?
• Have you ever *voice* massaged your Kale? Have you gone all the way with it and made *gasp* Kale chips?

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If You Can’t Eat It…

My father is a wise man.  His colorful aphorisms have peppered my life.

Of his many tropes, my favorite is about acquisition:

If you can’t eat it,

and it doesn’t make you money…

what good is it?

I recognize there are many things wrong with this statement. Clearly- this is not the logic to use when considering things like having a child or adopting a pet.

 

My father would buy me as many books as I wanted. He sent me to camp each summer and encouraged me in extra-curricular activities. He knows the importance of enjoying life’s pleasures.  In fact, he is cruising the British Isles as I write this.

This is not the logic to employ when navigating life’s more philosophical pursuits.

No- This is the type of logic one needs to pack when navigating the aisles of Target.

When you head to Target for two things:

It is quite easy – dare I say unavoidable – to be distracted by items you do not need. Items you never knew you wanted until you saw them.

They are “out of sight, out of mind” items. You easily fall for them upon first sight – and they are quickly forgotten when you walk away. Unless they wind up in your shopping cart.

It’s during these pivotal moments when I hear my father’s voice. 

“If you can’t eat it and it doesn’t make you money, what good is it?”

I’m often able to walk away.

Did I leave Target with just two things? Ah, hail naw. I’m female human.

I picked up a new bathing suit (my pool eats a bathing suit every two weeks), a travel tumbler (saves money in the long run) and some nude eye shadow (why do I even bother?). All practical items.

Then, you know, I saw these. They don’t make you money.

But you can eat them.

You can eat them together!

Lightly steam your carrots, sprinkle with gomasio and make this nutty dip:

Far-East Nutty Dip Baby Dip

• 3 T nut butter (I used the almond, peanut & cashew blend from Target)
• 2 T Bragg’s Aminos  or soy Sauce
• 2-3 T water for desired consistency.
• Cayenne, Garlic Powder and Sweetener to taste.

Nuke it and stir until smooth, it thickens as it cools.

 

Totally Money.

Dip Baby Dip!!!

Oh, and about that sparkling coconut La Croix.

Not for everyone, but I like it. Tastes like the smell of suntan lotion.

Curious? If you put it on your Target list now, you won’t feel so bad when it winds up in your cart later.

 

• What was your last Target acquisition? If you don’t have a target by you I don’t know whether to pity you or envy you…
• Do you like to steam or blanch your veggies for crudite? I always do.
• Did/does your Dad have any sayings?

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Red, White & Blue (and a recipe)

I forget we are at war.

“Forget” is an understatement, actually. What I experience is a non-reckoning most days weeks months.

This is sad. <— gross understatement

Lives have been lost and more will follow. I can’t even imagine the hardships of families whose loved ones are serving. Marriages and families are in jeopardy. What’s it like when your husband or father has spent 5 of the past ten years at war? What’s it like to be shot at everyday?

I wish I could say I thought of it more often. I don’t.

Case in Point:

Even today, of all days, I found myself thinking about…food (of course). I’m not alone. This I know. For many, Memorial Day is mostly just a day off work and a backyard barbeque.

“Look, hon, Saving Private Ryan is on. Oh yeah, that’s right it’s Memorial Day!”

But, you know, we’re human. It’s All Good.

I was thinking about red, white and blue and it occurs to me the only blue food I can think of (from the earth, mind you) is blueberries.

I guess there are blue potatoes….

which I have consumed only in this form by the way:

But really? What else is there? And besides–they look more purple to me.

There’s not a lot of blue in the fruit and vegetable color spectrum. Purple? Yes. But blue is very rare.

Why? Is it biologically unappealing? (I must google this sometime) 

My point? I have none. Really.<—understatement. 

But since I was thinking about blueberries I thought I would share a recipe.

Sugar-Free Flour Free Blueberry Loaf (Individual)

I rarely make these, but they are pretty tastey and you can make them with blueberries, too (unpictured).

• 1oz oats
• 1/4 c egg whites
• 1.5 oz mashed banana
• 2 oz yogurt
• 1.5 t baking powder
• add blueberries till your content
• 1 or two packets of sugar substitute.

Combine ingredients, pour in mini loaf pan and bake at 400 for 40 minutes. Experiment! You get the idea. Tastes like…well..it tastes like a sugar-free flour free loaf. It’s good, though, I promise.

Happy Memorial Day, try not to think morbid thoughts. Let’s just be grateful that we live in a country where it is possible to be so self-indulgent and self-centered most of the time.

I am grateful that the only explosions I hear are fireworks on the Fourth of July.

But today I remember (for a little while) that it comes at a price.

• Can you tell me about a blue fruit or vegetable I am missing out on?
• Does blue food aesthetically appeal to you? Maybe that is why it is in short supply.
• How does the war affect you on a daily basis..or does it?

 

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Buddha’s Birthday Bibimbap (Lazy White Vegetarian Girl Style)

Happy Birthday Buddha!

Koreans are celebrating Buddha’s 2555th birthday during their Lotus Lantern Festival and I wish I could be there. It looks amazing.

