Lots of Family and Split Pea Content…& Spam

Check out my spam! Heee-larious.

(Click on it to see close-up. Go ahead. I’ll wait…..)

“Good Molly” <—-LOVE that.

While this post contains no Split Pea Soup, it does contain family. It does have content. Interesting content? I make no promises.

Just a re-cap of my Thanksgiving.

Parade was on, breakfast was had. Odd, inappropriate commentary was delighted in. (I’m easily amused.)

Years ago I used to think, “Who eats breakfast or lunch before Thanksgiving?” Not anymore.

Exercise was enjoyed, not all-consuming. Having wasted many Thanksgiving-Day hours in the gym, I’m happy to be in a better place.

I gave thanks.

I headed over to my Brother’s house where my sister-in-law and mother were serving it up:

No cooking? I gave thanks.

Good Time with the family was had.

My great-Aunt Trudy, who I adore, was chilling. She asked me in complete honesty “Are you 55?”  Still giggling about that. She’s aging. This year she was there.

I gave thanks.

 

Flirtation was kept to a “G” rating. (Maybe PG…) My Mom and Dad have been through so much. They are so strong.

I gave thanks. 

Trying to capture a pic of my nephew, who hates being photographed? Fail.

Annoying the heck out of him? Success.

He’s awesome. I gave thanks.

I loved on my niece.

AKA my soul-sister, kindred spirit, most important girl in my life. (No, I don’t tell her these things yet, she’s too young. I’m already “crazy Aunt Missy.”)

I gave thanks.

Magic tricks were attempted performed by my nephew.

This kid is TOO much. He’s a loving, hilarious, talented, spunky little red-headed ham.

I gave thanks.

My brother carved the turkey.

I have two brothers. One was with us in spirit.

One is right here with us. I gave thanks.

My sister and niece were not there. My sister is a strong, capable woman. I know she is in good hands. I’m learning —> I can’t. God can. I’ll let him. I gave thanks.

We sat down; I closed my eyes and prepared to say grace.

We joined hands and my Dad says,

“Your hands are ice cold!”

Instantly the only thing I can think was:

“What’s cooler than being cool? ICE COLD!….Shake it like a Polaroid picture…”

I’m pretty sure God’s down with Outkast.

I closed my eyes and asked everyone to take three breaths, so we could focus on God and relax.

“This isn’t yoga class…just say the prayer” My brother said. (0:

I thanked the Lord we are able to breathe and enjoy ourselves despite the hurt in our hearts and the difficulties we face.

Dinner was served.

There was salad and asparagus. For me, of course. I’m the only one that eats it.

The rest of the fam had all the standards.

“Why Does Aunt Missy always eat salad?” my nephew asked. /o:

I had turkey – which I eat about 2-3 times a year and savor. (Mr. Turkey? I give you thanks. Sorry.)

I added a couple spoonfuls of Mom’s spinach casserole. I haven’t had it in 4 years. It’s my favorite. It was my brother’s favorite. This year an angel whispered I ought to have some. For him. I did.

I also took a couple bites of squash (covered in sugar and butter.)

Small amounts, but I call that good. Really, it was no big deal. Easy Breezy.

I had family encouragement without anyone making a scene over my “Spinach Casserole Challenge.”

For my family’s support? I gave give thanks.

Thanksgiving inspired a lot of emotions, thoughts and realizations. 

I’m still digesting.

Mentally and Physically.

(Food Baby in Full Affect!)

Maybe this will help.

 

After months of holding out, I caved.

Have you caught Kombucha fever?

Tastes like….

*mischievous laugh*  ….you’ll have to find out for yourself.

Buckle your safety belts its a wild ride!

I’ll let you know if it helps my tummy.

 

PS: this a nice blog and perfect. best for me.

Read your spam! I found two comments from this squirrely friend <—-. Not spam!

• Anything different about your Thanksgiving day? Tell me about it.

 

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The Wisdom to Know the Difference

I’m not going to write about all the reasons I am so thankful this holiday season because…………………

……………..Oh. Excuse me. I fell asleep just thinking about writing that.

Honestly, I’m feeling a lot more “Boo Hoo” than “Boo Yeah” about Thanksgiving.

  Two word: Family Drama. My heart hurts. 

I’m not going to write about that either. I am beyond words, and the situation is beyond my control.

  Which explains my palpable urge to (cliché in 3,2,1) Control the one thing I Can Control. (I warned you).

 

That’s not an option for me in recovery.

