WTF Wednesday

It’s Wednesday again. A day to acknowledge that sometimes you have to think WTF.

As in: WHATEVER. It’s TOTALLY FINE.

Life is Crazy. I’m Crazy. Whatever. Totally Fine.

You with me?

I’m writing more regularly (every other day) as an experiment. I’m curious what would happen if I just let loose and wrote about…whatever! Here goes nothing. <—Literally

During an insomnia-fueled viewing of The Tonight Show last night, I decided to look pretty more often. Was this inspired by watching Blake Lively? A little. 

But mostly I was wondering if I could attract a man like Blake Shelton.

Le Purrrrrrr. I want to curl up in his dimples and sleep for a very long time.

Would I have to pretend to like his music? Probably. Worth it.

I also decided I should work on my abs after Leno showed this picture:

I wonder if I could get ripped? I’ve never tried. Might be fun.

I decided to do sit-ups every morning.

I thought all this whilst shoving salty, greasy carbs in my mouth and lying in bed. Whatever! Totally Fine. Right?

So this morning I grabbed something a little different from my closet. I tried to get my pretty on.

Look! There’s Zoe!

I was too busy brushing the crumbs and nutreast* from my sheets that I didn’t have time for sit-ups. I did have time to get my neighbor to snap a picture. Is that normal? NO.

Whatever! It’s totally fine.

Actually – I’ll be honest. I forgot I had “the abs-thought” until now. I’m over it. Oh, the thinks you can think at 12am. Silly.

I also forgot to shave my legs. Fail. Not pretty. 

It’s Totally Fine, though. I’m blonde. I can get away with being absent minded and having hairy legs. Score!

 

Plus, Zoe thinks I’m pretty.

Unfortunately I cannot get away with a freakish looking eyebrow. Not pretty.

WTF.

 

My hairdo isn’t too shabby though.

Changing subject in 3…2….1….

*I am calling nutritional yeast nutreast from now on. I don’t like the word nooch. Reminds me of hooch or cooch.

NUTRITIONAL YEAST = NUTREAST ©

Yes, this is the stuff I think about. Whatever. Totally FINE.

• What are you thinking about today?
• Do you care about looking pretty? I usually don’t, this is hard work!
• If you commented on my last post thank you for you well wishes, wisdom, advice and encouragement! I am feeling better.

 

 

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Not a B.R.A.T.T.Y Girl

I don’t feel so good.

I’m sick as a tick under the weather.

Low-grade nausea, aches, pains, headache, fatigue, brain fizzle, and NO energy.  Walking to the couch feels like running a marathon. I have to sit down in the shower. This isn’t the first time.

I run my body down and it catches up with me. Last time I felt like this I was probably dehydrated.

The hardest part about feeling this way is I lose my appetite. Losing my appetite does crazy things to me. It has a habit of never coming back.  It’s like I have a physical allergy to any reduction in my diet.

Most people recommend the BRAT (or BRATTY) diet.

• Bananas
• Rice
• Applesauce
• Tea
• Toast
• Yogurt

But those are complicated “more-than” foods for me (well, except the tea.) Frankly, I don’t have the energy for that kind of mental mambo.

It sucks to be sick when you deal with disordered eating. “Nobody (not even MY body) is gonna tell me what to eat.” It’s like adding insult to injury.

So even though my brother bought in some couscous today and it sounds so blandly appetizing for my belly….

I have to pass. I don’t eat couscous. Couscous is pasta. I don’t eat pasta. I don’t eat flour. Sigh.

Instead I have my “in-a-pinch” miso.

Which is “just a pinch” shy on calories.

And my “not-so-smooth” smoothies.

Which I will drink in the sun until the cows vegetables come home.

Or I go cross-eyed.

     

I got my radar on. I’m more prepared to deal with appetite loss this time around. Last night I ate THE mother load of rice cakes. In bed. (Crumble them up, spray them with olive oil and add nooch…it’s lazy-girl popcorn!)

