I don’t feel good about my post yesterday. What started out as something positive for me (and really spontaneous) turned into something that was draining on my energy and I want to move on (i.e, get that post off my homepage.)
I appreciate all the comments (as always). They make me think, learn, and challenge myself which I know is necessary. So thank-you. I am sorry if I make some of you want to grab me by the shoulders and shake me into recovery.
I wish you could do that, too. Unfortunately there is no magic trick and my recovery is in my hands. I do my best with what I have.
Anyways….I had a giggle because with such a long rant yesterday I’m surprised nobody said:
“Dang girl, maybe you’d calm down if you ate a freaking carb!”
Raise your hand if you think I’m hilarious.
- It is ATYPICAL TUESDAY today for me and so I am off to explore my evening rather than perform my evening. Routine can be a form of bondage. I’m trying to break free.
What are you doing in your life that is adventurous and beyond your routine?
I feel the post yesterday is absolutely aligned with The Beautiful Struggle.
There are going to be many passionate thoughts, feelings, experiences that many can share. It’s great that you are able to find the benefits as to why sugar and flour are not necessary FOR YOU.
Everyone has brought up many valid and really good thoughts that simply considering different perspectives is a win (at least in my flow of belief). Does it mean you are going to go out and jump onto the plethora of pathways available right away? Probably not. Will you eventually consider it? Probably. And that is the aspect about being OPEN that striving for “recovery” or simply bettering oneself is going to bring growth.
I love your sense of humor. So, I’m raising a hand to that and to everyone who is willing to share their own insights, wisdom, care, concern, support and hope. It’s a beautiful thing.
I’m sleeping in tomorrow morning. That is way off of a routine for me. Might sound trite, but it’s true.
*(Always appreciate the insights you offer Missy as well as your bravery in sharing aspects of your journey.)*
i hereby motion to plagiarise this comment, everything except for the sleeping in factor. my routine deviation happened this evening. i went shopping without gwendolyn. they don’t allow her into the mall. damn food court.
Yay for variation….I know your routine is a vital part of your recovery right now but it has been so long I love when you are straying outside the lines and guess what? Still safe!
Like when you slept through dinner and stuff… you are truly mended.
ee gad! i forgot about the dinner variation! yeah for TWO recent examples!
Gosh B– you just..I love ya.
That is all.
Please call me.
Beautiful one, I love that quote. We all need the friends who tell us that we MUST eat and that we have to take care of ourselves otherwise we are not living. Take care, girl, and eat those carbs <3
I’m going to a friend’s house and being (gasp) social for thanksgiving – that’s pretty adventurous For me
Love that…I still have been meaning to email you. I am worried and want to offer my heart,
Gasp. I want that t-shirt. Hahaha!
(hug) Sorry if I was tough on your on your last post, but you know my stance. I have to be true to myself and you.
But…I love how humble and honest and accepting you are. Kudos to you; it’s not easy to have people disagree and question your judgment, but you show character by thinking about it. For that, you will surely grow.
I hope that you can get a grasp of who I am through the interwebs and I think you do.
Again — your stance and voice is always in my head …I can’t go into detail without sounding like a stalker.
I was in no way NO WAY offended by your comment at all…made me think twice as I am always doing and it made me think about white chocolate covered pretzels.
You do need that shirt. But it should have your wonderful face on it slurping up noodles.
XX
Love the quote. I happen to agree with it, Missy. People who care will say what is on their minds (without an intention to be really mean and put down others for hell of it).
You are, like always, an inspiration and a wonderful blogger.
Exactly.
Everything said resonates.
So, I offer the AMEN.
Yes, and people who UNDERSTAND.
That are like…check yourself Girly! Before you wreck.
BTW — I am a wreck right now.
Not so much as inspiring as honest…rough patch.
Your honesty inspires me.
What did I do different? Well, after almost two months of struggling and restricting, I ate a hot fudge sundae from McDonald’s after class tonight. Because it sounded good. Because I wanted it. Because I was tired of nothing but Ensure because if feels “safe.” And I enjoyed every bite, even if I do feel incredibly guilty.