So I decided to reflect on the many things in life I can and cannot control BESIDES eating, food & weight.

#1

I have no control over how I’m greeted upon arriving at work. 

I do have control over my reaction.

“What. Ever. Passive Aggressive Notes. Pshhh. Over it.”

Then I can resolve to be timely because, let’s face it, the dog does not eat my alarm clock. 

#2

I have complete control over my computer screen savers.

(Need a screen saver…go here<——and thank me later.)

I have control over my words, and how I choose to treat people.

#3

I have no control over my Food Baby. 

I can, however post about it on the internet in a ridiculous manner <———

 

(I know, I know, no one can see it but me.)

 

 

 

I can decide to develop a love affair with it  (<—-read this!)

 

And post that on the internet, too.

I can’t help being weirded out, freaked out, and doubting my sanity while taking pictures of myself and food baby in the mirror. But that’s healthy.

 

Because…really?

 

 

 

 

 

#4

I can’t control the sunshine.

But I  can catch a bit of it….

…and hold it in my hand…

…and savor it while sitting in traffic.

Which I cannot control.

#5

I can’t control the temperature of the pool.

Brrrr! I’m never eager to jump in.

 

I can control my mindset by thinking,

“Seriously? If this is the hardest thing you do today or worry about,  you are one blessed individual.”

*This works in many trials, by the way. Steal it. Use it often.

Then I jump right in.

(That was me, by the way)

#6

I don’t control the motions of a candle’s flame. I like that!

I love that so much I light them every night.

 

In memory.

#7

I can’t control the weather.

But I never doubt that the sun will come out again, or think it will rain forever unless I do something about it. Witness 20 minutes in South FL this morning:

 

#8

I cannot control my dog, Zoe. (Seriously. Call the dog whisperer)

Exhibit A: 3D sculptures of chewed up carpeting i found yesterday. “Look what I made for you, Mommy!”

Exhibit B: Click Here <——

But I still love her most of the time.

 

(But, Zoe? Maybe something I can hang on the fridge would be nice. )

#9

I am completely in charge of my magnet collection.

I can even make my own magnets —–>Like These<—–

#9

I control how I choose to ADORN my body.

Hence sparkly nail polish…

…Symbolic rings…

 

…temporary butterfly tattoos…

…commemorative anklets and bracelets…

…and shoelaces. (yay!)

I control how I FEED my mind

by what I read:

(currently reading these…)

  

what I listen to:

(my ‘cheer-missy-up’ playlist)

 

Though I have difficulty deciding.

Can I get a witness? 10,003 items in my iTunes. Almost 30 days worth.

I control what I watch on the tee-vee…

…and always make responsible choices most of the time.

#10

I can control the time I spend nurturing my relationship with God, and growing in my walk of Faith.

 

 

 

#11

I can’t control the wind, but I can

learn a lot from a kite <—–

#12

I can’t Control the sunset

And I don’t want to.

I’ll never be the artist that God is.

He’s got it under control.

Hmmm….

Let Go. Let God.

I feel better already.

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

• Anybody else facing their control issues lately?
• Do the Holidays inspire a lot of “need to control” moments?

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Bought to you by the Letter “F”

F is for…

Full Disclosure. The information contained in this post may not be suitable for all audiences. Reader Discretion Advised.

F is for…

Food Baby, which I had for

Four Days. Four long days.

Fact. Food Babies during recovery are inevitable.

F is for…

Fatigue, because food pregnancy makes you tired, despite indicating a generous amount of…

Fuel.

Frustrating.

F is for…

Full. Feeling So. Very. Full. So uncomfortably full.

For Four Days.

F is for…

Fearing the worse.

F is for…

Fighting the temptation to let this ruin my days or restrict my eating and conducting myself like a

Frick-Fracking recovery warrior princess.

Fake it till you feel it.

F is for…

Friendly conversation at the gym, as I explained to a stranger why I could not run. “I think I’m too skinny.”

F is for… 

“Fine” That’s what the friendly stranger said.

“You look fine to me! What do you weigh [insert my weight + 15 pounds here]?”

F is for…

Flawed Logic, which I obviously have because I readily agreed with him despite the opinions of many loved ones and the fact I have not menstruated in a decade.

Food Baby. Full. Four Days.

F is for…

Feeling.

Fat.

F is for…

F.

F is for…

Figuring out what you call the feeling you get when you feel fat, because fat is not a feeling.

and Failing. Once again.

F is for… 

Finally reaching my breaking point yesterday. There is only so much I can handle.

