So I Won’t

I don’t feel like blogging.

So I won’t.

…..wait…..

I just did.

 

Blogging.

I wish I knew how to quit you!

 

I’ll write more when the spirit moves me. Blogging hasn’t been on God’s agenda for me lately. There is so much CHANGE stirring in my heart and soul, it’s a wonder I recognize myself in the mirror.

Suffice it to say – I’m speechless. Wordless. Blogless. (For now).

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“Na-cho” Mama’s Chips & Salsa (Corn Free, Gluten Free, Flour Free, Sugar Free, Vegan, FDA Approved)

If you take the corn out of a tortilla chip, can you still call it a tortilla chip? Hmm..good question.

Either way – I found some corn-free chips that make me smile.

You read that correctly. No Corn. It’s a chip even Clean Eating Chelsea can eat. Hooray!

I found Beanitos on the interweb and instantly fell in love. First of all, the company is based in Austin, Texas where cool people live. (I used to be one).

I also love the idea of taking corn out of the equation. Corn is ubiquitous in our diets. Avoiding it is kind-of like socking it to “The Man.”

By using beans and rice in lieu of corn, these chips are a source of complete protein. Score!

The ingredients list is super clean.

Check out those flax seeds!

They taste a bit like a deep-fried Mary’s Gone Cracker. Sounds good, right?

Yes, they’re fried. Fat-free they are not. (Thank goodness. One more “free” and they’d look like a healthy-label whore.) 

Anyways, it’s apple season! Why not pair a non-traditional chip with a non-traditional salsa?

Here’s how I made mine, so you get the idea.

Apple-Cucumber Salsa

 

• 1 cup diced English (Seedless) cucumber
• 1 cup diced Macintosh Apple (Macs are firm, crisp and tangy sweet)
• 3/4 cup diced red onion (I LOVE onions…use your judgment)
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
• Cayenne to taste
• Cumin to taste
• Sea Salt
• Optional – sweetener of choice (I used a packet of Splenda)
• Optional – couple dashes of light olive oil or canola oil.
• Fresh cilantro or mint would rock this salsa out; I didn’t have any.

Put everything in a container and stir. (Duh). Surprisingly the apples stay crisp and do not brown for days in the fridge. The longer the flavors have a chance to wed,  the better the salsa.

Any interesting salsa concoctions you’d like to share?

PS- I still can’t believe I used the word whore. What has come over me?

PPS- The people from Beanitos were kind enough to send me these chips when I could not find them locally. (Thanks guys!)

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Wu Wei, Baby

Remember “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey?”

I’d like to share one of my own (far less amusing) “deep thoughts.”

I was hit by a divine notion recently; I don’t have to “do” anything in order to change my life. The changes I want to make will be actualized through non-action rather than action.

Hmmm.

By the way, typos in your facebook status are perfectly acceptable in my book.

It’s funny this “popped into my mind” (thanks, God) because I’ve always been intrigued by the Taoist concept of Wu-Wei.

Wu-Wei say what?

Wu Wei is the paradoxical “action of non-action.” It’s the cultivation of a state of being in which our actions are quite effortlessly in alignment with the ebb and flow of the elemental cycles of the natural world. It is a kind of “going with the flow” in which – without even trying – we’re able to respond perfectly to whatever situations arise.  (source)

Like a kite in the wind.

We can learn a lot from a kite.

Here’s my deal. Maybe you can relate?

My afflictions, addictions and hang-ups complicate my life enormously. I’m constantly doing things I feel I must do when, in actuality, they’re not necessary. They’re habits.

I’m a slave to my vices and routines. I’m getting SO tired of running around to appease this imaginary beast telling me I must run to the store because I cannot survive without Diet Soda or asparagus in the house, I must vacuum every day, I must go to the gym every day…etc.

It’s an exercise in futility. One that never ends.

Sometimes I wish I could go home after work, change into pajamas and crash on the couch. But I can’t. I can’t just… “be.”

So I “do” (all the things I don’t want to do) in order to avoid….being.

I go out of my way to feed my disorderly life. 

Nothing will change until I allow myself to rest and be at peace. I wouldn’t have to fight for it. It’s a magnetic pull. I don’t need to “do” anything — other than surrender. To not resist.

 

Pretty Deep. Huh?

Did that make sense to anyone?

 

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Moment of Zen: Blog Fog

Continuing my “Week Of Zen” I encourage you to follow my instructions.

Click on the image below and……

(source for image)

Did you do it? Did ya?  Sigh. Here’s you second chance….

Are you back? So soon? You mean you didn’t finish?

To be honest, I didn’t either. But it’s cool, huh? Makes you think.

Why’s it difficult to sit still for two minutes and just be? 

I’ve been feeling God’s gentle beckon for me to “unplug.” I can’t seem to argue with Him when I find myself reading about a stranger’s bowl of oatmeal (again) or the new shirt they bought. My eyes start to glaze over. I scroll. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

It’s Blog Fog.