• What are your experiences with losing you appetite due ti illness if you have a background with disordered eating?
• If you have never experienced ED and have lost weight during an illness, has it inspired you to diet or keep losing? What happened next?

 

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Storytime: Elephant in the Room

Gather around boyfriends and girlfriends…settle down and grab a seat. Criss cross applesauce. Shhh….inside voices.

It’s time for a story. Today’s share?

Interpreted by Miss. Caterpillar

That would be me.

Ever feel like you’re walking around with a big “elephant in the room”?

Like in Middle School, when everyone knew you had a crush on Josh. Everyone heard when you farted in gym class. Everyone is staring at your zits. So we thought.

Our insecurities fade dramatically as we mature (amen). But even adults experience this “elephant in the room” effect from time to time. I know I do.

 

It’s easy to assume everyone knows our insecurities, our shortcomings, our mistakes, our less-thans.

Maybe you’ve gained some weight.

Maybe you’re feeling guilty. You screwed up. You got fired from your job. You lied to a friend to avoid helping them move. You got caught gossiping.

Maybe you had an embarrassing episode. Farted in yoga class, got a little too drunk at the office party or “replied to all” accidentally.

Maybe you had to drop out of school or you live with your parents. You have an eating disorder. Maybe you live paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford nights out with your friends. You’re single and lonely.

You have debt. You’re in a bad relationship. Your car is dirty. Your kid misbehaves at school. You got a bad haircut. You’re wearing that outfit again.

You might think, everyone is judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself.  

*Intermission*

Hold on, Kids! Let’s stop for a moment. As a swimmer, I am absolutely NOT condoning peeing in the pool.

  

Personally, I don’t care if you do. I’m not scared. (I’ve resigned myself to the fact I’m wading through wee in public pools). But it is definitely NOT okay. Okay? Just sayin’.

 

(Speaking of Pee….this book has a lot of it.)

The point is…..

If people really though about others as much as we imagine, the world would be a better, more caring place. Most of us are too busy thinking about ourselves!

Your problems? Weaknesses? Mistakes? Hurts?

Chances are people would never notice.

Unless you mention it.

When I feel down and out, I think “Get OVER yourself, girl!”

There is so much more to YOU than your broken bits.

Because JESUS LOVES YOU!

Lots of people do! Missing Pieces and all.

(Yes, even you pool-pottying people.)

*Random* My neighbor just knocked on my door to return the car keys I left outside in the grass while I was reading earlier. I said, “Did you know they were mine or just figure they had to belong to the crazy space cadet in the neighborhood?” Because clearly everyone must think that. Sigh. 

• What’s your “elephant?”
• Anyone pool peeing people care to fess up? I dare ya! 
• Don’t you want a Rainbow Pony Backpack?  

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Allow me to Clear the Air

I get gas.

Not gas as in petrol, but stomach gas. Rest assured, this post isn’t about farts. (Though fart jokes are amusing). This post is about me clearing the air, not the room. 

Allow me to dispel a myth:

Having Gas does not equate to …um… dispelling gas.

The letter F is not for flatulence in my case.

Digesting food produces gas. Sometimes in excess, causing your stomach to expand like a balloon. (Or in my case a dirigible).

Usually the excess gas finds its escape (one way or the other). Sometimes it gets trapped, causing incredible discomfort, bloating, and cramping. That’s my issue. I trap gas.

I also get short of breath and EXTREME anxiety. I’m talking snakes-and-monkeys-having-nervous breakdowns…on a plane.

The last thing you need when grappling with disordered eating or body image issues is to have your stomach suddenly expand to a capacity you never thought possible.

You may jump to conclusions: I am fat. I ate too much. I should never eat again. I am a freak of nature. I had no clue what was up.

I was greatly relieved when I identified the culprit.

Why so excited? Because it means I’m normal (maybe, kinda, sorta). My massive stomach is not caused by sudden weight gain or too much food. Maybe I can deal.

I never equated my stomach issues with “having gas” because I associated “having gas” with “passing gas” – which wasn’t happening. 

Then one day it happened. I fluffed (that’s what I call it, okay?). My stomach felt better exactly 0.000111 milliseconds after. (I told you I was relieved.) I figured it all out. I’m not a fatso, I’m a fartless.

Can you relate? Here are three things that help me.

1. Examine your diet. Know the foods that cause gas. Here’s a good list. In my situation, changing my diet is not an option.

Foods that cause gas = EVERYTHING I EAT.

   

I get by with a little help from my OTC friends. I take beano before every meal. Sometimes I take Gas-X or Phayzyme if I’m feeling distress afterward.

2. Wearing dresses helps. I still feel yucky but at least my waistband is not cutting off my circulation and compounding my anxiety.

          

3. Last but not least CHEW YOUR FOOD. Think you got that one down pat? Think again. There is a macrobiotic saying that we should “chew our drink and drink our meals." Look into it (if you want).

If you found this helpful my work here is done. You are not alone. There is help for people like us.

If you have no troubles with trapped gas, be proud of your pooting prowess. Toot your own horn.

PS- There are plenty of more ways to save on Gas. (Avoid carbonated beverages and chewing gum. Soak or sprout your beans, grains and nuts, use Kombu during the cooking process, etc.) Use your noodle Google.

PPS- Before I forget, I am not a doctor.

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Live for..Tomorrow?

I’ve proselytized “living mindfully in the present” for most of my life. I’m not alone. The popular sentiment in our culture (though sadly not the reality) is to savor each moment of the “here and now.” The present is a gift. Yadda, Yadda.

There’s no dearth of reminders to live in the present. It’s a good message.

But I need to move past this. For me, living in the moment prevents me from living “wisely and earnestly.”

I need to be thinking about tomorrow.

I need to be living for tomorrow.

It’s Widdershins. It’s wack birds. Let me explain.

I’ve been living “in the moment” my entire life. It’s natural for me (“Look! A butterfly! Pretty! Yay Life!).

It’s also an occupational hazard of life with an eating disorder (like any addiction or affliction).

During both the dog days of disease and the heydays of recovery – the Modus Operandi has been constant: Just make it through the day.

Orchestrating my food on a daily basis has been difficult and consuming. Setting goals, working toward future dreams…basically living life to it’s full potential is entirely overwhelming. I can’t remember the last time I looked forward to ANYTHING but the end of the day.

I spend the majority of my time trying to make the present moment more bearable — often resorting to compulsive measures. Then I feel like crap the next day. Still stuck. 

So I decided to stick it to stuckness. I stuck stickies around to help me think of tomorrow. 

 

They help me live healthier days by reminding me to live for tomorrow: 

• I can start a diet tomorrow (but I probably won’t want to).
• Did I overeat? I’ll feel better tomorrow.
• Do I want to purge? No, I’ll feel like crap tomorrow.

They also inspire me to think about my future – a healthy future.

• Tomorrow I can start to work on a career.
• I will feel well enough to socialize tomorrow.
• I saved money today so I will have it tomorrow.

After all, I’m not getting any younger.

So, where YOU at?

Do you need to work on living more mindfully in the here and now, or do you need to step it up and start thinking of today’s repercussions?

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If You Can’t Eat It…

My father is a wise man.  His colorful aphorisms have peppered my life.

Of his many tropes, my favorite is about acquisition:

If you can’t eat it,

and it doesn’t make you money…

what good is it?

I recognize there are many things wrong with this statement. Clearly- this is not the logic to use when considering things like having a child or adopting a pet.

 

My father would buy me as many books as I wanted. He sent me to camp each summer and encouraged me in extra-curricular activities. He knows the importance of enjoying life’s pleasures.  In fact, he is cruising the British Isles as I write this.

This is not the logic to employ when navigating life’s more philosophical pursuits.

No- This is the type of logic one needs to pack when navigating the aisles of Target.