Fully aware this might send me down a slippery slope I awoke on a mission: Operation Food Baby Domination!

F is for…

Finding every excuse, rationalization, and justification to eat less.

F is for…

Fooling myself into thinking this was not

Flirting with the enemy. That this was an option for me.

F is for…

Fantasyland.

My Favorite Place.

F is for…

Fantastic. Which would describe how I felt when my stomach began to growl with hunger. Too fantastic.

Frighteningly Fantastic. Seductively Fantastic.

F is for…

Forgetting about my ridiculous plans

and Fighting back.

F is for…

Feeding myself without restriction for the remainder of the day.

F is for…

Frick-Fracking Recovery Warrior Princess.

 

(Maybe I do have an inner princess after all.)

F is for…

Fun. Recovery from an eating disorder is no joke. It is painful, difficult, and complicated. But….sigh. If I can’t laugh in the middle of all this mess I will go insane.

I hope my light-heartedness is not taken the wrong way.

This post inspired by Sesame Street, Sara, and the Letter F.

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Profound Pumpkin Black Bean Soup (Vegan)

 

I read a recipe for black bean and pumpkin soup and was intrigued. I couldn’t imagine what it would taste like, but it sounded good and super healthy. I wanted to try.

Who knew making soup could inspire deep thoughts on recovery?

In recovery, we encounter many things (food, ways of thinking, daily routines) that are completely foreign to us. You’re intrigued, a little scared, but it sounds healthy. It sounds good. So you do it.

I tailored the recipe to my likings, crossed my fingers and went to work on my

Profound Pumpkin Black Bean Soup (Vegan)

 

Looks good so far…

This was when I got a little nervous.

Didn’t look so yum.

I relaxed when I added the broth.

Enter the Immersion Blender.

I never used this before and was excited. It was awesome. Felt like a power tool! I got into it. Maybe too into it…  

 

That’s when this happened.

Missy no like messy. This was the least of it, trust me.

I expected to become annoyed and frustrated, BUT I was too excited by my new toy to care! 

It happens…keep moving.

I blended the soup to my desired consistency (chunky smooth). No more than 5 minutes later, everything was back to normal. And the fruits of my labor were mine to enjoy.

MMMMmmmmm. I am so proud.

This soup is deeee-licious. The pumpkin adds this…slightly sweet, velvety yumness. A depth. A…Profundity! (Hence the name).

And my profound thoughts?

This is what happens in recovery when we face new habits and behaviors with the right attitude.

You may make a mess, become uncomfortable at points. But you get over it!

We need to stop anticipating and fearing how we might react to new situations. Maybe you fear you will freak out, but you never know! You may be too excited by the experience to even notice!

In the end, its worth it. You can’t wait to do it again.

Speaking of repeats…. I made more than one return trip to the soup pot.

And then my tummy hurt.

 

But it’s worth it.

Good thing I have a secret ninja trick for such occasions. (Yes! I actually do this…I can’t make this ridiculous-ness up!)

And Beano. Lots and lots of Beano.

• What’s a “challenge” you have tackled recently?
• Is there something you have been meaning to try, but talking youself out of because all the “what ifs?”

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Grocery Cart Nazi

ABC’s What Would You Do? had me stirred up all week.

They hired actors to portray an overweight mother and daughter filling their cart with junk food; and another to portray a member of the “calorie police” – who publicly berates the mother for her choices. Click here for more.

I don’t need to state the obvious. Clearly it’s inappropriate.

But it had me thinking.

The show – in typical fashion – flipped the scenario. They switched up the actors: brought in a black mother and daughter and changed the “calorie police” from a woman to a man.

But I wanted to see them bring in a healthy-looking family with a cart full of junk into play.

Do people think the same negative thoughts about a healthy-looking, thin person with a cart full of unhealthy food? Sadly, I think not.

 

Or what about someone like me? Who may not look quite so healthy but is clearly not obese? Would anyone think about my trans-fat consumption?

Actually, picture a girl 15 lbs thinner than I am, struggling behind the weight of a grocery cart filled with lettuce, mustard and diet soda. That girl was me, five years ago and days away from being hospitalized. *shudder*

Though I was often approached by concerned citizens (bless their hearts) it was never at the grocery store, ironically.

My point is…I appreciate America’s new interest in healthy eating, but the message is too focused on Obesity.

Everybody needs to eat clean, healthy, real food. Every Body.

This is what actually made it into my cart that day:

These sadly did not.

Though they were clearly meant for a some Crayola Loving Florida Girl like me.