(Source)

I can’t even imagine the spectacle, the festivals, the parades.

I wanted to make a lantern of my own to celebrate. Look at how beautiful!

But instead I decided to make food. Korean food. Specifically Bibimbap. Not only is it fun to say, but it looks pretty simple (and delicious).

Bibimbap is essentially a mix of rice, seasoned vegetables (namul) and gochujang (red pepper paste). It is usually served with beef and topped with an egg.

Sounds good, right? Now that I’ve baited you with beautiful pictures from my cookbook, you must know I have my own way of doing things. I decided to make:

Lazy White Vegetarian Girl Bibimbap

After all, it’s Buddha’s birthday and he’s down with non-action right? Oh, and I’m pretty sure he’s vegetarian. Oh, and I don’t really cook as much as assemble.

So this is what I did in about 10 minutes. Yes. Ten minutes.

Ingredients: Brown Rice, Broccoli slaw, Radish Kimchi, Scallion, Garlic, Egg, Bragg’s, Gomasio, Chilli Garlic Sauce, Seasoned Toasted Nori.

I cook my rice in my handy-dandy “Flavor Steamer” by Black and Decker. Set it and forget it (I pressed play in the morning and went to work). EASY (and lazy).

I steamed broccoli slaw. Far be it from me to slice and dice all that namul. I added garlic, scallions, braggs and gomasio (sea salt and black sesame seeds).

I ALWAYS have kimchi handy (what you don’t?). This is just radish (daikon) kimchi. Want to make your own? Click here.

About that gochujang. I could easily pick some up at the Korean Market but it’s loaded with sugar and starch and I’ve mentioned before I am not Zen about sugar and flour.

I used this Chili Garlic Sauce, which is like Srirachi sauce but has no sugar. (I use this all the time. So good).

My beloved toasted Nori is optional. You can buy it at Whole Foods and Trader Joes (and be robbed), get some from a Korean Mart or make your own (click here).

See? It’s different from sushi nori.

About that egg. I love my egg whites but I don’t do the yolks too often. In keeping with my lazy ways I decided to soft poach an egg in the microwave and call it a day.

Then you put it all together.

I don’t cook. I assemble.

Man, I wish I had fried that egg.

 

Bust open the yolk and stir it all up.

It was very good, but I won’t get too attached. Buddha wouldn’t want that.

Besides, I really want to make a legit version soon. I know Koreans would cringe at this bastardized version.

Until then, I’ll just chill.

• Did you know it was Buddha’s Birthday? If not you an file that under “I learned something new today!”
• Do you love my weird, ugly food or are you gagging. Be honest! I know you love me anyway.
• What’s your “lazy” meal of choice?

 

 

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Spreadippity Sunflowery Artichoke (Vegan)

I wanted to make something with Hearts of Palm for Palm Sunday, but my thinking quickly turned to Artichoke Hearts and suddenly that’s all I wanted.

I cracked open one of my favorite books to get some background on artichokes (how to choose, how to prepare…etc). The index led me to the Jerusalem Artichoke, which is another name for Sunflower Choke and not an artichoke at all.

 

I had a magical moment of brilliance.

“Sunflower…..artichoke….um,yum!”

 

(There are WAY too many shots of my bra on this blog. You can call me ghetto or lazy, but please just choose one.)

Spreadippity Sunflowery Artichoke

*It’s a dip..it’s a spread…it’s super-spreadippity, man!

This stuff is so good. I’m talking windows-to-the-walls delicious. Sunflower seeds and artichokes are a dynamic duo, like the Yin-Yang twins. (This concludes the crunk segment of this post.)

Plus, it’s so easy even a caterpillar can do it.

Get your goods out:

• 1 can of artichoke hearts  (not marinated )
• 2 tbsp olive oil (I use extra light but any kind)
• 2 tbsp sunflower seed butter
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1/2 tsp Herbes de Provence (or oregano maybe)

Put ingredients in food processor and blend until smooth. The artichoke hearts can get stringy so make sure you blend it well.

Eat it with a spoon and swoon (like I did). But you can also use it on crackers, chips, and crudités (like I did.)

Radishes and Mary’s Gone Crackers.

 

All together now….

This stuff is prime material for experimentation so get your cow bell out. Spinach, nutritional yeast, maybe some tofu….the possibilities are prolific. 

If you like artichoke dip….you will ADORE this. I promise. Try it.

Okey-dokey, artichokey?*

(*Random fact: I say this at least once a day.)

• When I finally get to the store for a real artichoke, how should I fix it up?
• I should probably not do a recipe post that includes pictures of my bra and my feet again.

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Maruchi Kimchi (Vegan, Gluten Free<–I’m hilarious)

My friend David (if you don’t know him click here) gave me a Korean name last year– Maruchi.

(Sounds like Ma-roo-chee).

I love it. He recently told me it means “spastic little fish.” Which is way too appropriate.

 

Check out this photograph he gave me – it’s me in fish form!

Anyways.

David turned me into a kimchi addict. (It all started here).

What is kimchi? It’s a traditional Korean dish of fermented vegetables. Fermented food does a body good. 

