Caterpillar Say What?

“Life is a Beautiful Struggle” – Talib Kweli 622153_468401796516735_598450509_o

This blog is for me to share, demystify, explore, understand, express and have fun.

It’s about, well…I haven’t really figured that out yet. *Hopefully* it will chronicle my triumphant emergence from the eating dis-order I’ve struggled with for over 20 years, a return to the girl I used to be, and the growth of my relationship with God.

Mostly, though, it’s just me. Unplugged.

It will have it’s share of butterflies, glitter, caterpillars, and complete and utter ridiculous-ness. Being silly helps me cope. Oh, and food! Plenty of that.

This is a PeanutButter-centric blog, but I don’t discriminate. Just don’t tell me if you’re not down with PB&J and no one gets hurt.

I love Advertising and Children’s Literature. You can see it in my blog. I like translating my experiences into stories that have some semblance of meaning I can take away after I close the “book.”

What kid wants to read a book without pictures? I illustrate my writing to move the story along, mostly using ridiculous photographs.

Plus, I like to look people in the eye when I talk to them. Get used to seeing my face if you decide to stick around and see how the story unfolds…..

*Hopefully* it will be the story of how I reclaimed my self, rebuilt my life, and recovered from an eating disorder.

But maybe it will just be the story of my beautiful struggle.

My name’s Missy, by the way. I’m in my 30′s, live in South Florida and my favorite color is sparkly.

I’d love to hear from you beautifulstruggle@hotmail.com

Help me figure out Twitter @CaterpillarMiss

40 Comments »

40 Responses

on June 14, 2010 at 8:45 pm | Reply dmcgirl37

Glad I found your blog

Dana <3
http://happinessiswithin.wordpress.com/
on August 9, 2010 at 7:28 pm | Reply kbwood

wow- u look so pretty in that pic!
I hope you soon realize that health is so much better. its the only way to live, its the ONLY way to do Gods plans for you girl. He needs to use you- you have to get healthy first.
on September 12, 2010 at 3:00 am | Reply Rose

Missy! I’m so glad you commented on my blog and that I found you looking forward to seeing more of your entries. Keep going forward. xoxo
on October 1, 2010 at 8:57 am | Reply Dorry

Hi Missy! I just replied to your comment on my blog but wanted to say hello and let you know how thankful I am you found my blog and that we’ve made this connection. Your blog is outstanding. Honest, witty and inspirational. I love your faith and look forward to following your journey. You are beautiful. Lots of love to you! ~Dorry
on October 7, 2010 at 3:00 pm | Reply Angela E. Gambrel Lackey

Hi! I just wanted to thank you for your incredibly kind comments on my blog and to encourage you to continue to believe in your recovery! I am so sorry about your brother; I’m sure he is looking down upon you and wants you to get better.

*Hugs*

Angela
on October 7, 2010 at 7:26 pm | Reply lindsay

Its all in God’s hands. What a beautiful picture, thanks for sharing your story and your faith!
on October 7, 2010 at 7:36 pm | Reply britchickruns

You will recover – you’re strong and beautiful (inside and out!), especially cos you like peanut butter and pickles. That is AWESOME!
on October 8, 2010 at 10:22 pm | Reply Danielle

You will recovery, I can just see it. I’m so glad I found your blog! I never knew you even had one.
on December 3, 2010 at 4:14 am | Reply Richard

Missy,
I stumbled upon your blog tonight. My heart goes out to you. I have a daughter that has also had a eating disorder. Might I ask, are you a follower of Christ?
I will pray for you.
God bless you!
Richard
on December 30, 2010 at 5:59 pm | Reply Mama Pea

Thank you for your sweet, sweet comment on my blog today. It really touched me, so of course I had to come see who the precious person who wrote it is.

I ache when I read your blog. I see you wanting recovery so badly! There is so much life out there for you to live, away from all of this. I am so grateful that you have so many people helping you through…friends, family, your readers, ME, and a God that loves you!

I will be praying for you! Please let me know if there is anything else I can do and feel free to email me.

Much love to you!
- on January 2, 2011 at 5:22 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Wow. *blushing*
  I feel like I just got an email from a celebrity! LOL….not really I just love your blog so much.
  Knowing that I have people like you who have never met me caring about me is so overwhelming.
  Isn’t this blogging stuff weird?
  
  ~Missy
on January 1, 2011 at 6:45 am | Reply recoveringanorexic

Thank you for your comment in my blog. I look forward to reading more of your blog after I leave this comment.
on January 3, 2011 at 2:44 am | Reply Kristina @ Life as Kristina

1)i’m so glad I found your blog & am looking forward to following your journey of success
2)you are gorg!
3) Happy new year!
on January 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm | Reply Beth @ To the Fullest

Thanks for commenting on my blog, and for leading me to yours. I LOVE The Hungry Caterpillar by the way. And I’m so proud of you for starting this blog and being so honest about where you are and where you’re going. You can do it! You ARE doing it!!
- on January 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Thanks Beth. Eric Carle’s pretty awesome.
  I love Children’s Literature….and butterflys. And lots of other stuff, too.
  