Neither did this little lady.

Because I am a responsible adult.

Who can clearly not afford $8 bars of soap.

Especially not on days she buys coconut water.

I go to the store a lot. This was just random bits –by no means representative of everything I eat. You can learn a lot  about a person in the checkout line of the grocery, and it’s fun to snoop sometimes. Beats reading the tabloids.

But let’s get real. We need to love one another, not judge one another.

And we all need to eat healthy food.

Hollah at me:

• Do you snoop-dogg it at the grocery store? I do.
• Do you think America gives a “free pass” to people to eat junk as long as they’re not fat?

 

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Princess and the Pea Brain

I received this book from Hope Has A Place, Amanda’s recovery blog. (She is awesome & recently engaged! Yay!)

 

 Wear More Cashmere: 151 Ways to Pamper your inner Princess. Don’t I look like a Princess in need of pampering?

It came last month along with this cute little note from Amanda:

After a month of reading it

(heavy reading – you might gather)

I realized…

I don’t have an inner princess.

Some of the suggestions are just not me. At all.

 #21 – Buy a silk caftan robe to wear at night

#115 – Wear Men’s shirts to feel teeny and tiny (huh?)

#127- Wear heels & bathing suit to sashay around the pool

#20- Rent a Mercedes or Jaguar for a day (on my salary?)

 But some suggestions are fantastic

#10 –Write a handwritten note to a friend.

#55 – Dine Al Fresco

#56 – If you can’t say something nice..avoid gossip.

#49- Make a list of all your accomplishments in life

The point is you should nurture and nourish your inner YOU! What or whoever that may be.

I imagine I have an inner freak fairy (a moody fairy) or butterfly just waiting for my metamorphosis. (kind of what this blog is all about.)

 

While thinking about Princesses, I found myself thinking about Peas. Why? No clue. I’m not really that into peas. Maybe I recalled the fairytale “The Princess and the Pea.”

Maybe it’s because I have been chowing down on my split-pea soup

Or maybe because I am obsessed a devoted fan of Mama Pea, who has two princesses of her own. (Pickle eating princesses, I might add. Ovaries. Aching.)

Maybe because I think about food too much a lot. And hummus, of course.

I had a random “what if?” moment and decided to ‘pamper’ it.

I made Whirled Peas Yummus

(I declare it yummus if no chickpeas are involved). Just steamed peas, Garlic, olive oil, lemon and a dash of cumin and sea salt.

I had no hint what this might taste like. I haven’t had a pea in…can’t remember.

The results:

I wish I had words. It is very…pea-y. Pea-ish. Pea-licious.

I could not get my head around it. The texture, the slight sweetness.. all so very different. The color was pretty amazing, too. I kept eating it just to try and figure it out. It was an adventure, a new playground for my taste buds.

My point is…

I got nothin’. I don’t have one.

But I did discover I enjoy to play around with my food!

Guess that’s just my way of nurturing my inner princess, geek, foodie, fairy, butterfly “me.”

• So…what’s your inner you?
• If you try pea yummus, please share your thoughts!

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Go and I’ll Show You

As a little girl I had a persistent fear of backyard monsters. It would keep me up at night. My father often propped me on his safe shoulders and carried me around the backyard to show me there were no monsters – that I had nothing to be afraid of. Afterwards I always felt better.

Plus, I got to go outside in my pjs after bedtime.

Today, I wish someone I trusted could put me on their shoulders and show me a life in complete recovery. Show me I have nothing to fear, that I can be comfortable in my skin at a higher weight, that the monsters are imaginary.

That’s where God comes in.

His promises to lift us on his wing, protect us, never forsake us, and walk beside us forever.

But He doesn’t promise it will be easy. He won’t show us the future. He gives us a deep, knowing nudge in our hearts to tell us the direction he wants us to go. He wants us to have Faith enough to get moving.

Years ago I heard Joyce Meyer say

We’re always asking God

“show me and I’ll go!”

 

God’s answer is always

“GO and I’ll show you!”

It stuck with me – I do this all the time.

Even though I know better.

I’ve got to take that first step.

I’m praying for the strength, courage, faith and willingness to do just that.

 

John 5:8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

• Whether it is recovery or not…what is God urging you to do while you fear to take that first step? Changing careers? Confronting someone? Giving up smoking? Is it mostly fear of the future and the unknown that is holding you back? The imaginary monsters?

 

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Going Nuts and Loafing Around

Recently I waited for the cable guy from 8am to 5pm. I repeat. 8am to 5pm.

Glued to my cell phone. Confined to my apartment. No internet. Expecting him any….minute….now. From 8. am. To 5. pm.

I did not take well to this.

I went Nuts.

Literally

     

I’ve developed a nut roasting swagger and I made two more savory batches. An herbed variety and my “nicely spicely” blend. Special ingredient is a kiss blown into the oven if you wanna know my secret. Recipes in the comments of this post.

   

I’ve SUCH difficulty simply chilling out. I’d love to sit still…watch TV for hours. Loaf around. Just to prove I can.

   

 

 

 

 

 Zoe Can. Zoe takes very well to this.

 

This is my version of “loafing around”

 Sugar Free-Flour Free Oatmeal Raisin Loaf. So simple. Tastes like….wait for it….a sugar-free, flour-free loaf. (0:  Recipes in the comments.

  

  

And sugar-free flour free pumpkin loaf. Mmm…Libbys. Le purr. Best thing ever to come from a can.  Aren’t these little guys cute? Perfect for a single gal like me.

Veg-ing out, I made several batches of hummus and yummus, natch.

Forget ants. I’ve antelopes in my pants.

(oh dear…that sounds bad)

I don’t need to constantly be productive and industrious (I wouldn’t mind that).  I just have trouble “being” present in the moment. Accepting myself as is – someone who is not broken. Someone whole.

I do not take well to this.

I hate feeling so uncomfortable in my own flesh. Its by far the most brutal and punishing part of my eating disorder.

I’ve been practicing being mindful and staying present in my body. Sitting with my feelings, with my “me-ness.” This morning I decided to assume a proper meditation posture and go at it.

(For awesome insight on meditation and recovery see Dana’s post)

Does it still count if your camera’s self-timer is beeping through the first few breaths?

*blushing* I proceeded to take about 3 ujayi deep breaths and bounced. (I wanted a grapefruit and I had to walk the dog and take out the recycling and call my mom and I wanted to write…and….)

Point is, I’m Practicing.

How about you?

Are you loafers or antelope-pants?

 

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Look! Look! Up in the Sky!

Yesterday I was driving to the gym and thinking I was in sore need of a re-connect with God. I had just finished an email to Jess, who mentioned the importance of God in our recoveries. she had me thinking.

While driving I noticed people at bus stops and in parking lots staring up and pointing at the sky.

‘What can it be?’ I thought. ‘A rainbow? A blimp? A space shuttle launch?’ (I live in Florida) Some sort of eclipse?

All I could see was the setting sun.

At the gym – more people looking up! I stopped a man on his way in.

“Excuse me, do you know why everyone is looking up at the sky?”

He gave me this “Hello Captain Obvious” look and gestured upwards…”Well, Yeah!”

I turned around, looked up and saw this:

Oh. Hi God. There you are. I was just thinking about you…

What a moment.

I mean, you think I would have gotten out of my car and looked at the sky. Instead I looked for someone to ask.

I walked away with this thought:

Why am I always looking toward things of this earth for answers when what I need to do is to look to God?

I guess he was wondering the same thing.

• Wanna share a time God showed up for you like this?
• What was your last “captain obvious” moment?

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I Can Do Anything Good

Today I woke up feeling less than stellar. I was attacked by squirrely thoughts the second my eyes opened; thoughts of restricting…”You’ve just been eating TOO much, lately. Take it easy…etc”

It was really annoying.

Good thing I read Angela’s ‘Road to Health’ post yesterday. It stuck with me. Each day is an opportunity to choose health and happiness. Not everyone gets that opportunity. My brother doesn’t.

This morning I chose to be positive.

I got out of bed and went for a walk. Not to burn calories, but to remind myself how much energy and strength I am gaining and enjoy the weather.

I remembered the video Dana shared on her blog – and how much it really moved me. I LOVE this so much:

I think we’re born with an unbridled sense of gratitude and confidence. Remember when everything was A-OK just as it was? You got sad and then felt better. You went to school and played until it was bedtime. When did we decide everything needed to be changed; improved?

I want my inner Jessica back.

When I got home I knew what I had to do.

I now present you….Missy’s “Daily Affirmation”

*Forgive me—it was early and my make-up is all crazy.

Today I’m choosing to be positive about myself.

I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

(And that might mean having bigger thighs…)

*If you love Jessica as much as me you’ll love watching her here. This version is also nice. (I seriously want a Missy Daily Affirmation Dance Floor Remix)

My question to you is:

What will you do today to reclaim your inner Jessica?

 

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