So much of our lives are spent trying to fix.
We try and fix ourselves, our family, our bodies, our socio-economic positions or our social status….our eating disorders, our own way.
We try and fix our sadness, our boredom, our loneliness, or our weakness…
We try and fix our frailty, our discomfort…
Anytime we feel emptiness or lacking…
we think we need a fix.
When we try to fix ourselves, we look for it in all the wrong places. We find things that help us escape, not solve.
We get our fix from shopping, from drugs, from the next relationship, from the cigarette, the sedative, the bag of chips, the glass of wine, the promotion at work, the laxative, the gym, the number on the scale, the next drama we create to escape boredom……
We need to stop trying to “fix” ourselves…
and fix our eyes on God.
When we fix our eyes on God, we are blessed not only by His presence and Love, but by his Guidance. He is mighty to change.
Our Obedience is our Freedom.
Don’t have a relationship with God?
Fix your eyes on Love, Peace, Security, Comfort…what is good and what is right.
Fix your eyes on Absolute Impenetrable TRUTH.
Fix your eyes on G.O.D.
Good Orderly Direction.
We all know what is right. Obedience follows. Straighten up and “act like you got some sense”. Don’t be foolish, you grown now.
It’s kind of hard to fix your eyes on Truth and simultaneously shove potato chips and ice cream down your throat thinking it will fix anything at all.
It’s harder to fix your eyes on God and stick your finger down your throat or spend 5 minutes debating over the number of calories in a grape.
It’s sobering to sit there with your third glass of wine thinking it will help you feel better about your lackluster job or feel any less bored or lonely tomorrow.
You know what I mean?
God burned this one into my heart this week and I wanted to share it with you. It’s simple, it’s not easy. It’s not the most fun way to deal – especially when we’re used to taking a more active approach and chasing the next easy fix.
Instead, we chase the next right thing.
We do less of what we want and more of what is right.
We are blessed when we do so, despite the temporary discomfort.
It’s my beautiful struggle right now – but if all I can do is just fix my eyes on Him and cry I know I am doing the one thing I need to do.
I have a plan. I have a goal. I am scared. But I am in good hands.
The word “our” is like really weird for me right now.
Please know I am here every step of the way for you and understand so much. I feel very torn just now with what to do but knowing other people are out there too lets me know I’m not alone. Thank you for this post you aren’t alone either missy you have me xxx
And me too!
I think when we keep our eyes fixed on Truth (God. Whatever you feel) then we can’t escape the fact that oh yes we DO know exactly what to do or at least what not to do…etc. It’s just the follow through that is sooooooooooooo hard.
Amen. So true. It is just so very hard to break away and just -be- without the need to fix in some form…
Yup. But we gotsta RECKNIZE that we can’t freaking out run or hide from our shiz — best way out is through. Just sit it out
You are indeed in good hands and I feel such gratitude to ALL energies that you know this.
As I said when we spoke; I have been inspired by you and am going to attempt to continue in this vein. I value and appreciate you SO much (you really probably, don’t quite realize the greatness; the depth of how, much this truly is.) YOU – just KEEP being you. THIS in it of itself is inspiring.
THIS ; “When we try to fix ourselves, we look for it in all the wrong places. We find things that help us escape, not solve.”
Thank you for your thoughts; insight and personal wisdom that you are so willing to share.
P.S. : I’d so get in the space to cuddle up on a couch to just “talk it out” and then what happens does. Thank YOU for being so open and willing.
I really can’t be anything else but me.
Tracey Jordon “I’m like a Chameleon”
Always a lizard.
Holy throwback post:
http://missymiller.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/karma-chameleon/
PS- “and then what happens does” <—sounds so …dirty!
keeping this starred! I need these words. so powerful. fix those eyes above!
I got a star! (Gosh I should have so many of your posts starred — but I’m not sure I even need to they STICK with me hardcore.) I still think about your “captivated” post like AGES ago. With the picture of the pond. LOL. So you even remember that? Are you even reading this? idk. I want a big-kid blog where the replies go to the inbox.
Beautiful one. Am so proud of you. Huge hugs. I am here with you as well. We can do this through God’s loving embrace <3
I think you may be the only one to have caught the subtle subtext of the fact that I had signed on to a plan in terms of EatDisO recovery. That kind of amazes me.
I too am here for you and proud of you. Thankful to have ‘met’ you, grateful for the messages you have shared and the smiles your words have sparked.
This is a message I need to heed myself, too. Earlier today, I read your message on my blog and felt comfort in a time of intense self-hatred and shame.
“I am a child of God” – thank you and bless you for that, Missy.
Now I read your post here and words like “TRUST” and ‘tolerance’ and ‘Stop running from ME and rest, child’ are flitting through my mind – and I am listening.
Thank you for your message, precious Missy
This gives me goosebumps —>”‘Stop running from ME and rest, child’” especially from what you shared and …I just have SO heavy in my heart that nudge telling me that you need to draw sosososososososo close to Him right now especially in terms of discovering (acknowledging) WHO you are and to WHOM you belong and …it’s beautiful! We are not our pasts.
I know exactly what it is to turn from God in shame and self-involvement/disgust and that …THAT… is evil, the devil in our lives. That is how it operates.
It took me a long time to grasp the concept of devil/evil as –I just can’t be down with a “personified” or embodied little monster you know?
It’s just a force.
Yes I agree, it’s a force – and like with God, we can try and run and hide, but you can’t. It’s all around us. When it gets to us, it’s cause we let it in. And we let it in by pushing God away. I think also it’s harder to let God in when we are ashamed and disgusted at ourselves because it’s hard to look at ourselves, I don’t mean in a mirror, I mean, not turn our faces from ourselves. But God is IN all of us and it means we turn our faces from Him too and shut Him out.. does that even make sense? Sorry lol.
I love and appreciate that you make me start reaching out to my spiritual side again and listening. When I stop and let Him in, I feel so much gentleness and peacefulness, a sense of ‘it’s okay’ that I can’t put in words, but that feeling is how I always knew He was good and He was out there even when I was too jaded to accept He was God.
You are right, I do need to turn so much to Him, to just stop and let Him in. Stop trying so hard, and just… I don’t have the words really. But yes, draw so very, very close.
I don’t think this comment makes much sense, but just know your words here and on my own blog have given me so much comfort – thank you and bless you, Missy xx
it’s harder to let God in when we are ashamed and disgusted at ourselves because it’s hard to look at ourselves, I don’t mean in a mirror, I mean, not turn our faces from ourselves. <—-THIS.
Gosh that spoke to my soul. I get that. I DO that. When I am so uncomfortable with what I am experiencing …sitting and kneeling and breathing in my skin and trying to connect is a daunting task. Yet – So necessarty when I finally do just sit there and deal…my body feels better my mind feels better and I am calm enough to listen.
Your comment makes OH so much sense to me Fiona.
What will you do to draw closer?
I am actually doing a few reading plans through http://www.youverse.com
and http://www.shereadstruth.com.
The word is a great place to start.
I also keep a beautiful gifts journal to record moments of God's gifts as they are passed down. Like seeing a child skip in the street, crying, raindrops, the wind through the trees.
I’m so glad that it makes sense to you. Sometimes I get scared to say this stuff because it’s so deeply personal, and I might be crazy or something haha. It’s very validating to know that others find that it resonates for them too. I feel ‘dumb’ when it comes to Jesus because.. I just do. So much to learn and discover. I guess we ARE all infants for Him, right?
To be honest, I don’t really know where to start – I’m so glad you put these links up, I was using another bible app, but slacked off. Shereads in particular sounds very interesting. When I connect, it’s not something I’ve thought out, it just happens. You are right – the word is always the place to start and to come back to, like a grounding point.
I love that you keep a gratitude journal, I have to start doing that again too. I love, am overwhelmed by, and feel humbled by this world, by all those things you mention, the little things that are themselves such precious moments.When I feel happiest it’s when I’m sitting under a tree or on grass or seeing a child laughing or something so very simple like that, and it’s then that I tend to relax and let go of all the walls I’ve put up to shut out the world, and then that I finally am able to listen and to HEAR Him because the chatter in my mind that tends to block him out falls away..
I am verty curious about this —->
“I feel ‘dumb’ when it comes to Jesus because.. I just do”
Do you mean — like you are a “baby Christian” as I fondly call it. Like new to Christ? Just remember not to copmpare yourself to other people who have like read the entire old testament (<–!Not I said the fly) and were raised in the church and stuff?
Well don't because it is a RELATIONSHIP. Yes, fellowship is important but not as important as YOUR relationship with God.
So start setting aside the time to consciously try and connect – Take that time.
The journal helps sosososo much, too. It is a joy. It helps me to recall all the beauty I see in life and the beauty that I am a part of.
You see? Don't feel weird about talking about this stuff with me! I can get pretty far out.
I don't do it too much on my blog – like the same with my EdisO details – but maybe I should.
I do find it hard to explain! And am always scared that nobody will understand. You are right in that yes, part of it is because growing up the closest I ever got to God was a couple – like count on one hand – church services/sunday schools that I barely even remember. Nothing at home, I don’t think we ever even actually owned a bible. I did get a little Gideons Bible in year 8, which I still have, and I began reading passages of it at random for comfort but with no understanding of what I read. I still have that little Bible, too. I always felt strongly deep down that something was out there – but it took until recent years for me to absolutely know that He is God. There were times I wouldn’t even consider Him because I was so sure if He did exist He must be so very angry at me or I must have been condemned or something! I know now He’s not like that, He’s loving, not angry and harsh.
and it does help, in so many ways. Thank YOU for getting me off my butt and back to Him again. He works in mysterious ways doesn’t he? I would love if you talked more about Him on your blog, I have a feeling a lot of your readers wouldn’t mind at all 
With my relationship with Him I feel like a baby too in that I do feel often I struggle to connect, and do often try to hide from Him in disgust at myself. I still have SO MUCH to learn when it comes to not just reading the Word but UNDERSTANDING it. There are parts I’ve read over and over and still have a very basic to no understanding at all.
I love the Message Bibles, I read the New Testament first that way before I ever had a computer to find all the versions on the net (thinking of that meme all the things…. all the Bibles! haha) they make things a lot easier to understand.
I’m still forever terrified I’m ‘doing it wrong!!’. That I’ll anger Him somehow, offend Him.
My weekend commitment is going to be to re-start my gratitude journal. Because I doubt God would find really taking in and appreciating this beautiful, amazing world of His offensive, ever
Thinking of you <3
Yes yes yes. You’re right, it a simple concept but hard to follow.. But 100% worth it!
This really spoke to me, Missy. Thank you. <3
It's so hard for me too to not instantly reach after a (what seems to be) quick fix when I feel discomfort. Though these days I mostly just avoid/procrastinate (mostly by watching or reading something) when I don't feel like dealing with things that need to be dealt with – instead of resorting to physically self-destructive activities. Though one could definitely argue that procrastination and avoidance is a form of self-sabotage.
Hope you are OK. xxx
Gosh. You get it see! Even in the escaping of tv, reading and etc…that is our “fix” and well there is certainly no real harm in it — it “fixes” nothing and just prolongs the situation.
whatever boat we are in we are in it together — come find me so we can find the freaking life boat and jump ship!
Ahhh missy
You are in good hands indeed.
Last week (I think maybe 2 weeks ago) I saw a quote and never have I jumped to etsy and bought something so fast! It’s by Ralph Waldo Emerson “every saint has a past and every sinner has a future…” I felt HOPE from it!
You were on Pinterest weren’t you? LOL.
Love that quote though. It’s been in my mind (on my mind) since I read your comment (I’m lazy and don’t respond in real time).
miss missy, love this post.
your package is in the mail today.
xoxo
What? You have a blog and a website? where have I been?
and thanks for the package and the advice re: pro-bees. I wonder what it is!
[...] of God, in battling these insidious feelings of total discomfort in my skin and the thoughts of “fixing it”…which means losing weight. Even though in my mind it doesn’t sound like that. This is not about [...]