  That’s why I like to “illustrate” my posts with the ridiculous photos.
  Not because as one person put it “I am creepy, disgusting and addicted to be sick. (0:
  Aw, the comments people leave.
  I’m so glad I found your blog today!
on January 20, 2011 at 5:00 am | Reply Hayley

Your blog title is perfect! It gave me butterflies haha Thanks for stopping by mine and for your sweet comment!
on March 16, 2011 at 1:40 am | Reply Emma

I just found your blog and I really love it. I cannot wait to read more and I hope that your journey forward stays postive.
Sending love-
Emma
- on March 17, 2011 at 7:26 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Thanks!
on March 24, 2011 at 4:20 am | Reply Richard

Thanks Missy! I’m praying for you!
God bless you!
on April 8, 2011 at 12:11 am | Reply Alexandra

Girl I am so glad I found your blog! I can REALLY relate with your story. I’m currently in recovery from an ED as well. Life just wasn’t life during that struggle, it feels so amazing to break free, like a butterfly! I look forward to reading more and keep up the awesome work in your recovery!! You CAN beat this.

God bless,
Alexandra
on June 1, 2011 at 12:00 am | Reply Kath (My Funny Little Life)

I love the little caterpillar book. That was my favorite book as a child.
on June 6, 2011 at 2:12 am | Reply Scarlett

Missy…it’s Scarlett, formerly of CatherineOfSiena.wordpress. I’ve made a new blog as part of a possibly lame attempt at recovery–trying to get myself focusing on things other than the ED, because there is SO MUCH MORE to my life than that. Happy to see you’re still blogging and will def be following you again. keep fighting. <3
- on June 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  What’s your new blog?
  - on June 8, 2011 at 4:42 am | Reply Scarlett
    
    it’s lifeismycatwalk.wordpress.com…not sure why it’s not linking when i post. hmmm…
on November 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm | Reply Tormencha

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/08/human-factor-a-goal-is-a-direction-not-an-end/?hpt=hp_bn10

Hey fort girl….click the above link & breathe!
- on November 15, 2012 at 9:23 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  OH my goodness. This: “We build up a huge lie in our minds of how improbable or even impossible reaching our goals will be.”
on April 22, 2012 at 11:03 pm | Reply Amber Marie

im glad you are here
on April 22, 2012 at 11:04 pm | Reply Amber Marie

im glad you are here
on October 17, 2012 at 8:46 pm | Reply kelsey @ somuchlifetolive

I’m glad I found your blog! This is a beautiful space:)
- on November 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Thank you!
on October 17, 2012 at 8:46 pm | Reply kelsey @ somuchlifetolive

I’m so glad I found this blog! This is a beautiful space:)
on November 7, 2012 at 7:55 am | Reply Prince

You can do it!!!! I’m struggling myself after 12 years of this hell, but you can do it. You’re strong!
- on November 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Thanks so much for the encouragement. I need all I can get.
  - on November 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm | Reply Prince
    
    No no I understand! I’ve went through my diseases my entire life all by myself. I won’t let anyone deal with things like this alone.
on November 16, 2012 at 7:28 am | Reply Sue

Hi! My name is Sue, and I’m from SlimKicker, a fitness/diet app and online website. I came across your blog yesterday and it captured my interest!

I’m contacting you b/c we’re about to release a fitness tracker (similar to FitBit) early next year, and are looking for bloggers who would be interested in getting 1 for free to review when it is out (negative or positive).

Would you be interested in doing this? You can email me at: sue (at) slimkicker (com) with ‘Review’ in the email heading if you are.

A brief explanation of who we are, our online website SlimKicker basically turns your fitness/diet goals into a fun level-up game. The tracker will work in conjunction the website, and allow people to track calories burned and number of steps they walk automatically. The more they exercise, the more points they rack up! That’s basically how it will work.

Anyway, hope to hear back either way…

- Sue
P.S. You can choose not to publish this comment as this is more of a private comment
on November 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm | Reply kaityscooking

hey just found your blog and look forward to reading more! glad your into recovery i too am slowly but surely getting there! btw your so pretty in your pics!
on November 30, 2012 at 6:10 pm | Reply eatingasapathtoyoga

Glad we connected! I’m a “God” person too, and my relationship with Him is the next step in my recovery process. I teach 3rd grade!
- on November 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Now I am convinced I found another role model (I love teachers and aim to be one someday)
on March 22, 2013 at 11:51 pm | Reply agrace12

I’m so sorry you are in this place ( your MIApost). It would not let me post there. I can tell how much you are hurting physically and mentally. A BMI of 17.9 is very low on an adult woman. Are you trying to reach a medically diagnosable criteria? The rules have changed, so yes you are still anorexic, sick and need help. Is that what you need? Weight is irrelevant. What triggers the behaviors is the core issue whether starving, binging, purging,
Etc. one if the best things I learned in the hospital was we all had similar stories but felt the same way. I was not alone. You are not alone. Things will get better if you fight for it. Your purpose is far greater than the ED. God wants so much more.
- on March 26, 2013 at 6:19 pm | Reply missymiller
  
  Hello!
  
  I think you may have misunderstood — I am not really obsessed with being diagnosis or whatever – its just that FOR ONCE my weight is higher and though many would feel that is cause for celebration or some sort of milestone in recovery; sadly it is neither because the weight has been gained due to ED behaviors.
  
  Thanks so much for the encouragement and the reminder — I SO often fall into the enemy’s spell and it says I am all alone..etc.
  I