“Ba da, Ba da, Ba da, Ba da…Feelin’ Groovy?”
Sorry Simon and Garfunkel, but me? NOT SO MUCH.
I am most definitely anti-groove. Decidedly un-groovy.
What I AM feeling is the absence of groove. I want my groove back.
I have spent the past week feeling so YUCK. I’ve smiled, yeah. But I’m not feeling like myself.
I am lonely — lonely to the core. This makes me want to isolate because, if I do venture out there, the inevitable return to my apartment, my self, my lonely existence feels even worse. I am being crazy-stupid about food — which is both caused by and contributing to my mucked-up moods. I feel closer to being “in disease” right now than “in recovery.”
Being “in disease” has lost it’s “charm” (not that it ever had much). I mean — it no longer works for me as a crutch or a coping mechanism. I can’t numb out and lose myself in the ED Insanity without KNOWING THE WHOLE TIME how much it SUCKS and how WEAK I am being.
Add a generous heap of low energy, numbness, lack of sleep and boredom and what do you get?
The opposite of GROOVE.
Hmm….A BUMP. Maybe this is just a “bump in the road.”
The worst part, the scary part, is my lack of motivation or energy to do anything to help myself right now.
I just. Don’t. Care. (For now…)
God? I need a swift kick in the butt.
So….what to do, what to do? I HAVE to take action so I can find my way back to the sunny side of life and …..