Think of all the blog posts you’ve taken two minutes of your time to read. Now ask yourself…”Why?”

Would your time be better spent staring at the waves? Relaxing?

I encourage you to take a grand inventory of the blogs you read. Examine what you like about them. Ask yourself “Why am I reading this?”

Keep reading the blogs you enjoy. The rest of them? Hit the unsubscribe button. There’s no shame in it.

Everything’s Zen.

 

Edited to add- I actually cleared my Google Reader some time ago. Incredibly liberating.

If I read your blog and you write about oatmeal or t-shirts it’s because I love you and your blog no matter what you write about. I just had a bunch of blogs in my Reader that I never commented on, never got a real “feel” for the writer and I would find myself skimming their blogs after I read all my favorites (i.e. yours). That’s what I mean by blog fog. I recognized in hindsight this could come across negatively and that is NOT my intention.

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Moment of Zen: Freedom

My Mom thinks everyone needs to see this video.

“It just uplifts your spirits! We’re Free! We’re Free!” <–Her words.

Cameras captured Chimpanzees getting their first glimpse of daylight after being in a laboratory their whole lives.

Watch. Please. I beg you. (If you want).

——> Here is the link <——I can’t get it to embed.

The first chimp turns and embraces the others. How frickalickin cute is that?

Their excitement, amazement and joy are almost palpable. Can’t you feel it?

Do you see their smiles? Can you feel their gratitude?

They’re free. They’re alive. Life is pretty neat.

Perhaps one day I’ll have my own moment of freedom in the sun after being released from the bondage I am living in.

PS- Animal testing kind-of sucks.

PPS- This may be a week of Zen.

You can see more on uTube if it tickles your fancy.

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Moment of Zen: My Flaws are Flawless?

I’m an advertising and marketing lover. Yup. I watch TV commercials for sport – it’s the only reason I watch the Super Bowl.

Fruit of the Loom’s recent commercial is just one example of my habit.

I watch. I ponder. I analyze.

Have you seen this one?

On the surface, it seems this commercial is selling positive body image. Nothing wrong with that, right?

BUT why does the commercial “work”?

It “works” because the women featured are – well, they stand out. They aren’t what we’re accustomed to seeing. Because they are… flawed in society’s eyes? I guess? How sad.

Can you imagine the campaign pitch? “A large curvy women enters and proclaims…”

I feel the commercial subliminally perpetuates that “body flaws” exist. It acknowledges, in a way, that there is an ideal body.

The underlying message of defiance— in my mind–implies guilt. That’s not healthy.

Why not use “plus size models” and just sell underwear full stop? Why call attention to their flaws or lack thereof?

Besides…at the end of the day? Those women are flawless.

Would the commercial “work” if we saw women like this declaring their flawless factor?

I don’t think that would sell much underwear.

• Any thoughts?

 

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Roller Coaster of Recovery

This graph captures my experience with recovery. Take a look.

When I first started this journey, I was filled with optimism and excitement. The changes I made were incredibly rewarding. It was a natural high.

Then I reach the point where I have to INVEST EVERYTHING in recovery and let go of my eating disorder ENTIRELY.

Enter FEAR.  You have to take a risk.

—-> I wrote about it here <—

FEAR has gotten the best of me once again.

I started denying my problems or ignoring them. I’m trying to negotiate my recovery.  Do it my way. #howsthatworkingoutforyou?

I’ve continued down the slope of disease.  And I do mean down. I’m no longer IN DENIAL, I’m living WITH DENIAL. That means being gruesomely aware each time I act in my disease. It obliterates my self-esteem. Yet, I can’t seem to stop.

I’m terrified. I’ve never experienced a trough so low. The gravity of my situation is new to me as my behaviors have progressed in ways I’ve never fathomed. 

I’ve been in a state of PANIC for some time.

Panic is TIRING. I’ve bottomed out.

Though I’m in tremendous pain, I have so much gratitude.  My hope is still alive and I have FAITH. Actually, that’s ALL I have.

I can barely recognize myself. I am an empty shell.

When we are left with nothing – we have nothing left to lose.

 

Recovery is NOT pretty. I guess I thought I’d wake up one day and be “normal.”

Oh, and I suppose I blocked out the whole “weight-gain” thing. Who cares about weight? It turns out I do. I’ve gained a great deal of weight and it is no less than torture. #ED = EVIL.

   

Recovery can be UGLY at times. It’s no magic carpet ride. It’s gruesome and painful and I suppose I’m just realizing that now.

Recovery is NOT pretty. It’s a rollercoaster in a messed-up, demonic amusement park. I don’t remember paying for admission, but I’m here now. Desperate to get back up and find the EXIT.

I’m not sure I’ll be writing about recovery for a while. Rest assured my heart is in a good place. I’m not looking for advice. I will not be entering a treatment facility at this time for several reasons both rational and imagined. Please refrain from leaving comments suggesting I do. I have engaged a therapist.

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