I was struck by a line in a book I’ve been reading:
“It was so bitter and sad, looking for safety in the person least likely to give it to you. Like drinking salt water” J. Courtney Sullivan, Maine
Bitter and sad, yes. So why do we do it?
I believe we all look to satiate ourselves in things, people and places that ultimately can’t deliver. Sometimes they actually do damage.
We may be looking for safety, comfort, love, satisfaction or fulfillment and turn to food, cigarettes or alcohol; shopping, partying or exercise; perfectionism, working or people pleasing.
All of which may bring temporary relief or distraction, but soon the tap runs dry and we’re empty yet again. Sometimes even bone dry.
So why do we do it? Can’t we learn our lesson?
A few reasons came to mind – using the comparison of being thirsty on a deserted island. What would make us drink the ocean water we know will not quench?
*It’s ubiquitous. The water is everywhere and easily accessible. It looks appealing, tantalizing even. (If this weren’t a deserted island, sexy advertising would bombard you with false promises of drinking it.) It’s tempting.
*We get desperate. Our thirst becomes so powerful that we cannot take the pain any longer and prefer to wet our mouths just a little – just to relieve the pain. Perhaps if we had friends around to talk us out of it we could resist such a strong compulsion. But we are alone. Isolated.
*It’s easy. It takes work to look for water and climb trees for coconuts. We’re tired. We’re weak. The ocean is a crawl away. It takes energy and work to gather supplies to build rain catchers. Oh, and hope.
*We lose hope. If we do not believe we will be rescued, that rain will come or that there is an end in sight…our spirits grow dim. We lose the ability to try and do right for ourselves.
Knowing the reasons helps us to avoid falling for them. We can stay out of malls or avoid bars, we can decide to suck it up and work, not take the easy way out, avoid isolation, see through the false promise and find a way to build our hope.
- What is the thirst and the salt water in your life?
- Do any of these reasons resonate for you as to why you keep going back?
Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35
And so he is. He’s the only person that has got me through difficult times and despair! Great analogy!
Well; I won’t answer your questions first. Instead, I’ll highlight your tag “why can’t I learn?”. Dearest Missy; in fact this is what you ARE doing.
This analogy; awareness and wisdom IS indeed you learning and continuing to be enriched in knowledge.
I find what you have written to strike and resonate in it’s own ways for myself.
The thirst that I have is to continue to grow and learn; to acknowledge that though I do reach back to that which has not yielded the full quench; I must allow myself the grace to eventually figure that out. I don’t know if that makes sense….however, I will express that what you’ve shared is bringing about a pondering which stirs thoughts; moves them to touch feelings and intertwines with that constant of a continuum energy. Meaning; you’ve given me a lot to think upon as well as take a closer look at what, where, how, why, I do and what I might and can adjust now.
Thank you for this. (And for reading my rambles in the brambles.)
for the first time, the only thirst in my life is being independently wealthy whilst helping others. i’m at a healthy place but will, undoubtedly, continue to suffocate the old bulimic tendencies. my friend, sir edmund, once told me that if i focused my intense passion upon something good (other than eating, restricting, purging, shopping, serial dating, etcetera etcetera etcetera), then i would be a success. so right now, i’m obsessed with success. i think that’s a good thing. and thank you, lovely girl, for provoking these thoughts in my brain which otherwise might have been stagnant tonight. xxx
Just make sure you are not chasing success, wealth and your mission to help others with something that can’t deliver.
missy, i will assure you that i always deliver.
what are your thoughts on objectivism? i see your response to my comment as being a “glass is half empty” kind of jab. caution’s a natural tendency in every successful entrepreneur, i think, so if that’s what you’re counseling, then i can assure you that your words are appreciated, but i am very cautious. clearly, it took me 11 years to suffocate bulimia. x
I’m not really sure I meant anything really, Nic. I think you read into it too much bcause you sound defensive..or maybe I am reading into your response too much! LOL. (0: You make me nervous cuz I keep remembering you thought I was the “Mean Girl” lol.
You are an example of someone who identified why they were drinking the salt water of binge/purge and was able to find out what they really needed to satisfy (the thirst) and went about finding a better way … (blogging, yoga, school…etc).
thumbs up for this post.
i think ive figured out my thirst and why i keep going back. but the hard part is figuring out how to quench the thirst and actually execute the plan. challenging.
Yes…the doing. Always hard.
Thank you for sharing this with us Missy. I agree with the Senses – you are learning!
I love this piece of scripture. It helps me to remember not to fret about what will be, just to go to Him and ask Him for help and trust Him. Everything I truly need will be given to me. I am always scared of going hungry, too, and this helps me to remember that I will not – He will always see that I am provided for. But I have to stop being stubborn and let Him take the burden. Humbly admit I cannot do it myself.
My salt water is anorexia and bulimia, both. Anorexia beckons to me daily – I miss the feeling that everything is going to be okay, everything will be in control, because I am obeying, and I am doing, what I am supposed to do. It’s so seductive. And it’s instant gratification.
Bulimia beckons to me daily too. I hate sitting with the pain and memories, and it’s the way to shut them up. Temporarily, because it comes back stronger. That’s the thing with giving in to our salt water – the thirst will come back stronger. The pain will be stronger.
Thank you for this reminder, I needed this lesson today. xx
So which one of the reasons keeps you tricked by the salt water? Is it the isolation, the sheer lack of alternative in face of a seducer?
I think both… I crave isolation even though I know it’s not good for me. I’m seduced by the ED and no, I can’t find alternatives when I’m in a bad spot. To be honest I’m really confused about what I want or need these days because nothing I do or feel makes sense :/
That’s how it felt being in the relationship with you know who…
So whenever you talk to him remember that “salt water” ….
Sadly i don’t need reminders of how bad it was. that sort of thing sticks with you.
Why can’t you learn? Just read through this post and say that again lady! You are learning! Look at all those ‘a-ha’s after reading just that one simple line! If that’s not learning…. Now you just have to put in into practice.. That’s the real b****. But I’m convinced you can do anything if you put your mind to it, no matter the length or the bumpiness of the road (or, the size and saltiness of the pond, and then you can pretend to be Ariel! Bonus!)
What’s a fire and why does it…whats the word … BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN.
Imm go comb my hair with a fork. I mean a dingelhopper.
Exactly the reasons you listed…it’s easier (in the moment) and hope is lost.
My salt is anorexia. It tells me that everything will be better if I start restricting again. But I am getting sick of the voice. (The good kind of ) anger is building up in me. I want to eat normally and have energy to live!
Missy,
What a gorgeous and soul searching post.