Stuffs I See and Saw. Shown and Told.
Because.
7am on my day off. so much for sleeping in. #apartmentliving
Craving for large, icy fountain-pour of Diet Dew=satisfied. (Had to be fountain.)
Work. Tax Season.
Passenger seat. Jesus is my co-pilot.
Where the magic happens.
Therapy.
Breaking child-labor laws.
Just kidding. He loves the shredder.
Money can’t buy happiness. It can buy happy things.
Food Journal.
A ladybug landed on my cheek and I was .0078534 of a second away from capturing it on camera when she moved on. I decided to point to where she was instead.
Because.
love it. my new addiction is the diet cherry limeade at sonic. 1/2 price from 2-5. how can you not?!n love the Bible verse!
I like your show and tell.
And that the ladybug came to give you a kiss.
Love that Bible verse on your food journal. So perfect. Also love the name of your therapy place.
I miss you!
But seriously, though, paper shredding is AMAZING. If I don’t get a job this spring, I’m definitely hitchhiking to Florida to steal that kid’s job.
(by the way, heyyyy Missy, I’m back, and I missed you!)
Ahwwwww, lovely photos and captions! Makes me feel all fluffy!
It’s nice to see you smiling so much in those photos.
I thought my dad was the only human alive who drank diet dew. And he drinks enough to keep them making it too. I heard of (and had) worse cravings. No biggie.
You’re enchantingly adorable. I wish it were hot enough to enjoy a nice cold Diet Dew, it looks tasty!
Missy! There’s an internet disruption in my neighborhood, so I’m posting from the mobile because I had typed my original comment just before the internet service went poof! it said something like this:
What is it about fountain drinks?! Delicious. More crisp. More cool.
But I don’t allow myself to enjoy them, nor do I drink carbonated beverages anymore as a result of my fountain drink mistrust which tainted an entire industry for me! Wait, I do drink diet ginger ale from the bottle or can, from time to time.
I know you’ve thought of this, but what if the sleepy eyed convenience clerk accidentally fills the diet dispenser with regular syrup? I’d never know the difference. Would you?
Now that I think of it, what if the factory worker who bottles my Diet Ginger Ale wants to take vengeance on skinny girls everywhere, filling the diet bottles with regular? (This is how my mind thinks).
And is it really THAT important? No. Not whatsoever. But to those in this forum, I know it will mean something, so I had to say it. Sorry. :/
(please excuse any grammatical errors – my spell check is shut to off because it auto corrects my queen’s english spellings, and i simply cannot have Z’s where they should be S’s).
Have a nice day.
Missy, I am sick of the pussyfooting. Get off the Internet and to an IP unit, start Maudsley to treat your ED or eat to heal your body.
Pussyfooting. I think of two cats doing an awesome synchronized dance. (I know what the term means though.) You definitely didn’t hold back and I think that the approach you’ve taken is….callous.
Trust me. I have thought and still DO have those thoughts …. Fountain sodas are sort-of complicated events for me and I get a wee bit nervous….but I have gotten over a lot of my sh*t and Im proud to say I enjoy my fountain bevs (cautiously, yes, but I’m still a freakin’ rock star.) So yes, readers and friends, there is always more to the surface going on with this girl right hurrr.
But dude….what if me or one of my readers have actually never thought about that before? You might have planted a dangerous little bug and given them a whole new “behavior” you…you…trigger puller! LOL
I’m kidding.
You and your Queen’s English and me and my invent-a-word whitegirlbonics. LOL. I am also fluent in Kindergarten and peanut butter spoken word.
where did that come from?
im not trying to be all defensive (im not offended nor do i feel you intended to offend me) just curious.
ps- do you think Maudsley is for 33 year olds?
you are a mystery wrapped in a conundrum now aren’t you!
i found the use of pussyfooting endearing sort of.
Me too…on all of that!
The bible verse…oh em gee. The amount of time we obsess (even in the slow droning background mental white noise of our every waking second) is so very SAD. And clothes too..not like “the best and latest” but I obsess over what I am wearing in that it has to fit and feel just right (I also like to match my underwears to my colors but that’s part of my hunger driven OCD).
Lets just say lent has been kind of day after day of FAIL…BUT there is no right or wrong in lent for me, only reflection.
I glued it on my journal as a reminder.
I particularly am fond of the brominated vegetable oil.
heehee the photo colors must have been KILLING you…lol.
I adjusted my screen settings. Sometimes I have to calibrate and re-calibrate but that isn’t just for your site.
(What crappy photo editor are you using?)
hahaha! images of cute little fluffy kitties is exactly what conjured in my mind, too!!! (i think it was a childhood book by the same name?) so missy, continue pussyfooting because it’s damn cute.
i’m triggering.
and you’re pussyfooting.
get the hell off of my internets!
xoxoxo
hilarious. (0:
I was just cahotting around with the tools they have in Livewriter. I have a “be funky” photo editor on my google chrome, but that takes to long. I normally don’t edit photos on my blog.
Oh Whole Foods! It’s still my favorite store, even though it’s ridiculously expensive. But I always end up buying “happy things” there so it’s definitely worth it!
