I’ve been sad. STUPID sad.
Sad might not be the word, actually.
I’ve been all….
And like…
And like…
In summary: snakes on a plane messy.
I can’t seem to bring myself around.
And I ALWAYS bring myself around.
It’s scaring me.
So today I woke up with a mission.
I chose to wake up on the sparkly side of the bed.
Because sparkly.
And suddenly….
I feel…able.
I’m not going to just lay down and take this ish.
Not anymore at least.
Oh! Look! Zoe’s on the sparkly side of the bed, too.
(Sorry – it’s so rare I get her in pictures..she runs when the camera is out, which is why she’s headed under my bed).
Anyways.
Things are looking up. I said so.
And when I got to work my Mom came in singing some song like:
“It’s a happy day and I’ve got something that will make you hap-hap-happ-yyy”
And showed me this:
Then she told me there was fresh mahi and lobster tails waiting for me in the fridge.
Winning.
I’m telling y’all, the secret to happiness starts with sparkly.
Keep Dreaming.
PS- Most images above are from Hyperbole and A Half. If you don’t read Hyperbole and a Half, then you’re doing life wrong.
please tell me you know this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRoe3iExVjU
Oh, Holeesh I love you.
There. I said it.
No. You know what?
This is worthy:
Holy shit I fucking love you. <———–You like?
Agape love sistah.
I know..funny I’m so into gospel as an agnostic but yeah. Awesome song. Feel the passion. I wish I could believe in something.
Just was checking out hyperbole and a half…awesome! Thanks for linking it.
Sads–so much empathy. I had a 2 day blip, but trying to get back on the wagon.
The gospel was such a surprise…though it makes total sense.
I need to emauil you ….
Not just that you woke up sparkly (you look FAB, by the way — so cute!), but you DECIDED that today was going to be full of sparkles and awesome. Keep up that great attitude and the days will only get better.
And yes, fellow readers, you need to read Hyperbole and a Half.
Oh yes, DECIDED.
Funny how the energy to be able to do that was lacking…
Until I broke myself open.
And I had to decide today like 108o million times to the twelveteenth power.
Aww, you look wonderful and I hear you on sparkles! The glitter, for me, is a bit like Christmas.
It will not change the world but certainly make it a better place to live.
And who cares if it’s not chic.
If it’s too much.
If I’m thirty-six and I should start to behaving like a grown up woman. But those that do – are boring and sad.
And this, I hope the image does show, if it’s not – damn:
I am now going to have to pester you about this. LOL.
So…what your saying is…LOL.
Hey, sparkly and sequins is getting a break now…I will relish, And yet ..you know it’s all about the woman, OWNING the clothing and not the clothing owning us.
I’m pretty sure that some of us can carry sparkly off all the time if it fits the personality.
I am really sorry to hear of the sads.. GLAD to hear you are kicking back! Not surprised though – I know you will never go out without one heck of a fight.
Hyperbole and a Half is awesome but they need to get back on our internets STAT!
I have to disagree with Greta here, and say that sparkles are like smiles. We might not realise that they do change the world – but they do, just a little bit, but that can add up to a lot. You know, when just smiling at some stranger changes their day for the better? I think sparkles can do that too
Hope you feel better soon xx
Smiles and sparkles….I GET it. You hear me girl….
I always give so much love to strangers and sometimes I give it to myself despite it all.
Choosing to not take it anymore ish is the hardest thing! So well done for doing it
Truth!
Acting as if…just getting up.
Walking the walk.
I’m trying.
You’re the bomb. I love that you told your poopy mood to get the eff out and sparkled your way to work!! $1.99 asparagus!?! SCORE!
I bought three lbs. And yes, I thought “AW HAIL NAH” I cannot let food addiction kill more than it already has.
Sparkly love <3
The first time I read Hyperbole and a Half, I laughed so so hard! And I keep laughing each time I reread it!
I’m glad you like them too.
Sparkles are awesome – I own a lot of sparkly things.
I want to be that woman’s best friend. Maybe her awesomeness would rub of on me.
My first one was the one with her dogs and moving.
Oh my gosh, that one is soo funny!
I keep seeing fun sparkle nail polish and headbands. I am boring but was thinking of wearing them. Kind of fun.
I am sorry you are feeling sad. Can you identify why or it is hard to know?
I agree that you need to walk the walk and not just talk about what you need or should be doing. I am concerned and really question that you are doing what you need to. I am sorry if that is mean. I hope today you do all you can to be in recovery and don’t try to negotiate or do things partly. I know things in time can get better for you if you give it a chance.
Yeah for lobster tails. I have never made them at home but at a nice restaurant it is one of my favorites.
Happy Valentines and wishing you better times ahead!
Get the sparkles!!! Do it!!!
If I were to identify “what” it is that is making me sad it would be..everything. lol. Yeah, that pretty much captures it.
Just me..or moreso my life and behaviors.
Pathetic.
So yeah..you are spot on, I am in NO way (now, this past 2013 so far) doing ANYTHING like what I need to do. At all.
The weight gain has been ill- gotten….and ill-received.
There has been binge eating episodes and purging ….
And the weight gain has gotten to a point where I am becoming paralyzed (again).
I am fighting though. Yes, and negotiating. Always.
I am not doing the best I can.
Ever since your comment re: being more open on the blog as a form of help…I have been considering writing the occasional password protected entries — I think it is a good idea.
Zoe has no place to hide, you stuffed her hiding place! (is there anyone on this planet that doesnt use the space underneath their beds for storing crap?)
Hope you feel better soon. Keep your head up. Shine, sparkle. On the outside, but moreso, on the inside. I know better to judge a book by its cover, but I really wish you would feel as shiny and sparkly and gorgeous as that cover(up?) smile of yours
That blanket on the right next to the bin (where in I keep my crayons, glitter, markers..etc) is her 3rd bed. Every few days I fold it, so she can rebuild it into her perfect knackle again.
I know better to judge a book by its cover,<—— Zoe…
I feel like you and I have some weird connection — me to you basically because your words are ALWAYS killers. They just peirce me. I don't know how you pick up on things.
Yes, whenever I’m down I try to remind myself that I can choose happiness! And I make a conscious decision to do so and as you siad SPARKLE. And um mahi and asparagus are enough to make my day sparkle. I’ve been loving asparagus lately. I’ve eaten it daily the last week!
You can choose happiness…and failing that you can choose to TRY …lol….which is what I settle for sometimes. I have eaten asparagus daily for like 5 years pretty much….so when the prices crept up recently I was not happy. But 1.99 down from 5.99?
That was like a celebration moment for me.
I love this and the concept of the sparkly side of the bed! I love Hyperbole and a Half too. Very entertaining post!
Missy I am sorry you are struggling but I am proud of you that you are being more honest. Also that you are opening up more. Remember how I said that to recover you have to do things and think in a very different way. When I was in recovery I had to do everything I did not want to and basically the opposite of what I was used to. I understand how hard weight gain and like you had a large amount to gain so it was a huge change. During the process I had so many fears,anxiety,and tears. At times I thought I lost my mind from everything. I had very little support though in the past I had been ip but when I finally chose to recover I had lost all of my support. It was so hard but over time it got easier and my mind became clearer. I saw that even though my life had a lot of hard times I did not need an ed to cope or not with it. I had to face the hard times,feelings, and issues to make things better. That is for you too.
Missy you are not pathetic but are very sick. You have to accept the weight gain and get to a healthy weight. Using other ways to destruct such as bulimia or what ever is just another way of not coping. I know in your heart you know this but have to find it within to change your ways.
For me in recovery things mentally felt worse before they got better. I just had to hold to hope. I am not religious at all and I think it is nice that you are others are but what recovery did teach me is that I had to keep to hope but find it with in to use that hope to get healthy.
Sorry if I go on to much. I just feel for you and you break my heart to see how much you are struggling. Some people don’t make an impact on me but for some reason you do. You seem very kind and smart but the ed is destroying you. I asked you before but what about inpatient?
I think you should do the posting with the password. I am confused though on how people like me would be able to read it. Do I email you for the password? Sorry if I am clueless I am new to the blogs.
Take care and ask yourself what today you can do for recovery and try to take it day by day.
I can’t believe that I have never commented on this before, on my dashboard my comment must have not gotten through (I write them there).
But I come back today to re-read this post. I have read it three or four times…
I feel like if I can just absorb what you are saying at this crucial crucial point I may just be able to get through this wall (one that has always left me on my azz). I do feel worse and I am using maladaptive coping behaviors…
Anyways this line has been stuck in my head since I first read it and I think it to myself at my worst moments.
“Missy you are not pathetic but are very sick.”
It helps me to find myself again… to recognize myself as SICK. Thanks sososososososososososo much.
You’ll know how to get the password if I ever do the protected ones BTW.
And,.. there are multiple “real world” reasons I could cite for no inpatient but my honest answer (and I say this to anyone) is always this:
I’m not willing.
Awful, but true. At least I am able to call myself out on that. My T says that the only thing that will change that is when the pain gets to be too much and dayby day I am recognizing more and more what that means.
Recovery is hard and often sucks. And sometimes it just makes you feel tired. Ah well …
I’m happy you’ve found the spark again. I can see it!
I’m a fervent believer in sparkle. It cures blueness.
[...] but because one of the amazing person and bloggers Missy. She is unique. And last week she had a post on sequins, which inspired me a [...]
I like to sparkle too! And I was a little blue this week too! Must be in the water…
and now I am craving asparagus!
Get you some asparagus girl! You can come over and share. (0L: