Screw ALL the Things!

I found the perfect Mother’s Day card a couple weeks ago at Target: 

It’s entirely what my Mom needs, trust me.

Tuesday I realized that I needed to get a gift together quick, because my parents left for Europe yesterday for a few weeks.

Like I said, I really wish there was a “screwitol” pill my mom could take. Perhaps that’s why I spontaneously created this to go along with the card:

I created a secret board on The Pinterest and pinned quotes and what-nots, which I then printed and cut into little take-a-ways she can grab when she felt the urge to scream cry shake someone relax a bit.

Some were inspiring truths…

And some were more direct…

I added some funny one’s as well.
She got a real kick out of this one:

Anyways, I have de-privatized the board so if you want to see it help yourself.
Maybe you’re in need of a dose of screw-it-all yourself?

I’m considering making a similar jar for myself filled with things I need to read often like scripture and quotes that tell me I’m not fat inspire me.

*What are you doing for Mom’s Day?
*Did you know you can make “secret” Pinterest Boards?
OH and I need advice:
*Do you know a way to privately upload photos from your phone to your computer using the web (I don’t have a cord)?

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To Recap:

Christmas:

I spent it with my Mom…

  

(I make her laugh…..either that or she was drunk. I’ll never tell.)

And my Dad…

(We both look like grumpsters but it was more like we were drunksters. Or..buzzsters.)

   

And my Brother and Sister in Law…
(We don’t like to touch each other.)

And….my favorite peeps in the entire world……

I mean SHUT UP with how lucky I am.

New Years:

I made no resolution and instead chose to focus on just one word.

Speaking of Behavior…you see that gorgeous and amazing picture up there of me and my niece and nephews? 
Yeah about that.

I addressed the obvious brow FAIL I mentioned in my last post.
Better huh?
I actually LOVE how my face gets red because …well…I love how ridiculous it is. Cheap thrills y’all. 

And that is all I have to say about my brows AND my thighs (my brain can go ahead and do whatever it wants I don’t care). Next up…a Haircut.

To Recap My Life in General?

Peanut Butter….

And glitter……..

Make EVERYTHING BETTER.

Peanut Butter fills the cracks in the soul

Glitter reflects a little light when we feel anxious and afraid

(Peanut Butter also fills in the thighs and glitter eases your anxiety about THAT, amen? Actually Peanut Butter helps me deal with my thighs too. #emoeating).

• Give me a recap of your life in general in two words (I’ll love you if you steal mine).
• Any new years reso-s, focus or word?

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ommm….

Deep Breath. Inhale….and….exhale. Ahhhhh… Ommmmm…..shanti…शान्ति.

OMMM- On My Mind Monday – Where the breathing is deep, but the thoughts? Not so much.

Here’s what’s what.

Suffice it to say my peanut butter fast is no longer an issue.

Serious pickle and peabee domination went down on Saturday night. #rockingsociallife

I finally broke into that un-opened jar and proceeded to relieve it of over 1/2 it’s contents. A piece of my soul sinks every time I succumb to such peanut butter abuse. Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of like that. Thank goodness it’s such a forgiving friend. It’s all like … “I know, I know. I’m just THAT awesome you can’t help yourself. I’m used to it by now.”

What else…

Thanksgiving came and went …awesome day. Good times with the family. We definitely did not have enough food. Every year- same thing. Will we ever learn? (0;

 

That’s one of those faces you get when you are smiling FOR DAYS and your nephew can’t get the camera to work.

We got my nephew the Celebration roast and my mom baked it up. I tried a bite of the meaty stuff between the breading and the filling and it was delicious. Sausage-y almost.

As for myself I ate …oh probably a pound of shrimp.

 

 

 

My nephew also delivered some shocking news that night – he only told me. It has had me a tail-tizzy ever since and I’m losing sleep over it. I’m just concerned, worried…trying to help etc.

So —as for what’s really on my mind this Monday — it’s that. I can’t help it. It’s very troublesome and I’m giving it up to God … like 80,000 times a day. (0:

That may also explain the 3/4 jar of peanut butter affair.

But actually? That’s just me. (0:

 

• How was your thanksgiving? Try anything new?
• Ever been obsessing over a loved one’s difficulties when you need to be focused on your own?