I fear these things too, all the time. i’ve been served the non-diet (and on purpose!) and I’ve bought goods that were labelled incorrectly and didn’t find the error until I’d eaten a LOT of it. For eg, noodles from china that were labelled in KJ instead of calories and even though I thought it was suss, they should have 4.2 times more energy in them for a carb food (see – I knew. exactly 4.2. Duh) I decided it must be because they were made from mung beans and they were my ‘safe’ carb for months and months – I ate them every day and they were the mainstay of my diet. Then the company repackaged and corrected their error. I freaked out!
There was a good lesson to this though. I had eaten more than 4 times as much as I’d thought I was for months and i did not gain weight. The sky did not fall. The world didn’t end. I was OKAY.
Unless we have a raging allergy to something, we aren’t going to die if we have the wrong thing – our ED will curl up and die! I accidently poured 3 sugars into my coffee on Friday instead of three sweeteners too, as they looked the same.. and I drank it anyway. And I’m here to tell you I haven’t got two heads and I haven’t gained 100kgs from it (or even 100grams) despite my fear
I WISH we had diet mountain dew!! I wish they made diet Sarsparilla!! x
And yeah, you guys. I’m soo triggered. I’ma gonna go smash all my diet drinks up.
i thought maudsley was done in the home, not clinics? And for mostly much younger people (poor old us) who are still very dependant. Do you have maudsley clinics over there for adults then?
And I wish it was as easy as just go to an IP unit. You have to wait, and wait, and wait, and justify why you need to be there, and wait and wait and wait some more, then do battle with your insurance, then wait and wait and wait…
Hi there pretty lady! Hope the new month will bring some new motivation to kick some butt hun! (Not litterally though, thou shalt be kind to thy behind!) &thanks for teaching me a new word.. Pussyfooting? Me likey!
I’ve often been afraid of this mistake behind the scenes with fountain drinks BUT working in a restaurant has quelled my fears of this slightly. It is very important not to put the wrong nozzle into the diet/non diet drink section because of potential diabetics using the fountain drink machine. No, they could care less if random girl with an ED will gain an ounce from drinking a 32 oz regular coke. But none the less, I highly doubt you will get regular pop from a machine labeled diet.
@ Fiona, I know! I can’t even believe that I ate so much in Mustard without looking like a cow. It just goes to show that our neurosis is absolutely overdone. I don’t think they’d sell noodles from China here without FDA approval, so at least I won’t be encountering that issue anytime soon. Plus, I don’t eat noodles.
@Rachel, This is excellent experiential feedback, and I thank you for it; and I feel like I can now order from a soft drink station, so long as I’m doing the pouring. But I’ll still never trust the “waitress” to do it correctly. But I’ll definitely trust her on the gin martini. Go figure.
I like how you have that inspirational quote about how food is really nothing more than fuel on, well, your “food journal.” Ironic.
for me, the “inspirational quote” or Bible verse is God’s reassurance and directions to stop obsessing about food…which is the heart of an ED. I am keeping a food journal and that is very stressful for me but it is part of my therapy… seeing God’s words when I go to log my food is a timely thing because when I am writing what I ate or am about to eat that — that’s usually when I’m obsessing.
Plus I have to see that thing many times all day.
Plus…I just wanted to make a pretty cover and that jumped out.
Im so curious…WHY do you like dislike me so much?? You are often snarky and biting…which is totally okay with me and often you are hilarious and you always have a point. Some comments you have left have poignantly spoken to me deep down, as well.
But I get the feeling that you just kind of hate on me. You think I am one big ED and there is so much more to me…
But why? Is my blog such a train wreck that you can’t look away? Don’t hate me I guess is what I am saying, hate the disease?
(PS– I get ALL the that are from “you” even though you use alias sometimes because of your ip address.)
I trust you will be honest and I hope you check back and read this because I REALLY wanna know! Seriously.
No no no no no no. I do not hate you. I am often snarky as a result of personally being bitter at myself for having gone through an eating disorder, recovering (for the most part), and now looking back as my life is getting better in so many ways thinking, “Why in the world did I do this to myself? Why did I miss out on so much? It was all for nothing.” And it really was! I lost weight (which I now gained back because I started eating much more healthily), lost friends, lost my zest for life — all through college, meaning, now that I’m out, I have no fun memories or friendships that blossomed… the end result? Well, that WAS the end result for a few years, until I finally couldn’t take it anymore and gave up on my ED. It was a lifestyle that was too hard to keep up with and I finally realized it gave me NOTHING. And now, almost a year into recovery, I’m doing great (though not perfectly of course, still struggle occasionally, but nowhere NEAR the struggles I had at first).
So I guess I get snarky and become the bully not because I hate YOU, but I hate what you are DOING to yourself… yes, I realize that with ED’s it’s not as easy as “you’re doing this to yourself, therefore, just snap out of it and eat a hamburger.” I get it. I actually don’t think I could’ve recovered all on my own, I needed the support and encouragement of my family as well as a whole new passion (graduate school).