He ignited my kimchi spark, then taught me to fuel my own fire. He gave me photographs of how he makes kimchi (and he makes THE BEST kimchi) and many lectures about the details.

I’ve been practicing. I am pleased to present you with:

Maruchi Kimchi

First things first.  Get all your friends together:

 

• Napa Cabbage
• Korean Radish (or the longer Japanese Daikon)
• Scallion
• Garlic
• Kosher Salt (not iodized or sea salt)
• Korean Red Pepper*
• Glass Jars

* This is hard to find. David says never use crushed red pepper flakes. The first time I made Kimchi, I used cayenne which came out fine. This time David gave me some of his Korean Red Pepper. (I might have to invest, it comes in huge bags that cost $15 a pop. Kind of daunting for a single gal).

Look at the glittery little crystals. Korean pepper flakes are like none I’ve ever seen.  

Random aside: David gave the pepper to me in a mango jam jar. Who knew of such a thing?

Back to business. Halve your cabbage.

(Does that sound weird?)

 

Then halve each half.   

Cut the cores…

Give them a bath

Cut the peeled daikon and cabbage into bite size pieces.

Then place them in a large bowl (make sure it’s a large bowl) alternating layers of veggies and salt.

Based on my research and advice from David I used 1 cup of salt for a 5 lb cabbage and two large radishes.

General rule of thumb is 1/4 cup salt per lb of cabbage.

Then you let it hang out for a few hours…

Tossing occasionally

The vegetables will reduce in size drastically and release a lot of water. See it all?

Drain your veggies and give them a quick rinse.

Chop the garlic and scallions.

 

I used about 15 green onions and the equivalent of maybe three heads of garlic. (I’m not scared)

Add them to the mix with the pepper flake.

And mix it all up.

I know, I know. You’re drooling all over your keyboard huh?

No cupcakes, oatmeal or vegan dough-balls here at Beautiful Struggle. I bring you fermented cabbage and pickles and peanut butter – my own green monsters.

*David told me many Koreans have a separate fridge devoted for kimchi. Now I understand why.

Grab some glass jars (not plastic) and let your Kimchi “ripen” outside the refrigerator for at least 24 hours. You know you’ve got fermentation action when you see the tiny bubbles.

Then stick it in the fridge…the longer you wait the “riper” it will get. When I say “ripe” I’m alluding to a distinct trademark smell the Kimchi releases. Pungent, briny, garlicky..well…you just have to smell it.

Some say “yum” and some say “run!”

I say “freaky, stinky food is FUN!”

Hey, It could be worse. Most kimchi is made with fish sauce and some with salted shrimp and other seafood. I draw the line at fermented fish.

• What’s your Kimchi verdict? Be honest. Just be sure to add the “but I love you anyways” after.

• David’s reading this….you can say “Hi” if you want.

 

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Oodles of Shroomoodles (Vegan, Gluten Free)

When I was in college I ate a lot of ramen. (Who didn’t?)

 

As a vegetarian, I would toss the seasoning pack in favor of creating my own flavor. I would even use pasta sauce. My boyfriend and I consumed many ramen munchie creations while sobering up on the couch watching Simpson’s re-runs.

*(Are you reading this Nathan?)

With maturity came the realization that ramen noodles aren’t exactly healthy. I haven’t ate them in over a decade.

I don’t eat flour at all anymore, but I do enjoy zucchini and spaghetti squash “pasta” and now my new favorite “noodle”:

Enoki Mushrooms

I found enoki mushrooms at the Korean mart and swiftly helped myself. I LOVE trying new vegetables. I took out my books and got acquainted with my new friend before deciding what to do with them.

 

Enoki Mushrooms are low-calorie and high-fiber. They are great sources of niacin, potassium and B vitamins. A one cup serving has two grams of protein. Not bad!

Enoki mushrooms are very crisp and can be eaten raw like sprouts in salads or sandwiches. They make a wonderful garnish for soups and when sautéed they become a pasta/noodle substitute.

As soon as I heard soup and noodles I knew what had to be done.

The enoki mushroom has a spongy base that you need to trim before using.

Separate the “noodles” and rinse in cold water.

I sautéed the shrooms in sesame oil and gomasio and…

….Ta-to the-da, you get “Shroomodles.”

 

These are delicious as is (the nutty sesame oil is the perfect foil for these guys). I decided to throw them in some simple miso soup for the ultimate slurp experience.

All I did was boil water, garlic and scallions and added the miso and shroomoodles at the last minute.

*Never boil miso unless you want to destroy the super-amazing enzymes in it. Who’d want to do that?*

The noodles retain a bit of their crunch, like an al dente pasta. Yum.

SSSLLLLUUURRRRRP. Ahhhh.

It’s 89 degrees out, I’m off to get my swim on.

• What are you up to this weekend?
• Can you eat soup in warm weather?
• When was the last time you tried a new produce item?

 *EDITED TO ADD* In light of some comments I received, I feel obligated to add that this bowl of soup is not an adequate source of nutrition and is in no means my idea of a meal. I feel silly having to write this as it seems a bit defensive, but I love reader comments and I think a couple people may have misconstrued this post.

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