I recently completed a questionnaire on Nicole’s blog and wanted to document it here for my personal recall, as well as share with any of you who might have wondered.
It’s a good exercise for those who struggle with disordered eating or food addiction. Feel free to share your own answers if you are on of us lucky ones.
ps- i added pictures at random to break up the text. they are 198% irrelevant. on purpose.
How old are you?
33 (i actually had to google this on Monday, a fact i shared on facebook and just now i actually had to look back on my wall because i had already forgotten <–!!!)
What is your gender?
Female (no, i didn’t have to google that).
Do you consider it possible to recover completely from an eating disorder?
hmmm…yeah. i do, but i think it REALLY depends on the person and their particulars. the age, duration of disease, behaviors..etc. however, i think complete recovery is RARE and tend to side more with N’s view on this.
Do you consider media (magazines, television, etc.) to encourage and contribute to the spread of EDs?
not really…i think the tabloids and shock-shows like Dr. Phil may encourage some people who "decide" they are going to be "anorexic" and set off visiting pro-ana sites and taping pics of the Olsen Twins on their walls. i do not consider these people to suffer from eating disorders. as far as body image, models and actresses and all that? i would say NOT AT ALL in my personal history. i can’t relate but do know that many ED sufferers are affected by media, models…etc. i just….not me.
What do you think is the primary cause of an ED? If you believe that different disorders manifest differently, please specify.
heck if i know. i personally chalk it all up to evil…darkness. in my own experience? i’m mostly concerned with the "now what?" rather than the "how" and "why"
Would you classify yourself as currently suffering from an eating disorder?
oh, hail yes.
Have you ever been in therapy, and if so when?
yes. on and off. first in college. next stop was 2007. then 2009 i went into IOP treatment. then started another therapist 2010. she died. now i see her daughter.
For how long have you suffered from an eating disorder?
earliest memories that something was wack was when i was 13 or 14.
How would you describe your experience with therapy, if applicable?
i like it. it won’t cure me but i think everyone can benefit from therapy. we all need to poo, right? likewise i believe we all need a place to verbally just "take a dump."
Do you consider yourself a happy person?
i may have coined the term "happy sad girl" for myself.
it’s hard to explain. i wrote on my blog once "I am sad happy girl. Or happy sad girl. Is there a word for a happy sort of sad or a sad sort of happiness? Not ambivalence…. " (blog entry —>here)
Do you share the nature of your disorder with anyone in your personal life? If so, describe this relationship.
i am an open book with everyone. however, i rarely get into the nitty gritty of my behaviors unless asked because…well, who cares? i share that with my close friends (you know who you are real-lifers and internet buds) and my therapist. i keep it quiet in my work environments unless i develop close friendships. currently i work with family so…well everyone knows and the clients that come in usually do to.
Do you actively hide your disorder from anyone in your personal life? If so, please elaborate.
no i do not hide my disorder at all….well, i guess i do because i’d never purge or binge in company. i do not have to be alone completely, just behind a closed door.
i do not hide what i eat when it is diminutive, though it sometimes embarrasses me. (Ex: Lunchtime: what are you eating Missy? oh, 3.5 oz mushrooms and 1T of hummus.)
Are you a competitive person?
oh goodness no. i really don’t like games or competitive sports even. what is the opposite of competitive? competition does not motivate me at all.
Do you believe that you will ever overcome your ED?
i have moments when i do but those moments last a millisecond and as more time passed it is really hard for me to hold on to hope that i can fix my life.
but i do hold on to the hope because if that dies?
i know one thing. i BELIEVE beyond a doubt that i will be able to manage better than i am right now.
and i believe in a God who heals, who helps, who saves, who rescues.
- of course i’m always open for questions. they help me. so i’ll smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.