When you head to Target for two things:

It is quite easy – dare I say unavoidable – to be distracted by items you do not need. Items you never knew you wanted until you saw them.

They are “out of sight, out of mind” items. You easily fall for them upon first sight – and they are quickly forgotten when you walk away. Unless they wind up in your shopping cart.

It’s during these pivotal moments when I hear my father’s voice. 

“If you can’t eat it and it doesn’t make you money, what good is it?”

I’m often able to walk away.

Did I leave Target with just two things? Ah, hail naw. I’m female human.

I picked up a new bathing suit (my pool eats a bathing suit every two weeks), a travel tumbler (saves money in the long run) and some nude eye shadow (why do I even bother?). All practical items.

Then, you know, I saw these. They don’t make you money.

But you can eat them.

You can eat them together!

Lightly steam your carrots, sprinkle with gomasio and make this nutty dip:

Far-East Nutty Dip Baby Dip

• 3 T nut butter (I used the almond, peanut & cashew blend from Target)
• 2 T Bragg’s Aminos  or soy Sauce
• 2-3 T water for desired consistency.
• Cayenne, Garlic Powder and Sweetener to taste.

Nuke it and stir until smooth, it thickens as it cools.

 

Totally Money.

Dip Baby Dip!!!

Oh, and about that sparkling coconut La Croix.

Not for everyone, but I like it. Tastes like the smell of suntan lotion.

Curious? If you put it on your Target list now, you won’t feel so bad when it winds up in your cart later.

 

• What was your last Target acquisition? If you don’t have a target by you I don’t know whether to pity you or envy you…
• Do you like to steam or blanch your veggies for crudite? I always do.
• Did/does your Dad have any sayings?

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Apropos of Everything

My weekly email devotional came today bearing an apropos message. It’s basically step by step instructions for everything I need to do starting.right.now.

Got a minute?

Today I Will Make a Difference

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… . I will get up. It’s OK to fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

From Shaped by God  Max Lucado

Also today is my birthday. (Shh!)

Perfect day to make a difference.

33? Who the…what the…huh?  Me?

   

I KNOW, right? I’m copyright 1978.

How did I get here from there?

    

Still trying to figure that out.

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Away on Blogcation

blog·ca·tion/blôgˈkāSHən/

1. An extended period of recreation, esp. one spent away from your blog, your Google Reader or in traveling outside the home in the REAL world in hopes to clear your head and see more butterflies.

2. The action of leaving something one previously occupied (i.e, one’s blog, one’s personal space on the internet or even occupying someone else’s space on the internet in the form of facebook/blog stalking) and that also occupied much of one’s thoughts, time, and focus at the expense of many other life-enriching experiences.

I don’t have any deep-seeded reasons for “taking time off” from blogging. I just need some time away. I need to knock some sense into my self and figgle out my shizzle.

“It’s not you, blogosphere. It’s me!” <—PG TWSS

I’ll be back sooner or later.

Until, then….Be Good. Don’t do anything I would do.

Like paint your toenails sparkly.

Shamelessly photograph yourself in public.

Invade the playground like your eight five-years old.

 

Spend inordinate amounts of time contemplating the blue line in the “big-girl” pool. (I want more two-mile days!!)

Or marveling at the Heavens.

Or don’t do anything at all!

Sit back, put your feet up…

Enjoy the view. Enjoy your LIFE, ENJOY YOUR SELF!*

*Without contemplating what you’ll write about it in your blog.

Ahh. I feel better already.

PS- Pics are from last summer (no weight comments please). I am so excited the good days are here again. I already got my first sunburn!!

PPS- Next time I write here I “may or may not” be another year older.

PPPS- I don’t really get why “bloggers” write “may or may not” that’s why I did it.

PPPPS- Did you catch the “nother year older” thing? Yup. And deeper in debt. These may or may not * be why I am having a breakdown right now.

* PPPPPS-I did it again and I may or may not have enjoyed it.

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