Part of me also doesn’t grasp how you can carry on everyday like this when it became so much of a mental and a physical struggle for me relatively quickly. I feel sorry for you (and I know that also sounds snarky, but that’s really not how I mean it!) and wish that people such as yourself could just… END the madness somehow and not be confined to a life with ED.
I forgot to mention that I also get irked by people who seem to advocate an ED lifestyle… and I don’t know if you’re really doing that, but sometimes it comes off as being proud of it or something? I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. But… that also gets me, because like I said, it’s a terribly sad thing and if anything, you should be trying your hardest to get better…
After everything I said though, I do come back to your blog occasionally out of curiosity to see how you’re doing and if anything’s changed. And also because you’re funny.
Lisa, This is good, honest feedback. It’s nice to read about your freedom from eating disordered living, and I’m rather curious: for how long have you been living a healthy life?
I will personally admit that I do not believe Missy is advocating an eating disordered lifestyle. Her blog is a quirky blog about a quirky girl who sadly suffers from a disorder. For instance, how is the particular blog entry ANY MORE promoting of a disordered lifestyle than a tutti fruity healthy life blogger’s “Hi! I’m Going to Eat New Things each Tuesday because I Need to Put on Some Weight!” – and then hundreds of people comment with happiness, “Oh, you’re so fab! Good for you! Post recipes!” (and my head thinks, gosh, shut the hell up, people). This mock healthy life blogger is just masking their disease. If Missy’s DIet Mountain Dew makes her happy, then she should write about it. What’s “wrong” with having a food journal? If I keep a “dating journal,” does that mean I’m a serial dater, advocating a life of loads and loads of sex? Does that make me unhealthy? No. It makes me a sexaholic who likes to write about my life because I have that right.
I think to each their own. Missy’s blog made me angry in the early months of my blogging because she looks thin. But she doesn’t ever advocate finding her aesthetics. If she has, then please point that out to me. She just posts pictures of herself because she’s pretty. Who wouldn’t post pretty pics of themselves if given the chance?
If anything, her pictures are the reason that a person can determine that she’s disordered. Are you suggesting, “Missy, gain some LBs or don’t post your picture because it advocates eating disordered living?” That’s why I’m glad we’re not socialists because we can do whatever and post whatever the heck we want.
Perhaps I’m partial to Missy’s blog and see beyond the “eating disorder advocacy” that you extract from it because I don’t think in terms of “recovery.” I just think in terms of healthy living. I see ways in which Missy lives healthfully, and I embrace that, respect that, and come back for more because she inspires me. I find healthy living qualities in all of my friends. <3
(sorry for the rant on your page, Missy. you can make fun of my defense of your honour now, hehe).
“She just posts pictures of herself because she’s pretty”
That made me giggle.
I really (<–REALLY) don't think I of myself that way at all.
I just like stories with illustrations and I like to look people in the eye when I talk to them. It is extremely difficult for me to read blogs without pictures.
I know, juvenile but whatever. (O:
no no no! i so get it! when sir emdund posted, “atom counting v. unification” to my page, i yelled at him for not including any photographs.
i love pictures! especially pretty ones! 
:):)
I really value your feedback (in general when you check in and sort of drop reality bombs on me..I need them) and also regarding how my blog effects others and myself and etc.
I recently wrote about questioning my blog and asking for feedback and your response gives me lots of food for thought.
And finally, You are a total ROCK STAR. It sounds to me like you have really kicked ED’s trassh and I admire and respect you greatly for that.
I keep wondering when the heck I am going to no longer be able to stand the pain and torture of where I am enough to overcome the fear of making improvements. #whatIdiscussintherapy
Melissa, if I may? I agree with what was said above, I think you definately SHOULD post pictures of that lovely face of yours. And I love you for being a goofy, hella funny, bright light. But I also appreciate your wisdom immensely. They way you can think your thunks! And I also hope that people not just take from yóur blog, but you also take some from others. Well, I don’t just hope that. I know you do.
But I have to say something about your last paragraph just written; ‘I keep wondering when the heck I am going to no longer be able to stand the pain and torture of where I am enough to overcome the fear of making improvements.’ First of all. keeping wondering isn’t gonna make a change. You need to actively do that. I know you know this, but just sayin’. Second? From my experience and also from what I’ve read from others, is that you need to (actively) start recovery first, and then after (quite a painful, excruciating, humiliating, etcetc road) you get to a point of ‘no return’. Ofcourse there’s always the option of pressinig rewind in recovery, but, not really. Somehow your body gets to a point where it just doesn’t put up with the crap anymore. It’ll actively fight back. Hella scary. And even trying to compromise will be a complete struggle and that’s a point where you might just give up on trying to do so. But like I said, I needed to get to that half-assed (litterally, I needed to gain half an ass back first) point of recovery first before the actual ED-beatdown. If that makes any sense?
Keep it up. Foodjournals suck so whatever helps to make it easier, do it. You’re a bright and shiny star babes, you can do this. Fight.
Love, Sooz
I know. I know. I know.
BUT…………………………
(anything after butt is sh*t).
Did you get my email?
Nooo no email! I’ve been waiting and waiting…