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I Know He’s Laughing With Me

Three years ago yesterday my brother died suddenly and unexpectedly. I mentioned it was a heavy day but truthfully it’s just one of the more poignant days in a series of difficult months.

It starts every year in October and lasts through January. In October, the climate changes and there is a certain feeling in the air and in the light. This alone, along with Halloween starts me thinking and grieving for my brother as October was his last days on earth. The last pictures and videos he took were on Halloween with his one year old son.

 

He dressed Braeden up as Yoda for Halloween that year.

Then of course November comes and ALL the memories flood in of the shock and the funeral and then the holidays…. and just…. grieving. I get sad moments a lot and my mood dips in general. I have a lot of guilt about his death and feel it much more during these months. My energy wanes and-  in the past – my appetite clicks to off. My health suffers.

 

This year I can’t let that happen and it’s taking a lot of effort – which is why I chose to do this 30 days on Health thing – I need all the positive encouragement and motivation I can get.

Greg is and has always been an inspiration to me – he struggled with his own demons came out on top. He is both a role model in life AND in recovery.

I need to channel that especially hard this year over the next few months because it hasn’t been enough before — as he would be telling me with words if he were here. Step it up a notch sister!

His motto was/is “I Never "Try" anything…I JUST DO IT!”

He liked/likes Yoda apparently.

He also told me once “Shit or get off the pot, Missy!” lol.

So true.

I am praying for his spirit to fill me with the serving of whoop-azz he’d be giving me were he alive coupled with his complete energy of awesomeness.

It often does. I feel him.

 

I was out yesterday and encountered this little vision which had me in a complete fit of giggles. It is EXACTLY the type of thing that Greg and I would laugh at for days. Not many people would get it.

I’m not going to explain the picture below or why I find it so hilarious (I will say it has everything to do with the book). You either get it or not. But Greg? I know you’re still laughing with me on this.

 

That’s a fake rat.

Greg – I know you and I will share many of these laughs as long as I’m here on earth. (PS- Were you there yesterday with Mom and the Spanx? I mean ..outside the dressing room obviously..but man. How hilarious was that? )

Today’s Prompt for NHBPM is  “Write a list of three things you are inspired by.” I chose one. Greg. I totally cheated. I needed to write this today.  Previous posts can be found here.

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Birthday Wishes

No, you’re not seeing double. I had me a birthday recently and my Mom got me the same exact card she got me last year. Not on purpose.

A faux pas? No way. Not the way I see it. 

Twice the love.

As she said, the words inside must really mean a lot to her.

Only I can become the woman God made me to be.
Only I can change those things that weigh me down.

Though she wishes she could “fix” me … all she can do is be there with love. That is enough. All I need.

 
I didn’t have a cake (duh) or candles on my birthday…but my birthday wish is that I will grasp hold of the things she wishes she could give me more of. Wisdom, Success, Health, Happiness. That way, she wouldn’t have to wish for them anymore.

But recovery, soul work, success, inner peace…these are not built on wishes.

“That’s something that has true value only if it is earned.”

Today is my Mother’s birthday….and she deserves to make her own birthday wishes. Birthday wishes for her and her alone and not for our aching hearts. 

Then, when she blows out the candles, she can have absolute peace.

I wish….

I love you Mom. I know you love me. Thank you.

Happy Birthday. You is good. You is kind. You is important. You is beautiful.
You is loved.

By generations.

 

By all of us.

Love never dies.

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Love the Ones You’re With

Anything I would write about tonight seems silly and ridiculous. Well, it’s all-the-time silly and ridiculous (and grammatically quirky) but you know what I mean.

Anything that is, except this:

Go hug someone and tell them you love them.

Nobody close by? Pick up the phone. Shoot the email (who coined that term?). Send the letter. Drop a love bomb on their facebook page. Tweet it if that’s your thing. Just do something.

Tell a loved one how you feel. 

My brother would often call me when we were both on our morning commutes. For the record, I am not a morning star and the conversations weren’t stellar. But you know what? Now I cherish every one.

So let’s do it. Now. Because we can.

And then do it again tomorrow. And repeat.

“You never know what will be coming down.”

-Jackson Browne.

Good song.

  

 

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Seven Schtuffs Starting with ‘S’ Sunday

Scary Sick

I don’t ever want to forget this past Memorial Day weekend. Not because I had a ridiculously fun time, but because I was ridiculously sick. Scary sick. Yeah, I came down with a serious case of “I have an Eating Disorder” and just…enough. I’m motivated. I can’t let sparkles and butterflies distract me anymore.