I’m not sure when I will do it again. I’m embarrassed to even admit that I ate it. But I did…
Just give yourself credit!
Continually.
Feeling the guilt AND then feeling guilty about THAT will only burn a pathway in your brain equating the Sundae as negative.
I am super PROUD of you. Dang. That beats my atypical Tuesday by a mile.
I think sometimes the posts that we want to get rid of… are the posts that we needed to get out of ourselves the most… you know?
The fact that you can realize things about that post now… is important — I think the fact that you thought someone would say “dang girl eat a carb” shows some sort of realization that a carb is a carb… nothing more. nothing less. or rather that some part of you does… while still allowing yourself to acknowledge it is a struggle (I may be reading a lot into this… too much DBT… hahaha)
(yes I like the ellipsis)
I also think breaking out of routine can be empowering… let’s be adventurers… okay?
I LOVE ellipsis..es..elipsi? Whatever the plural is.
And yes, rant posts are always good for getting off the chest. I realize many things even before writing it — it just didn’t come across in the writing AT ALL and I began to think it sounded more anorexic than anything.
aah i want to be adventurous but i don’t seem to be as brave as i need to be in order to get beyond my routine
this has been bothering me quite a lot lately. i know i should challenge myself every day but then i get scared and don’t do anything i planned to do and moreover i tend to hate myself for not being adventurous (anymore).
i really hope you don’t hate me for my comments. in a way, your posts and the discussions that arise from them help me to reflect on my own (still disordered) thinking and i really wish someone would tell me everytime i’m full of shit.
Try just one day a week with me! Tuesdays! Just change one thing.
Gotta admit though, it is VERY hard.
And girl? Why the heack would I hate you for your comments?
In general — I really don’t hate anybody.
yes, OK! i’ll try it.
(weird enough, i just impulsively signed up for the sketchbook project, which i have wanted to do since forever but never actually dared to do)
i love you, crazy lady. you make me smile!
Hand held high in the air!
So glad you can still find the funny, beauty and sparkle in the world when things are grey and hard. If I could click my fingers and make it better, I would. But all I can do is pray and keep checking in. Keep doing that scary thing- eventually it won’t be so scary anymore.
My atypical Tuesday – I cooked for and ate with my housemates! We had red and white quinoa with roast vegetables, chickpeas and balsamic vinager dressing. Yummo.
Btw, I have been meaning to tell you two things – I want that T-shirt and I love how you can capture rainbows! First the one reflected on your face and now the one that you are holding in your hand…Beautiful!
I love the idea of changing one thing each Tuesday. I am going to keep working on that!
{{{Hugs}}}
Angela
Hey Missy. Just reading over yesterday’s post and comments, I was struck, not by people wanting to shake you better, but by how much they how love and care about you. Hope you know how precious you are – even in the midst of the struggles.
We definitely love you, MIssy! You are a very special person, a bright light that shines in this sometimes dark world. You are sparkle and glitter and rainbows and butterflies flying free…And you have a rare gift, the gift of writing. I think that gift might help set you free.
I can also be a meanie bo beanie and a grumpster as well. Trust.
I am struck too.
I feel so humbled.
My disease is making me want to hide away because I feel like I am making people care too much and I am just….Struggling.
Thanks Em.
i’m sorry i commented on the other post. it just struck me because of how it just eventually becomes the nothing; no sugar, no flour, no fruit, veggies, soda, juice, carbs, fat, blah dee freaking blah, no nothing except the disorder and the nightmare of it all. and then now it just struck me that you said you wanted to delete it.
so yeah. i’m sorry. probably didn’t really want to look at it again. i will refrain from comment and just pray. the rest is distraction anyway.
Don’t ever apologize for your comment.
Yeah, the post was a bit of a rant.
Basically, I was saying “I refuse to argue or defend myself anymore. Not sorry.” and then I waent on to defend myself and expalin myself further….
Trust me. I am in no danger of letting the no-sugar no-flour thing trip me down the light fantastic. I am 33 and have dealt with disordered eating most of my life. I am of sound mental faculty. (0: