(I AM inspired by Jess’s Post <—– ) In recovery we need to become re-acquainted with ourselves. “5 Things about me? Why Not?”
Therefore I will share with you:
5 Things I am Not… But Wish I Was
&
5 Things I Am Happy I am Not.
Do you know those bloggers who show-off their amazing passion and flair for fashion?
I am not that kind of blogger.
1. I am not a "fashionista." My everyday uniform? Shorts, Tanks and Flips.
(Then there’s this ensemble for my morning walk in 50 degree weather). I rest my case.
I’d like to put more care and thought into dressing myself.
2. I am not a water-drinker. I go DAYS without even one sip of pure water. Sad but true. I need an intervention.
I’m gonna start drinking more water tomorrow — and yes I said that yesterday and everyday prior.
3. I am not a good doggie mommy.
My dog has an addiction. Last night she crashed pretty hard.
And me? I am an enabler.
I throw these Busy Bones at Zoe because they keep her busy and she drives me nuts sometimes. She deserves better.
4. I am not where I thought I would be in life. Especially career-wise. After graduating college I was ready to take on the world.
(Body by Beer, Binging and Birth-Control.)
I was miserable at my highest weight but confident I would succeed. My eating disorder was not stopping me from living and dreaming.
10 years later, I have worked in Education, Graphic Design, and Produce (yay veggies!) doing marketing and advertising.
Today I’m at a job I have no passion for. I have no clue what color my parachute is – or where I even left it.
![img_0053[1]](http://missymiller.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/img_005316.jpg "img_0053[1]")
I need the courage to follow my dreams.
5. I am not a punctual person.
I like to say "I’m on God’s Time."
But I’m not always late! I leave work on time everyday!
On a Brighter Note…
5 Things I’m Glad I am not:
1. I am not a junk-food eater.
Remember this cart?<—
Never gonna happen.
I’d prefer delicious vegan cupcakes or Terra chips (yum) over Twinkies or Pork Rinds. BUT if you want a Twinkie by all means eat a Twinkie. Everything in moderation.
2. I am not as sick as I once was.
These photos are from 2002 or 2003. I was out of the hospital and "trying to recover" without really changing much.
And, for the record I am not the Tooth Fairy.
It was Halloween. (0:
*Side note- I distinctly recall feeling fat that day.
3. I am not a mean person. I’m just not.
In fact, if you’re a mean person reading this, I love you!
That’s just how I roll.
4. I am not searching for Faith, for God, for Meaning.
After flirting with everything from Krishna Consciousness to Unitarian Universalism…
One day my heart opened to Jesus and I just knew. I didn’t have to try to believe I just did.
5. I am not alone.
I am so happy to receive support and feedback from you gals out there. I learn and am inspired by reading your blogs.
Actually – I’m not happy I’m not alone.
I wish I was the only one to suffer an eating disorder and all its insanity. Sigh.
- Drop me a line! What are some things you are happy you are not. We get caught up in all the things we are lacking, it’s refreshing to celebrate what we are proud of!
I am glad I am not homophobic.
I am glad that I am no longer burdened by thinking I have to live up to the world’s idea of “success.”
I am glad I am not homeless (even if this means living with mom and dad).
I am glad I am not married to the man I was engaged to.
I am glad I AM NOT MY EATING DISORDER. (I am a beloved daughter of God. Period.)
I’m glad for you!
It was nice to learn all those things about you(: I used to not drink water either, but now after Ed, I drink it a little less than when Ed was in full swing, and because I’m dehdryated sometimes.
I’m not a good doggie mommy either(; Well… nah we both are good! I feed my dog gourmet treats all the time. But I never let her outside, feed her, give her water, or pick up her.. yeah. My mom does all that. Oops(;
Ok here’s mine;
I’m a really nice person, I hate being mean.
5 years ago, I would of had never thought where I am today. But I’m glad I’m here today. What doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.
I’m glad that I’m not really really “sick” anymore. I’m so thankful I’ve never had any serious health problems as a result of the eating disorder.
I’m glad that I can inspire people and recover from this(: I’m glad that God gave me a chance at life.
Yes Danielle! I am so ghappy your health has naught suffered and yopu are battling this early!
Don’t want to end up doing it at 32, like me.
It only gets harder.
~Missy
I am glad I have a roof over my head, a loving family, ennough money and food to keep me satisfied and that I know in my heart and soul that i am a good person.
I loved the “always leaving work on time” bit.:)
xxxx
You are a good person!
~Missy
I love soul-searching like this…
I am not able to eat chocolate cake, French fires or fudge and not feel guilty about it afterwards, but I wish I was. A very very long time ago, probably when I was a kid, it used to be that way.
I am not able to take mean comments with a healthy “who cares” attitude, but I wish I was. I am too sensitive. Too too too.
I am not able to not to count calories, but I wish I was. I know so much about calories. Too much to ignore them. Ugh.
I am not able not be afraid of blushing, but I wish I was. I have done some reading lately and have realized that some of my ED problems might have been caused by my social fears. (I fear about blushing a lot lot more than I actually do that.) This realization might very well be one of the keys to my recovery… exciting find huh.
I am not able to not to care so much about other people’s opinions about me, but I wish I was. People say all kinds of things, good and bad, just like I do. Not everything is even accurate.
I am glad I am not and never have vomited because of ED. I just hate it too much. And cannot anyway.
I am glad I am not a mean person. Just like you, I merely cannot be that way. No no no. I respond to (verbal) attacks either by being stunned and not being able to say anything or just getting into my cocoon and isolating myself, basically until I feel better.
I am glad I haven’t had health problems because of ED. Praise the Lord.
I am glad I am not an atheist. There are lots here in France. My faith is one of my keys to mental sanity.
I am glad I am not unemployed. Just like you, I haven’t really had the career I had in mind for myself, and sometimes if I really get into thinking about it, I get depressed. But blogging has become more and more important to me, and my lil’ fashion and art blog is something I am proud of. Maybe this is my way into something more of my liking… who knows!
Lately I have pondered if I should write more about my eating difficulties on my blog. I actually even wrote a text already to put on a separate page. What do you think? In a way, I am a bit scared about revealing too much, since my clients could be reading, but on the other hand, if it can help others, and me…
Thank you for your ever-continuing inspiration Missy! (Oh, and I love your walking outfit, very eclectic and daringly edgy, he hee;) I keep gaining. It is difficult, a real mental battle at times with a lil’ voice in my head going “you’re gettin’ fat fat fat ugly ugly ugly”, but I talk it over with the sweet hubs and then get my calories in. He says he admires my determination. I don’t find my doing glorious at all, but I just do it.
Paris hugs!
Wow…I loved reading that!
You are such a beautiful person and it just shines and chimes. Hard to think any client would be nervous if you divulged a little more you in your blog.
Maybe you can reflect on how indulging your passions for art and fashion has helped you heal?
Or you can always do a second blog for all that.
I adore you.
And the fact that you like my Puma knee-highs.
~Missy
I am glad I am doing what I love in life – teaching. Hanging out with 10 year olds may seem like a stretch for most people on a daily basis, but I <3 it.
I am glad to have my faith in Christ – without it, I'd be nowhere.
I am glad to have a positive, encouraging family to lift me up every day.
I am super Glad you are a teacher!
Most important job in the world. (0:
Wow this is such an inspirational posts. I’m not a fashionista either. I swear give me some leggings and a long hoodie to keep me warm from the snow.
Hoodies, sweatshirts….
They are like little bits of heaven, huh?
This is beautiful!! What a great idea. Right now all I know is that I am not my eating disorder!! I’m still trying to find who else I am…but I am most definitely more than an eating disorder : ).
I also LEAVE work on time everyday…hehe!
Sarah
Hey Sarah!
That’s why it is som important to do little exercises like these.
Your eating disorder robs you of your identity for a while, so you have to “remember” what makes you, YOU!
Go ahead. Write a list of 20 things you like — in the world. Rainbows, Trees, Movies, sneezing….just make sure you really mean each one.
Or 7 things you love about yourself. (It can be hard).
Or 10 things that nobody would have guessed about you…
Stuff like that.
~Missy
This is a beautiful post! And I know one thing you ARE…strong.
I try to be strong…faking it till I make it (0:
Power to you, girl, for recognizing who you are and who you aren’t!
Thanks!
[...] fabulous Missy wrote an amazing post yesterday that inspired me soooo much! In fact, I have been thinking about it all morning long and [...]
Missy,
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your honesty. And I must say that I like the “One day my heart opened to Jesus…..”
God bless you!
Richard
I am not sure if I replied to your comment on my home page, but I do feel for your daughter and I guess I amswered your question in this post — Jesus and I are on speaking terms, yes.
However, when you are sick or ill from and ED you are in bondage still so we are working on it.
This is such an amazing post. I think I will have to write my own, its been so thought provoking.
Just like your advice about christmas. Its going to be hard, but now we have our tree up, I need to try to think I will only enjoy it if I am well. That and going to god, once again, hard, but I am slowly getting there, understanding my faith.
Thank you my lovely!
It’s funny how when we need God the most it seems like we tend to run in the opposite direction….
At least that is how it works for me. (0:
When I am having a rough day the last thing O want to do sometimes is show up for God at church. And that’s the first place I need to be.
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