Saturday’s Sunset

 

That crane’s not always there. LOl

Sad

June is a heavy month for me…I start feeling it in May. June 5th is my brother’s birth date and he’s …you know, and I’m…still here. This awareness is compounded by my June Birthday. Perfect timing to reflect on all my….sigh.. accomplishments. My Mom’s B-day is also in June and she’s sad too and it’s all…well, it’s sad.

But, like the fear I felt when I got sick, I’m using my sad as motivation. It’s what Greg would have done.

 

Sushi

Sing-a-long, “S is for Sushi…that’s good enough for me.”

Swimming

I went swimming for the first time in a while and it felt really good. Like yoga, swimming puts more of ME in myself and I want this summer to gain strength and energy to do the things I love.

(Old Pic)

Synergy

Two magic cards that turn into happiness! Thanks Y’all!

Um … sorry I am not having a give-a-way. I’m selfish. So. It’s my birthday month.

Superior Numeral

Seven is the superior numeral. Sorry Six. But relax. That whole thing about seven eating nine? Fiction. 

• I’m going back to my commitment of blogging everyday – every day except when I don’t want to. Yes, I’m a litter-bug. Sorry interwebs.

• If you wanna leave a comment I dare you to leave just ONE word, no explanation, that starts with S. I will have fun trying to glean what you want to convey.

 

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Nightmare Mom

I watched the show “My Mom is Obsessed” last Friday evening.

I should have known better. “Toddlers and Tiaras” once gave me nightmares. Amusing nightmares, yes, but nightmares nonetheless.

But this mom? She’s got them all beat.

*shudder*

Watch this if you can, but here’s the gist:

A 14-year-old girl’s mother gained weight after pregnancy and is fixated on controlling her daughter’s weight.  She’s terrified her daughter will also gain weight later in life and end up like her – miserable.  She makes her daughter step on the scale each morning, at one point ridiculing her over two pounds gained. She’s 14.

The mom finds a couple candy wrappers and a box of Gobstoppers in the girl’s room and FLIPS out. No. That doesn’t capture it. She went demonic. It was crazy. She ambushes her daughter, embarrasses her in front of her friend and grounds her. Yup.

She makes her daughter text her every.single.day before lunch to “go over the options” and constantly s-text-alks her about food. The bucket of crazy really tips when the daughter is “caught” at a pizza joint with friends. She wasn’t with boys or breaking curfew or anything….nope. It was the pizza that got her in trouble.

If what I wrote sounds horrid, believe you me: it’s worse. You have to see the whole episode. This mother is grappling with some deep-seated issues.

Here’s another clip that explains more:

At least they’re getting help. I do not want to say label this woman as “bad mother” or “bad person.” She is clearly under the grip of an obsession and those issues are effecting not only her, but her life and family. It’s sad, really. I believe she can change, though.

 

It’s remarkable to me that the daughter, though incredibly pained by all this, shows no evident absorption of her mother’s obsession. Home-girl seemed okay, strong.  (For now?) She wasn’t buying into it.

I wanted to reach into the TV and fist bump her for being awesome.

How parents raise their children in regards to food/eating is an issue I’m passionate about. I feel it needs to be addressed more and more but with extreme care. I believe a majority of women in the US have or have had food/weight “issues” and body image woes. Couple that with a rising childhood obesity rate which requires intervention. I smell disaster.

For my own experience, I know my Mom had/has no contributing part in how my eating disorder played out. I appreciate the way I was raised in regards to food. Because I wasn’t. I was just …raised. I don’t really recall thinking about food – it was less than a non-issue.

You might say my mom was relaxed about it.

Relaxed, but smart.

She was adamant we never be made to finish our plates. After spending many nights falling asleep at the table over her untouched liver, that is one thing she would just.not.have. We ate dinner as a family, she cooked  “traditional” meals (no liver, thank you Lord), we had some junk food in the house (nowhere near the amounts I see in some grocery carts), but we never ate the “sugary cereals” like Pops or Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  I didn’t want them anyway. I wasn’t used to them. I liked my Crispy Wheat & Raisins.

So my mom was cool. Me? Not so much.

I know she will forever continue to try and blame herself for my ED and figure out what she did wrong. She knows better, but I think it is ingrained in every mother’s psyche to constantly wonder “what did I do wrong?”

BY THE WAY MOM, STOP IT! (0;

• Do you think your mom impacted your relationship with food? Would you change anything? Did you see this show?

 

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My Funny Valentine

Warning: The following material contains lascivious discourse. Reader discretion advised.

Wanna hear a funny story? Well … it’s funny to me. Had me giggling quite a bit yesterday … I feel the need to document the event.

Yesterday evening my mother walked out of the office and quickly came back inside.

“Liss, come here for a sec,” she said in a hushed voice. “Come look at this.”

Usually this happens when there’s a nest of baby ducklings outside or a pretty flower. It was quitting time and I was in a “wrap things up” mood so I whined “What? Just tell me?”

“I think someone left a vibrator outside your window.”

** I’m offering a brief pause so you can let that settle**

I KNOW, right? (Hearing my Mom say “vibrator” only added to the confusion explosion in my brain.)

“Whaaa???”

“Come look!”  my mom giggled.

“Mom, I don’t wanna see THAT!”

We said goodbye and I finished up at work. As I left, I simply couldn’t resist taking a look to see what was what.

Ready for this?

   

   

Thoughts? Opinions?

Confident it was innocuous, I walked over for closer inspection.

Yup.

My Mom’s “vibrator” was none other than….

 

A broom handle.

I promptly walked back inside to place the alleged sex toy on her chair, where it would be there to greet her in the morning.

I giggled about it most of the night.

“My Mom sees dead people vibrators.”

Despite my pleas, she refused to pose with the *ahem* broom handle today.  So I did the obvious.

I photo bombed her. Then posted it on the internet. In true ridiculous fashion.

Seriously, between this Valentine’s Day and last Valentine’s Day….I’m not sure what to think anymore, Mom.

Remember this?

I feel dirty now. I’m going to wash my hands. Sorry for this atypical topic but heck…you get what you get when you come round these parts.

• So, what would you have thought upon first glimpse of this unidentifiable object lying in front of an office building?

*It must be said my mom has macular degeneration so her eyesight is not the best but…..I still think she has a dirty birdy mind.

PS- Mom, Go to Church!

 

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Just Do SOMEthing

My career (or lack thereof) made an appearance as the topic du jour between my father and I recently. Back on New Year’s Eve, I told him my goal was to have a “career plan” in place by June 30th. He remembered. He asked me what it was.

I told him “It’s a secret.”

Then I admitted to feeling incompetent, incapable and paralyzed. I admitted I have no idea what to do, much less what to do about it.

Stuck. Frozen. Paralyzed. “I’m lost.”

This is what he said to me:

“Do SOMETHING. Don’t do nothing. If you do nothing, it’s like going in reverse. You stop moving but the world keeps going, which is like going backwards.

Just do SOMEthing. It doesn’t have to be the right thing or the best thing. Just do SOMEthing. Don’t DO nothing.”

My Father is a wise man. He’s right.

I’ve touched on my career situation before, but it’s not a topic I like to discuss. Truth be told, it’s a chief source of sadness, shame, fear and disappointment.

It’s more fun to think about butterflies and sunshine. And food. But where has that gotten me?

I never imagined I’d wind up with anything less than a rewarding and successful career. The future was alive with possibilities. I felt I had SO MUCH to offer the world. I was full of ideas, passion and energy.

I’ve had amazing jobs and learned a lot. Downsizing happens. Tough job markets happen. They did. I got stuck in a stand-still.

My stagnation has led to degeneration. As the saying goes, use it or lose it. My motivation muscle has deteriorated. I’ve forgotten how to dream and achieve.

What happened to that girl?

I’m going in reverse, like my father said. I’m losing myself, disappearing. The longer I “do nothing” the worse it will get.

I’ve got to DO something.

I wasn’t lying when I said my plan was “a secret.”

I have faith. GOD knows my plan and the universe is prepared to let it unfold. I just have no idea what it is. It’s a secret.

God needs us to be team players (co-authors). I just need to get a ball rolling and I CAN get back in the game.

After all…once a rock star, always a rock star.

• What are your feelings about your career?
• Have you ever had to “start over and get back in the game” before? I think there are many areas in life where we could stagnate (relationships, health…etc).

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